the alleyway. So don’t put this on me.” She tosses her handbag on my office sofa and collapses into a side chair.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I’m doing my best whisper yell. “God, this was such a mistake.”
She reaches over and puts her hand on my arm. “It’s not a big deal, Bayne. So we were caught in the heat of the moment. It’s happened to tons of other couples. We won’t be the first and we won’t be the last. Although I am a little worried the internet will break once a video clip of your perfectly chiseled ass in action is uploaded.”
“I’m glad you think this is funny.” I shrug her hand off my arm and stalk back toward my desk.
Now it’s her turn to get upset. “Why are you being so pissy at me? It wasn’t my fault.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” I’m wagging my finger at her like an uptight schoolmarm. “Because you turned my life upside down. I need dignity and order and routine.”
She raises her hands in protest. “But -”
“I never wanted this, Caroline. I never wanted any of it. You tried to shoehorn yourself into my life and add all sorts of fun and craziness.”
“Who the fuck doesn’t want fun? And a little craziness?” I sink into my office chair and lean back.
I don’t know what to say to that. Because I do want a little fun and craziness. I just don’t like the growing pains that come with inviting them into my life.
“We’re perfect for each other.” She stands behind me and rubs my shoulders. “You just need to accept it. You’re great at cleaning messes up.”
I turn my head to the side and she leans down to kiss me. “And you’re great at making them.”
“It is a relief to have a role reversal for once,” she says. “I actually kind of appreciate it.”
“I’ll talk to my tech guy to see if there’s any way he can stop it from spreading or get it offline.”
“Oh, sweetie, you really don’t understand much about the internet, do you?” She rustles my hair like I’m a teenager.
“There’s no way whoever took it even realizes who you are.”
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t want to hear about this video anymore. Who cares about the stupid video?”
“I do. But maybe there’s a way to make it right. To mitigate any potential impact if it ever does surface.”
“Let’s hear it.” She settles onto my lap. I’m sure she’s mentally preparing for the list of behavioral modifications she’s imagining I’ll request. “I can tone things down. I can try to be more proper. I can . . .” I’m quiet until she gives me all her attention.
“Marry me,” I say.
It’s a surprise for the record books because she’s rendered speechless. She sits there, mouth agape, while I fish the giant diamond ring out of my desk drawer. I know I should drop to one knee, but that’s kind of hard with her already on my lap.
“Are you messing with me, Bayne?”
“Hopefully for the rest of your life.” I hold the ring out and it catches the light. I wait for her to shout ‘YES’ and wrap me in one of her perfect hugs, but she just looks at me, uncertain.
“Are you doing this just to protect me? I know what you’re thinking: Nobody cares if a grainy video of two married people surfaces.”
“I’m doing it because I love you. And I can’t live without you. And I was a fool not to recognize it sooner.” She touches the ring. And then she recognizes it.
“Is this my mother’s ring?” Tears well up in her eyes.
“Yes.” I slide it on her finger. “Your father gave it to me. He said your mother would want us to have it. I had the jeweler put in a new stone to –“
“Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” She throws her arms around me and we hold each other tightly. I cover her lips with my own and we’re locked together passionately.
Life with Caroline may not go according to plan, but at least it will never be boring.
“ H ow did it go dropping the kids off at Dad’s?” I picture a scene of crying, wailing,
“Don’t you think I know that?” I’m doing my best whisper yell. “God, this was such a mistake.”
She reaches over and puts her hand on my arm. “It’s not a big deal, Bayne. So we were caught in the heat of the moment. It’s happened to tons of other couples. We won’t be the first and we won’t be the last. Although I am a little worried the internet will break once a video clip of your perfectly chiseled ass in action is uploaded.”
“I’m glad you think this is funny.” I shrug her hand off my arm and stalk back toward my desk.
Now it’s her turn to get upset. “Why are you being so pissy at me? It wasn’t my fault.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” I’m wagging my finger at her like an uptight schoolmarm. “Because you turned my life upside down. I need dignity and order and routine.”
She raises her hands in protest. “But -”
“I never wanted this, Caroline. I never wanted any of it. You tried to shoehorn yourself into my life and add all sorts of fun and craziness.”
“Who the fuck doesn’t want fun? And a little craziness?” I sink into my office chair and lean back.
I don’t know what to say to that. Because I do want a little fun and craziness. I just don’t like the growing pains that come with inviting them into my life.
“We’re perfect for each other.” She stands behind me and rubs my shoulders. “You just need to accept it. You’re great at cleaning messes up.”
I turn my head to the side and she leans down to kiss me. “And you’re great at making them.”
“It is a relief to have a role reversal for once,” she says. “I actually kind of appreciate it.”
“I’ll talk to my tech guy to see if there’s any way he can stop it from spreading or get it offline.”
“Oh, sweetie, you really don’t understand much about the internet, do you?” She rustles my hair like I’m a teenager.
“There’s no way whoever took it even realizes who you are.”
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t want to hear about this video anymore. Who cares about the stupid video?”
“I do. But maybe there’s a way to make it right. To mitigate any potential impact if it ever does surface.”
“Let’s hear it.” She settles onto my lap. I’m sure she’s mentally preparing for the list of behavioral modifications she’s imagining I’ll request. “I can tone things down. I can try to be more proper. I can . . .” I’m quiet until she gives me all her attention.
“Marry me,” I say.
It’s a surprise for the record books because she’s rendered speechless. She sits there, mouth agape, while I fish the giant diamond ring out of my desk drawer. I know I should drop to one knee, but that’s kind of hard with her already on my lap.
“Are you messing with me, Bayne?”
“Hopefully for the rest of your life.” I hold the ring out and it catches the light. I wait for her to shout ‘YES’ and wrap me in one of her perfect hugs, but she just looks at me, uncertain.
“Are you doing this just to protect me? I know what you’re thinking: Nobody cares if a grainy video of two married people surfaces.”
“I’m doing it because I love you. And I can’t live without you. And I was a fool not to recognize it sooner.” She touches the ring. And then she recognizes it.
“Is this my mother’s ring?” Tears well up in her eyes.
“Yes.” I slide it on her finger. “Your father gave it to me. He said your mother would want us to have it. I had the jeweler put in a new stone to –“
“Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” She throws her arms around me and we hold each other tightly. I cover her lips with my own and we’re locked together passionately.
Life with Caroline may not go according to plan, but at least it will never be boring.
“ H ow did it go dropping the kids off at Dad’s?” I picture a scene of crying, wailing,
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