don’t want to hear it!” Mr.
Howard fired back. “I gave you a chance to speak and Alex was the
one that came clean. Go ahead, son.”
“ Well, we were playing this game
and the bottle landed on Lisa. Jack dared her to kiss me. So we
did. Then the bottle landed on me and he dared me to run around the
house with no clothes on. I didn’t want to, Dad. The only reason I
did was because Jack said he was going to tell you about Lisa
kissing me.”
With a clenched jaw Mr. Howard looked at
me.
“ What kind of things go through
your head, Jack? Why in the world would you bring this stuff into
my house?”
Alex cut in. “And there’s something else,
Dad.”
“ There’s more?”
“ Yeah, Jack said the F
word.”
My chest deflated, leaving me breathless. I
couldn’t believe what I was hearing. No one was going to listen to
my side of the story. Things were about to get bad for me very
quickly. Mr. Howard stomped out of the room. He was so upset he
couldn’t speak.
Elise was at the dining room table and heard
everything. She started to cry hysterically.
"You are poison! You brought your sickness
into our home and infecting my boys! I want you out of
here!"
She picked up the phone and started
dialing.
“ Never again! Never, ever again!
No more. I can’t do this anymore!” she cried.
Mr. Howard rushed back into the room with my
toothbrush. He was rubbing soap all over the bristles.
“ You want to cuss in my house? You
want to bring cuss words into my home? I’ll show what we do to kids
who cuss in my home!”
I thought my mother was nuts, but these people
were fucking crazy. Mr. Howard handed me the toothbrush.
“ Brush your teeth with it. Brush
out your dirty mouth!”
I looked at the brush then up at Mr. Howard.
“What?”
“ You heard me! Brush out your
mouth, boy!”
Putting the toothbrush in my mouth I started
brushing. It tasted awful! I kept brushing though. I wasn’t going
to give him the satisfaction of breaking me.
When Elise got off the phone, she started to
lecture me.
“ I will pray for you, Jack. I
will. You’re a troubled little boy. I can’t have you in my home
anymore. I can’t do it. Alex, go outside and play. I have to deal
with this situation.”
Alex quickly left the room, not bothering to
look back. Letting out a gigantic swoosh of air, Elise explained
that she had called Child Protective Services to come get me. She
then walked out of the room. I never saw or heard from her ever
again.
Yet I would hear her hurtful words in my head
for the rest of my life.
Cindy
Chapter
twelve
"These are the stories that we tell
ourselves and only ourselves, and they are better left
unshared."
~ Jim Crace
Cindy Napier’s Diary
September 11, 1989
I am so ashamed of myself. When I woke this
morning I was naked, lying in the shower next to a pile of my own
feces. I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel then
went looking for my clothes.
Nothing looked familiar. I was scared. I
walked through the unfamiliar, its walls covered with family
portraits. I knew no one in the pictures.
My head was pounding. I was feeling sick to my
stomach. Stumbling into a bedroom I looked through one of its
dressers. I found a pair of girl sized sweat pants and a tee shirt.
I put them on. They were about three sizes too small, but I worked
my way into them anyway.
I searched and found my purse which had my
keys inside. When I reached for the door to leave, it opened by
itself. In walked a short, fat man with a chest hairs showing
through his half unbuttoned shirt.
“ Hey, Cindy! How you feeling? I
got you some coffee,” he said. I literally had to gulp back my own
vomit. I didn’t say a word. He started to laugh.
“ You don’t remember me, do
you?”
“ I don’t remember much. How did we
meet?”
“We met at the bar last night then we came
back to my place to snort a little coke. The next thing I knew you
were all over me,” he explained, winking at me like I was a
Howard fired back. “I gave you a chance to speak and Alex was the
one that came clean. Go ahead, son.”
“ Well, we were playing this game
and the bottle landed on Lisa. Jack dared her to kiss me. So we
did. Then the bottle landed on me and he dared me to run around the
house with no clothes on. I didn’t want to, Dad. The only reason I
did was because Jack said he was going to tell you about Lisa
kissing me.”
With a clenched jaw Mr. Howard looked at
me.
“ What kind of things go through
your head, Jack? Why in the world would you bring this stuff into
my house?”
Alex cut in. “And there’s something else,
Dad.”
“ There’s more?”
“ Yeah, Jack said the F
word.”
My chest deflated, leaving me breathless. I
couldn’t believe what I was hearing. No one was going to listen to
my side of the story. Things were about to get bad for me very
quickly. Mr. Howard stomped out of the room. He was so upset he
couldn’t speak.
Elise was at the dining room table and heard
everything. She started to cry hysterically.
"You are poison! You brought your sickness
into our home and infecting my boys! I want you out of
here!"
She picked up the phone and started
dialing.
“ Never again! Never, ever again!
No more. I can’t do this anymore!” she cried.
Mr. Howard rushed back into the room with my
toothbrush. He was rubbing soap all over the bristles.
“ You want to cuss in my house? You
want to bring cuss words into my home? I’ll show what we do to kids
who cuss in my home!”
I thought my mother was nuts, but these people
were fucking crazy. Mr. Howard handed me the toothbrush.
“ Brush your teeth with it. Brush
out your dirty mouth!”
I looked at the brush then up at Mr. Howard.
“What?”
“ You heard me! Brush out your
mouth, boy!”
Putting the toothbrush in my mouth I started
brushing. It tasted awful! I kept brushing though. I wasn’t going
to give him the satisfaction of breaking me.
When Elise got off the phone, she started to
lecture me.
“ I will pray for you, Jack. I
will. You’re a troubled little boy. I can’t have you in my home
anymore. I can’t do it. Alex, go outside and play. I have to deal
with this situation.”
Alex quickly left the room, not bothering to
look back. Letting out a gigantic swoosh of air, Elise explained
that she had called Child Protective Services to come get me. She
then walked out of the room. I never saw or heard from her ever
again.
Yet I would hear her hurtful words in my head
for the rest of my life.
Cindy
Chapter
twelve
"These are the stories that we tell
ourselves and only ourselves, and they are better left
unshared."
~ Jim Crace
Cindy Napier’s Diary
September 11, 1989
I am so ashamed of myself. When I woke this
morning I was naked, lying in the shower next to a pile of my own
feces. I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel then
went looking for my clothes.
Nothing looked familiar. I was scared. I
walked through the unfamiliar, its walls covered with family
portraits. I knew no one in the pictures.
My head was pounding. I was feeling sick to my
stomach. Stumbling into a bedroom I looked through one of its
dressers. I found a pair of girl sized sweat pants and a tee shirt.
I put them on. They were about three sizes too small, but I worked
my way into them anyway.
I searched and found my purse which had my
keys inside. When I reached for the door to leave, it opened by
itself. In walked a short, fat man with a chest hairs showing
through his half unbuttoned shirt.
“ Hey, Cindy! How you feeling? I
got you some coffee,” he said. I literally had to gulp back my own
vomit. I didn’t say a word. He started to laugh.
“ You don’t remember me, do
you?”
“ I don’t remember much. How did we
meet?”
“We met at the bar last night then we came
back to my place to snort a little coke. The next thing I knew you
were all over me,” he explained, winking at me like I was a
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