home.
Both watched me with strained expressions as I came in and tossed my bag under the coat rack behind the door.
"What did I do now?" I said.
"Kids." Mom smirked as she played with the crumbs on her plate. "Everything's always about you."
I went over to her, grabbed the plate, placed it on the coffee table, and then sank against her.
She squeezed me tight and sighed.
Tilting my head up, I studied her closely. "This new guy in your life, he giving you a hard time?" I narrowed my eyes. "I know where he lives. I could break a few bones for you."
Grams snorted and Mom smiled. "I'll let you know if it ever comes to that." Although she spoke to me, I got the feeling she wasn't really with us, her mind was off somewhere, probably concentrating on the High Council and their shenanigans.
"So. Anything I need to know?"
Mom shook her head. "Not a peep from the council, though your father and his friends have a good idea of who the mole is."
"Mole? Ooh ." I wriggled my eyebrows. "Sounds very cloak-and-dagger."
"It is," Grams said. "The bastards are out to ruin our families." She sat back, studying my face as if she just realized something. "You know this will affect you too, right?"
I shrugged. "Not as if I care about being alpha."
Mom shook her head. "Honey, I don't think you should be so blasé about this."
"But why should it bother me?" I asked, genuinely confused. "If Dad doesn't stay an alpha, Iain will take his place. I don't think I'll even be considered as a possible successor."
Grams leaned forward. "This is where I will have to agree with your mother. You can deny it, because you've never liked the idea of leading, but it's your blood you're talking about."
I snorted. "Half-blood, you mean?" I asked, belatedly glancing at Mom's face. "No offense."
Mom laughed. "None at all. You're the half-breed, not me."
"Mom." I cried, feigning hurt, then let out a sputtering laugh which totally spoiled the effect. Then I sobered. "I know you're worried about me--me and Logan--and I understand, but it's not a problem."
"How is it not a problem?" asked Mom, the warmth in her voice dropping a few degrees. "What are you planning?"
They both stared me down and I shifted in my seat.
"Kailin Odel, you aren't going to leave that boy, are you?"
I didn't respond."
Leaving Logan had been my intention all along, but I hadn't faced it head on until now. Says a lot for ones subconscious.
"You are." Mom did not look impressed. "Now it makes total sense why you've been so calm about all this. Cutting and running as soon as the going gets hot?"
I wanted to say 'look who's talking', wanted to say she'd done the same thing to us, but from the look in her eyes she knew exactly what was going through my mind.
So I didn't say a word. I knew what she'd sacrificed and why. She'd left to keep us safe. Us. Not herself.
I sighed, leaning my head against the back of the couch and staring up at the ceiling. "I haven't really thought about it too much. After that first high council meeting, with all the threats of expulsion for fraternizing with non-walkers, not to mention everything Logan has going on that's way less important than my problems, I guess I'd already half decided."
Grams pursed her lips. "So all this nonsense about not wanting to be an alpha has been posturing?"
"Not always." I had finally admitted it. "It hasn't been a lie for most of my life. It's how I felt. But recently, things have happened that changed me, changed my perspective. We'd all trusted Uncle Niko, but his behavior, his experiments, his lack of care for his family, his experimentation on Mom--he killed that trust. Then Greer. We'd never gotten along, never seen eye-to-eye, but she'd had her own demons to deal with, her own horrors. And in the end she was my sister who died admitting she really did love me."
The silence in the room was a living breathing thing, holding the women of my family in suspense as they waited for me to break it.
"All those
Both watched me with strained expressions as I came in and tossed my bag under the coat rack behind the door.
"What did I do now?" I said.
"Kids." Mom smirked as she played with the crumbs on her plate. "Everything's always about you."
I went over to her, grabbed the plate, placed it on the coffee table, and then sank against her.
She squeezed me tight and sighed.
Tilting my head up, I studied her closely. "This new guy in your life, he giving you a hard time?" I narrowed my eyes. "I know where he lives. I could break a few bones for you."
Grams snorted and Mom smiled. "I'll let you know if it ever comes to that." Although she spoke to me, I got the feeling she wasn't really with us, her mind was off somewhere, probably concentrating on the High Council and their shenanigans.
"So. Anything I need to know?"
Mom shook her head. "Not a peep from the council, though your father and his friends have a good idea of who the mole is."
"Mole? Ooh ." I wriggled my eyebrows. "Sounds very cloak-and-dagger."
"It is," Grams said. "The bastards are out to ruin our families." She sat back, studying my face as if she just realized something. "You know this will affect you too, right?"
I shrugged. "Not as if I care about being alpha."
Mom shook her head. "Honey, I don't think you should be so blasé about this."
"But why should it bother me?" I asked, genuinely confused. "If Dad doesn't stay an alpha, Iain will take his place. I don't think I'll even be considered as a possible successor."
Grams leaned forward. "This is where I will have to agree with your mother. You can deny it, because you've never liked the idea of leading, but it's your blood you're talking about."
I snorted. "Half-blood, you mean?" I asked, belatedly glancing at Mom's face. "No offense."
Mom laughed. "None at all. You're the half-breed, not me."
"Mom." I cried, feigning hurt, then let out a sputtering laugh which totally spoiled the effect. Then I sobered. "I know you're worried about me--me and Logan--and I understand, but it's not a problem."
"How is it not a problem?" asked Mom, the warmth in her voice dropping a few degrees. "What are you planning?"
They both stared me down and I shifted in my seat.
"Kailin Odel, you aren't going to leave that boy, are you?"
I didn't respond."
Leaving Logan had been my intention all along, but I hadn't faced it head on until now. Says a lot for ones subconscious.
"You are." Mom did not look impressed. "Now it makes total sense why you've been so calm about all this. Cutting and running as soon as the going gets hot?"
I wanted to say 'look who's talking', wanted to say she'd done the same thing to us, but from the look in her eyes she knew exactly what was going through my mind.
So I didn't say a word. I knew what she'd sacrificed and why. She'd left to keep us safe. Us. Not herself.
I sighed, leaning my head against the back of the couch and staring up at the ceiling. "I haven't really thought about it too much. After that first high council meeting, with all the threats of expulsion for fraternizing with non-walkers, not to mention everything Logan has going on that's way less important than my problems, I guess I'd already half decided."
Grams pursed her lips. "So all this nonsense about not wanting to be an alpha has been posturing?"
"Not always." I had finally admitted it. "It hasn't been a lie for most of my life. It's how I felt. But recently, things have happened that changed me, changed my perspective. We'd all trusted Uncle Niko, but his behavior, his experiments, his lack of care for his family, his experimentation on Mom--he killed that trust. Then Greer. We'd never gotten along, never seen eye-to-eye, but she'd had her own demons to deal with, her own horrors. And in the end she was my sister who died admitting she really did love me."
The silence in the room was a living breathing thing, holding the women of my family in suspense as they waited for me to break it.
"All those
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