drawer in the corner of my dad’s study was a collection of papers updating
this year’s quantity of opiate per pound of food. Following it were suggestions for things to keep the masses moving forward. Mandatory after-school events, daily workout schedules, and a
stronger push on the new dating program were the most popular among them. Lists of things for the walking dead to do.
I went to the library, where I could use the copier in a back corner of the basement. It was working overtime. I’d made a few hundred copies of the most incriminating page, pausing only
for a moment to wonder if I was doing the right thing. But I decided that, if I’d had the choice of knowing or not, I’d choose to know. Monica chose that. Aaron did, Tanya did. It just
seemed like knowing at least gave you options.
I knew I was risking jail. If they figured out who leaked this information I’d be in prison, numbed beyond reason. Or worse, I’d be dead. But I’d figured out a solid
plan—including distributing the information at night, and suggesting that perhaps my old kidnapper returned—and I figured that between those two things and the classic playing dumb,
I’d be safe. I didn’t care if I wasn’t.
I’d been in love, and I knew it now. Dylan’s absence only made me sure of what I’d already known and what Monica didn’t believe I’d be able to know. Dylan was it
for me. If I couldn’t have him, who else would I share my life with? I might as well spend it with inmates.
I couldn’t fit all the copies in my backpack and had to carry an inch-high stack in my arms as I walked home. My mind took me to a time when we’d all gone swimming. I remembered
Dylan swimming under the water and grabbing at my ankles, making me squeal. A small smile crept onto my face and stayed with me as I turned the corner to my house. I was so deep in my memories that
I didn’t notice the guest on my doorstep.
I looked up and saw a boy with blue-green eyes waiting for me. My heart leapt in my chest, and I was sure he could see just how happy I was to see him.
I swallowed and stared at him and, even though it was risky to do outside, I quietly started to cry.
He stood and walked to me. “You can still feel?” he asked, astonished.
I nodded. “Very much.”
I took my free hand and slid it into his. The tiny gesture was enough to make my heart beat fast. When I felt him squeeze it back, I knew it wasn’t just me.
“I thought you might not even care I was here,” he confessed.
“Of course I care,” I whispered intensely. “If I was under a pile of drugs, I’d care. Dylan, I didn’t want to leave. Monica said that I had to. They were looking
for me. And you should go before someone sees you. I couldn’t bear them taking you away.”
A look of confusion crossed over his face and then faded into absolute clarity. “Monica,” he said. “Of course it was Monica.”
As he shook his head, it dawned on me just how easily she’d fooled me. And standing in front of me was her motivation. Could I really blame her? If it had been the other way around,
wouldn’t I have chased her away?
That didn’t matter now. If Dylan still wanted me the way I wanted him, then I couldn’t let anything come between us.
“I love you,” I said. “I’m so sorry I left.”
He pushed his lips together, trying to keep his smile from being too big. “And I love you.”
That was all I needed. Dylan loved me. I could handle whatever came next.
I sniffed back the tears and shoved the pile of papers into his hands. “That’s good. Because I’ve got a job for you.”
Otherwise
N ISI S HAWL
“Let’s cross it while it’s still floating.”
Aim was always in a hurry these days. Nearly eighteen, and she didn’t figure she had a whole lot of time left before she’d go Otherwise.
“Hold up,” I told her, and she listened. I listened, too, and I heard that weird noise again above the soft wind: an engine running. That was what cars
this year’s quantity of opiate per pound of food. Following it were suggestions for things to keep the masses moving forward. Mandatory after-school events, daily workout schedules, and a
stronger push on the new dating program were the most popular among them. Lists of things for the walking dead to do.
I went to the library, where I could use the copier in a back corner of the basement. It was working overtime. I’d made a few hundred copies of the most incriminating page, pausing only
for a moment to wonder if I was doing the right thing. But I decided that, if I’d had the choice of knowing or not, I’d choose to know. Monica chose that. Aaron did, Tanya did. It just
seemed like knowing at least gave you options.
I knew I was risking jail. If they figured out who leaked this information I’d be in prison, numbed beyond reason. Or worse, I’d be dead. But I’d figured out a solid
plan—including distributing the information at night, and suggesting that perhaps my old kidnapper returned—and I figured that between those two things and the classic playing dumb,
I’d be safe. I didn’t care if I wasn’t.
I’d been in love, and I knew it now. Dylan’s absence only made me sure of what I’d already known and what Monica didn’t believe I’d be able to know. Dylan was it
for me. If I couldn’t have him, who else would I share my life with? I might as well spend it with inmates.
I couldn’t fit all the copies in my backpack and had to carry an inch-high stack in my arms as I walked home. My mind took me to a time when we’d all gone swimming. I remembered
Dylan swimming under the water and grabbing at my ankles, making me squeal. A small smile crept onto my face and stayed with me as I turned the corner to my house. I was so deep in my memories that
I didn’t notice the guest on my doorstep.
I looked up and saw a boy with blue-green eyes waiting for me. My heart leapt in my chest, and I was sure he could see just how happy I was to see him.
I swallowed and stared at him and, even though it was risky to do outside, I quietly started to cry.
He stood and walked to me. “You can still feel?” he asked, astonished.
I nodded. “Very much.”
I took my free hand and slid it into his. The tiny gesture was enough to make my heart beat fast. When I felt him squeeze it back, I knew it wasn’t just me.
“I thought you might not even care I was here,” he confessed.
“Of course I care,” I whispered intensely. “If I was under a pile of drugs, I’d care. Dylan, I didn’t want to leave. Monica said that I had to. They were looking
for me. And you should go before someone sees you. I couldn’t bear them taking you away.”
A look of confusion crossed over his face and then faded into absolute clarity. “Monica,” he said. “Of course it was Monica.”
As he shook his head, it dawned on me just how easily she’d fooled me. And standing in front of me was her motivation. Could I really blame her? If it had been the other way around,
wouldn’t I have chased her away?
That didn’t matter now. If Dylan still wanted me the way I wanted him, then I couldn’t let anything come between us.
“I love you,” I said. “I’m so sorry I left.”
He pushed his lips together, trying to keep his smile from being too big. “And I love you.”
That was all I needed. Dylan loved me. I could handle whatever came next.
I sniffed back the tears and shoved the pile of papers into his hands. “That’s good. Because I’ve got a job for you.”
Otherwise
N ISI S HAWL
“Let’s cross it while it’s still floating.”
Aim was always in a hurry these days. Nearly eighteen, and she didn’t figure she had a whole lot of time left before she’d go Otherwise.
“Hold up,” I told her, and she listened. I listened, too, and I heard that weird noise again above the soft wind: an engine running. That was what cars
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