liquid-sound his lungs made as he tried to breathe and then speak made me wince. I wished more than anything that I could have just stopped it all.
But I couldn’t.
I felt a pain in the pit of my stomach, and it was so strong—so incredibly strong, and terrible—that I felt like I had been shot. I was paying the price of being so stupid and falling for someone so limited on life. I was usually so good about being logical, but then came Derek Sholts, with all his cocky smirks and staggering charm. Ever since he came into my life, I was left crippled by my feelings for him. It didn’t matter if they were negative or positive; they had always consumed me.
And now they consumed me so deeply, so completely, that I didn’t know what I’d do without him anymore. I took a deep, shuddering breath, the world around me crumbling, as I fought for the control that I was always so good at possessing before.
I had to fight back the memories of all the nights—although not nearly enough—we spent together, our legs intertwined, wrapped up in love and passion. I had to fight them back because just remembering it all made it all the more worse for the wear. It made me remember just how much I loved him…as if I needed reminding.
I thought about all the kisses, the affection…all of it. I loved everything—even the times he drove me crazy, and the times I didn’t understand his ridiculous decisions.
I thought about it all. I thought about everything.
And I loved it; I loved it all; and I loved him.
Yeah, I tried to fight the memories; I tried to condense them for even just a moment, but I couldn’t. He was in my head. As I stood there, looking back at him with one hand on the door to the ambulance and one over my mouth as I tried to stifle my crying wails, I knew that he always would be.
Chapter 2
It was all a blur. I couldn’t even process it all. Hell, I had enough trouble just walking towards the ambulance and grabbing the door. And even when I held onto it, I couldn’t hardly make myself get in. I just kept looking back at him, lying on the stretcher, two medics above him.
I took a deep breath of air, as I heard a slight, wet, gurgling sound through the night. I could only attribute the noise to Derek fighting for air. They loaded him up in the back, and I heaved with desperation, as I finally lifted myself up into the front seat, trying to catch my own breath—not really knowing that I had stopped breathing.
My body felt numb, and my hands were freezing cold, dead, like my soul felt when I saw Derek lying on the floor in such a desperate state. I held my hands out towards the vent for heat, tears flowing freely. I was almost in complete hysteria
I tried to take another breath in, but the weight of my lungs seemed too heavy to continue. It was like a harsh burden to inhale or exhale. I gurgled a strange sound, and panic rose in me.
I felt like I was drowning.
I couldn’t breathe.
“You’re having a panic attack!” a voice called out from above me. And I realized, as I focused on the voice that I must have fallen backwards, because all I could see was the ambulance cab ceiling through blurred vision.
I couldn’t quite make out much of the face, but I could also tell someone was hovering above me. And then I realized—through what I hoped could be nothing more than logic (what little of it I had left)—that it had to be the driver of the ambulance.
“I’m going to need you to count to thirty-five for me!” he said, and I almost narrowed my eyes at him in frustration. “Try to do it out loud!”
I blinked and continued to look at him. I couldn’t really process what he was saying, nor did I care to. It hurt too much.
“Count!!” he bellowed, grabbing me just before readying what looked like some sort of syringe.
“One…” I choked, and he lowered the syringe and pulled his face closer to me. “Two…” I coughed, my lungs soaked in mucus. “Three…”
“That’s it… keep
But I couldn’t.
I felt a pain in the pit of my stomach, and it was so strong—so incredibly strong, and terrible—that I felt like I had been shot. I was paying the price of being so stupid and falling for someone so limited on life. I was usually so good about being logical, but then came Derek Sholts, with all his cocky smirks and staggering charm. Ever since he came into my life, I was left crippled by my feelings for him. It didn’t matter if they were negative or positive; they had always consumed me.
And now they consumed me so deeply, so completely, that I didn’t know what I’d do without him anymore. I took a deep, shuddering breath, the world around me crumbling, as I fought for the control that I was always so good at possessing before.
I had to fight back the memories of all the nights—although not nearly enough—we spent together, our legs intertwined, wrapped up in love and passion. I had to fight them back because just remembering it all made it all the more worse for the wear. It made me remember just how much I loved him…as if I needed reminding.
I thought about all the kisses, the affection…all of it. I loved everything—even the times he drove me crazy, and the times I didn’t understand his ridiculous decisions.
I thought about it all. I thought about everything.
And I loved it; I loved it all; and I loved him.
Yeah, I tried to fight the memories; I tried to condense them for even just a moment, but I couldn’t. He was in my head. As I stood there, looking back at him with one hand on the door to the ambulance and one over my mouth as I tried to stifle my crying wails, I knew that he always would be.
Chapter 2
It was all a blur. I couldn’t even process it all. Hell, I had enough trouble just walking towards the ambulance and grabbing the door. And even when I held onto it, I couldn’t hardly make myself get in. I just kept looking back at him, lying on the stretcher, two medics above him.
I took a deep breath of air, as I heard a slight, wet, gurgling sound through the night. I could only attribute the noise to Derek fighting for air. They loaded him up in the back, and I heaved with desperation, as I finally lifted myself up into the front seat, trying to catch my own breath—not really knowing that I had stopped breathing.
My body felt numb, and my hands were freezing cold, dead, like my soul felt when I saw Derek lying on the floor in such a desperate state. I held my hands out towards the vent for heat, tears flowing freely. I was almost in complete hysteria
I tried to take another breath in, but the weight of my lungs seemed too heavy to continue. It was like a harsh burden to inhale or exhale. I gurgled a strange sound, and panic rose in me.
I felt like I was drowning.
I couldn’t breathe.
“You’re having a panic attack!” a voice called out from above me. And I realized, as I focused on the voice that I must have fallen backwards, because all I could see was the ambulance cab ceiling through blurred vision.
I couldn’t quite make out much of the face, but I could also tell someone was hovering above me. And then I realized—through what I hoped could be nothing more than logic (what little of it I had left)—that it had to be the driver of the ambulance.
“I’m going to need you to count to thirty-five for me!” he said, and I almost narrowed my eyes at him in frustration. “Try to do it out loud!”
I blinked and continued to look at him. I couldn’t really process what he was saying, nor did I care to. It hurt too much.
“Count!!” he bellowed, grabbing me just before readying what looked like some sort of syringe.
“One…” I choked, and he lowered the syringe and pulled his face closer to me. “Two…” I coughed, my lungs soaked in mucus. “Three…”
“That’s it… keep
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