Chapter One
“BYE, PAPA! I’ll miss you!” Little Casey’s voice rang in Jack’s ears as he drove out of the parking lot. He’d come to love his weekends with the grandkids more than he ever dreamed he would. He was grateful his daughter-in-law Shelley let him take Casey and Lilly twice a month, glad she was willing to give herself a break from (hopefully temporary) single parenthood once in a while.
Trying to chase away the empty feeling in the car, Jack turned on the radio. He sighed as he thought of his son. Rick was on another attempt at rehab. No matter how much Jack hoped it would be the last, he wouldn’t place any bets on it. The trouble had seemed to start just after Jack and Marie divorced. Trying his whole life to fit himself into a closet had only given him one good thing—Rick. Unfortunately coming out of the closet threatened to take Rick away from him.
Rick had been a great kid, smart and funny and sweet. But all it took was one rough year and a few unfortunate choices to create a perfect shitstorm that would take over a decade to clean up. Jack still wondered whether he’d made the right choice, still beat himself up over it. He still called himself a selfish asshole for not waiting a few more years, for not hanging in there until Rick was older, old enough that his world wouldn’t be turned upside down by his father’s big reveal.
Finding out your parents were getting divorced at the age of fourteen was hard enough, but finding out they were getting divorced because Dad was a big ol’ homo had to be a million times worse. At least that’s what Jack told himself over and over on nights like this, when the August rain felt cold and lonely rather than refreshing. When he couldn’t get warm enough and couldn’t find any reason not to drive his car headlong into oncoming traffic.
Casey and Lilly’s faces sprang to mind. “ Bye, Papa! I’ll miss you!”
Right. So he could find a reason.
Thankfully, those two grandkids were enough to make him turn his car toward home.
“SO, HOW was the hot date last weekend?”
Mindy was his Crazy Cat Lady neighbor and one of his closest friends. She had been on his doorstep with a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup when he’d gotten back to his condo. He wasn’t sure whether she knew how hard it was for him to pass Lilly and Casey back to their mother or whether she was simply as lonely as he was. Either way he was grateful for her company. And the flavorful, low-sodium dinners she often shared with him.
Jack was still trying to swallow a bite of bread when she asked her inevitable question. “Creepy,” he muttered in response. He dabbed his lips with a napkin and took a sip of wine before going on. “He kept calling me Daddy.” He couldn’t help but laugh when she crinkled her nose. “I know a lot of guys get off on that, but figuring in the fact that he was about my own son’s age… I’m not that guy.” He feigned a shudder.
Laughing with him, Mindy nodded. “It’s not that bad, considering some of the other guys you’ve gone out with.”
Snorting over his soup bowl, Jack rolled his eyes at her. “Remember the guy with the horns?”
“That’s what you get for trying to hook up online.”
“Hey, I have a lot of friends who have met great people online. Hell, Erin and Andy are celebrating their third wedding anniversary, and they met in a chat room.”
“I think that makes them the exception, not the rule. Though I’d say it’s at least a little your fault, since his bio said ‘horny guy looking for older man.’”
“How was I supposed to know he meant actual horns?”
Mindy was still giggling as she started to clear the dishes. “Maybe it was a weird genetic thing or something. I mean….”
Jack shook his head, trying to forget the encounter altogether. “Nope, I asked. Anyone willing to have their head surgically altered to resemble the devil or whatever is too much for me.”
Reaching into the
“BYE, PAPA! I’ll miss you!” Little Casey’s voice rang in Jack’s ears as he drove out of the parking lot. He’d come to love his weekends with the grandkids more than he ever dreamed he would. He was grateful his daughter-in-law Shelley let him take Casey and Lilly twice a month, glad she was willing to give herself a break from (hopefully temporary) single parenthood once in a while.
Trying to chase away the empty feeling in the car, Jack turned on the radio. He sighed as he thought of his son. Rick was on another attempt at rehab. No matter how much Jack hoped it would be the last, he wouldn’t place any bets on it. The trouble had seemed to start just after Jack and Marie divorced. Trying his whole life to fit himself into a closet had only given him one good thing—Rick. Unfortunately coming out of the closet threatened to take Rick away from him.
Rick had been a great kid, smart and funny and sweet. But all it took was one rough year and a few unfortunate choices to create a perfect shitstorm that would take over a decade to clean up. Jack still wondered whether he’d made the right choice, still beat himself up over it. He still called himself a selfish asshole for not waiting a few more years, for not hanging in there until Rick was older, old enough that his world wouldn’t be turned upside down by his father’s big reveal.
Finding out your parents were getting divorced at the age of fourteen was hard enough, but finding out they were getting divorced because Dad was a big ol’ homo had to be a million times worse. At least that’s what Jack told himself over and over on nights like this, when the August rain felt cold and lonely rather than refreshing. When he couldn’t get warm enough and couldn’t find any reason not to drive his car headlong into oncoming traffic.
Casey and Lilly’s faces sprang to mind. “ Bye, Papa! I’ll miss you!”
Right. So he could find a reason.
Thankfully, those two grandkids were enough to make him turn his car toward home.
“SO, HOW was the hot date last weekend?”
Mindy was his Crazy Cat Lady neighbor and one of his closest friends. She had been on his doorstep with a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup when he’d gotten back to his condo. He wasn’t sure whether she knew how hard it was for him to pass Lilly and Casey back to their mother or whether she was simply as lonely as he was. Either way he was grateful for her company. And the flavorful, low-sodium dinners she often shared with him.
Jack was still trying to swallow a bite of bread when she asked her inevitable question. “Creepy,” he muttered in response. He dabbed his lips with a napkin and took a sip of wine before going on. “He kept calling me Daddy.” He couldn’t help but laugh when she crinkled her nose. “I know a lot of guys get off on that, but figuring in the fact that he was about my own son’s age… I’m not that guy.” He feigned a shudder.
Laughing with him, Mindy nodded. “It’s not that bad, considering some of the other guys you’ve gone out with.”
Snorting over his soup bowl, Jack rolled his eyes at her. “Remember the guy with the horns?”
“That’s what you get for trying to hook up online.”
“Hey, I have a lot of friends who have met great people online. Hell, Erin and Andy are celebrating their third wedding anniversary, and they met in a chat room.”
“I think that makes them the exception, not the rule. Though I’d say it’s at least a little your fault, since his bio said ‘horny guy looking for older man.’”
“How was I supposed to know he meant actual horns?”
Mindy was still giggling as she started to clear the dishes. “Maybe it was a weird genetic thing or something. I mean….”
Jack shook his head, trying to forget the encounter altogether. “Nope, I asked. Anyone willing to have their head surgically altered to resemble the devil or whatever is too much for me.”
Reaching into the
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