Born Weird

Born Weird by Andrew Kaufman

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Authors: Andrew Kaufman
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us!”
    “You … 
fuckers
!” Kent screamed. They took a step back. Kent remained on the stairs. He kicked the wall with his bare foot. Large pieces of plaster fell onto the steps.
    “You
fucking
fuckers. You
fucking
think you can come back? Just like this? You can just return?
Fuck
you! You fucking
fuckers
!”
    Even Abba turned and ran. No one looked back until they had safely reassembled in the grassless front yard. They listened to the sound of Kent breaking things and occasionally screaming the word
fuck
.
    “What do you think he could be breaking?”
    “It didn’t look like there was that much stuff to break.”
    “Maybe he’s re-breaking things,” Angie said. She stepped closer to Paul and then she leaned into his shoulder and he put his arm around her. For a moment it was quiet inside the house. Then a series of objects—a baseball glove, a comic book and several dresses—were thrown from the top left window on the second floor.
    “That’s my room,” Angie said. She pointed to a window that several volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica were flying out of. The books landed on the sloped roof of the porch and slowly slid down. Angie took Paul’s hand and put it on top of her stomach. A board game sailed through the window. The fake money scattered into the air and then it rained down on top of them, like confetti.

T HREE HOURS AFTER THEY ’ D learned of their father’s accident Richard was left in charge while their mother accompanied the police to the station. It seemed there were some questions. Why the Shark chose to go with her, and not stay with them, they did not know. They didn’t even think to ask. They sat in the living room in a state of shock, not knowing what to do. Richard looked at his watch. He waited for ten minutes to pass and then he looked at it again. Only one minute had.
    “I have no idea what we should be doing,” Richard said.
    Kent was the only one who sat on the floor. He had been given the game ball, which he threw up into the air and caught. “We should unpack Rainytown,” he said.
    “That feels very wrong to me,” Abba said.
    “No,” Richard said, “it’s perfect.”
    The cottage had been sold a year and a half earlier and Rainytown had been flattened and stored in the attic. Richard led the way. The rest of them followed him up. It did not take them long to reassemble it. They didn’t tryto make it sturdy. Instead they focused on putting everything back in the right place, making all of it like it used to be.
    In twenty minutes it was done. They all stood in front of it. And then Richard turned around and faced them.
    “I propose,” he said, “that Rainytown needs a cemetery.”
    “I think it should go right there,” Lucy said and she pointed to the Greet Your Meat Stockyards.
    “I agree,” Angie said. Kent was already heading downstairs for supplies, but Abba blocked his way.
    “I won’t have anything to do with this,” Abba said.
    Kent pushed past her. He returned with glue and paper and scissors and pencil crayons. The four of them got to work. Several sheets of green construction paper became the grass. The tombstone was cut from a black shoebox. With a white pencil crayon Richard began to write on it.
    “Wait,” Abba called. She’d been so quiet that they’d forgotten she was there. “At least use a question mark.”
    “I think I’d kinda like that,” Angie said.
    Richard looked at Kent and Lucy. They didn’t disagree. It was an idea that, at the time, presented a small measure of relief. Richard handed the pencil crayon to Abba and in thick block capitals she wrote:
    BESNARD RICHARD WEIRD
J ANUARY 22ND , 1960–?
    Abba set the tombstone inside the Rainytown Bone Orchard. It was the only one. They didn’t make any more. Not then, not ever. Lucy crafted tiny paper flowers and put them on the grave. They had a moment of silence. Then they all breathed out at once. They felt strong enough to go back downstairs and wait for their mother

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