didn’t like talking about it either…sometimes, I guess. Once he told me he flew a lot, like a bird, meeting people in other places, staying in big buildings. Mother said he looked handsome in his suit and they kissed.” My voice lowered to a whisper: “I liked seeing them kiss.”
Still nothing.
“Were you ever in a suit? What’s a suit? ”
He chuckled; at least, I think he chuckled. I’d never seen Blueeyes chuckle and I wasn’t sure what it looked like. The right side of his lip curled upward for a moment, immediately turned back. When he spoke, he shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
He sighed. I think he rolled his eyes. I was wearing him down. “Never needed one, I guess…never had the money.”
“What’s money? ”
I didn’t know. I still don’t.
“It was just something, paper and coins…just nonsense. We used it to buy things we didn’t need for people who didn’t need them. Made some of us feel better about ourselves…inflated egos, lack of perspective.”
I didn’t know what he meant. I didn’t care. I liked the way he said it, liked listening to him talk, feeling like there was someone in the room with me. I didn’t want him to stop.
“Tell me something else.”
“Like what?”
“Anything. If you were never in a suit, what did you do?”
He sighed again and leaned back in his chair and scratched his beard. Outside the howlers moaned. “I guess I didn’t do much…moved from job to job. I washed dishes for a while, little dump outside of town. Had a warehouse job, delivered packages around the holidays. For a year or so I was getting up at four in the morning to vacuum an electronics store, scrubbed the toilets…bloody tampons from the ladies room.”
“What’s a tampon? ”
He chuckled again, more noticeably than the last. “Nothing you need to worry about.” His attention moved to the window, the darkening sky: yellow, orange and crimson. “Alex was disappointed in me, had to have been. Can’t say I blame her.”
A name. He said a name. “Who’s Alex?”
“My wife.” And just like that I wasn’t in the room anymore, at least not from his perspective. He was just talking to himself, to the sky, and to his conscience. He was talking to ghosts. His voice transformed to something soft, unfamiliar. “She smiled politely when I brought home those checks…a hundred bucks here, fifty there. She told me it didn’t matter. She never said anything, but I could tell. Three of us crammed into a shitty apartment, thrift store clothes. Wasn’t exactly what she’d imagined. I wasn’t a provider, didn’t take care of them the way I should have. Failure. I didn’t even fight when she finally had enough and took off. I just let them go.”
His face went soft. “I should have fought.”
“Who’s them? ”
Soft turned hard. His eyes narrowed, back straightened. I’d asked one too many questions. “ Them is no one.” He was done.
Before I could say anything else, Blueeyes stood and headed for a doorway on the opposite side of the room. “Enough for tonight. Go to sleep.”
He didn’t return for twenty minutes.
Things were quiet the next day. He stopped answering my questions, mumbled responses with gravely breath. Late afternoon we happened across a pack of gimps outside an old shopping center. They were mindlessly roaming the parking lot, pawing at reflections in windows, rotted heads hanging loose. We watched them from a hill behind the twisted steel of a crumpled sign. It was nothing we hadn’t seen before. The creatures were everywhere, a constant threat. They were practically traveling companions. Until Blueeyes told me to get my bow, I wasn’t sure why we’d stopped to look.
“What?”
“Can’t shoot at trees forever. Need a moving target.”
I’d never shot at anything, not intentionally. When the howler was attacking Blueeyes, I didn’t really do the shooting as much as the shooting did me. It just happened, independent
Still nothing.
“Were you ever in a suit? What’s a suit? ”
He chuckled; at least, I think he chuckled. I’d never seen Blueeyes chuckle and I wasn’t sure what it looked like. The right side of his lip curled upward for a moment, immediately turned back. When he spoke, he shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
He sighed. I think he rolled his eyes. I was wearing him down. “Never needed one, I guess…never had the money.”
“What’s money? ”
I didn’t know. I still don’t.
“It was just something, paper and coins…just nonsense. We used it to buy things we didn’t need for people who didn’t need them. Made some of us feel better about ourselves…inflated egos, lack of perspective.”
I didn’t know what he meant. I didn’t care. I liked the way he said it, liked listening to him talk, feeling like there was someone in the room with me. I didn’t want him to stop.
“Tell me something else.”
“Like what?”
“Anything. If you were never in a suit, what did you do?”
He sighed again and leaned back in his chair and scratched his beard. Outside the howlers moaned. “I guess I didn’t do much…moved from job to job. I washed dishes for a while, little dump outside of town. Had a warehouse job, delivered packages around the holidays. For a year or so I was getting up at four in the morning to vacuum an electronics store, scrubbed the toilets…bloody tampons from the ladies room.”
“What’s a tampon? ”
He chuckled again, more noticeably than the last. “Nothing you need to worry about.” His attention moved to the window, the darkening sky: yellow, orange and crimson. “Alex was disappointed in me, had to have been. Can’t say I blame her.”
A name. He said a name. “Who’s Alex?”
“My wife.” And just like that I wasn’t in the room anymore, at least not from his perspective. He was just talking to himself, to the sky, and to his conscience. He was talking to ghosts. His voice transformed to something soft, unfamiliar. “She smiled politely when I brought home those checks…a hundred bucks here, fifty there. She told me it didn’t matter. She never said anything, but I could tell. Three of us crammed into a shitty apartment, thrift store clothes. Wasn’t exactly what she’d imagined. I wasn’t a provider, didn’t take care of them the way I should have. Failure. I didn’t even fight when she finally had enough and took off. I just let them go.”
His face went soft. “I should have fought.”
“Who’s them? ”
Soft turned hard. His eyes narrowed, back straightened. I’d asked one too many questions. “ Them is no one.” He was done.
Before I could say anything else, Blueeyes stood and headed for a doorway on the opposite side of the room. “Enough for tonight. Go to sleep.”
He didn’t return for twenty minutes.
Things were quiet the next day. He stopped answering my questions, mumbled responses with gravely breath. Late afternoon we happened across a pack of gimps outside an old shopping center. They were mindlessly roaming the parking lot, pawing at reflections in windows, rotted heads hanging loose. We watched them from a hill behind the twisted steel of a crumpled sign. It was nothing we hadn’t seen before. The creatures were everywhere, a constant threat. They were practically traveling companions. Until Blueeyes told me to get my bow, I wasn’t sure why we’d stopped to look.
“What?”
“Can’t shoot at trees forever. Need a moving target.”
I’d never shot at anything, not intentionally. When the howler was attacking Blueeyes, I didn’t really do the shooting as much as the shooting did me. It just happened, independent
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