Blood Diamond by R. J. Blain

I was going to hunt them down and hit them as hard as I could. With my luck, the responsible individual was already dead, leaving me to do something stupid, like dance naked on their grave. It didn’t feel like a very potent threat. For a moment, I considered asking Evelyn if she’d do it.
    I thought better of it. I had no doubts she’d be happy to shed her clothes, but she wouldn’t be interested in dancing on a grave.
    My amusement at the thought didn’t last long before reality came crashing down once more in the form of a headache, reminding me about the consequences of my idiocy. Turning my attention back to the blueprints, I sighed and once again went over the quickest paths across the ship. The only viable plan I had involved my taking several jet skis, Evelyn, and Zachary’s witches and bailing from the ship as quickly as possible. We could find another way to Canada, somehow. If I wore scuba gear or a life vest, maybe I wouldn’t drown—or sink—when I ended up in the ocean. I wondered how close to shore Zachary could take the Wave Dream in the middle of the night.
    “How’s your hangover?” Zachary said from right behind me. With an undignified squeak, I whirled around. He looked about as tired as I felt.
    “Mostly gone.” Compared to the morning, I felt much better, although I was convinced the headache would never leave.
    After flopping onto the couch next to me, he lifted the lid from the silver plate. “You didn’t eat.”
    “You should thank me for not puking all over your floor, which is what would have happened,” I countered.
    “Boss, it’s bacon. Bacon cures all ills. I should know. I have my PhD in the preparation and consumption of bacon.”
    “You need to have your doctorate revoked. Its curative powers do not apply to my hangovers. Are you off shift?” I picked up one of the sheets of the blueprint, glaring at it for its lack of cooperation in my plan making. “I’ve decided I’ll walk the plank. I’ll even let you poke me with a sword. You do have a sword, don’t you? How about a pirate hat? Where’s Evelyn?”
    Zachary chuckled, popping one of the slices of bacon into his mouth before replying, “She is testing a theory. It involves her, a very skimpy bikini, and one of the ship’s pools. So far, we have confirmed that the average man is too busy staring at her breasts to give more than a passing glance at her face.”
    I set the blueprint down on the coffee table, turning to glare at my friend, who reached out for a second slice of bacon. I beat him to it, snatching it and biting it in half before saying, “Is that so.”
    “It is so. You’re missing quite the show. You’re going to have to carry a club to keep the competition away from her. You should let me marry you two so you won’t have to protect your territory.”
    “That isn’t funny, Zach.”
    “Sure it is; you’re just a stick in the mud. I do have some good news for you, though.”
    “What?” I snatched the other two pieces of bacon before Zachary could steal them. If he wanted the eggs, he was welcome to them. Maybe he was right about the powers of bacon, because my headache didn’t seem quite so bad after I took out my frustration on it.
    “Your brother decided to come pay me a little visit while I was working, so I took him to a quiet part of the ship for a heart to heart. I informed him that I had one or two people who had been attacked on board, and that I wasn’t going to tolerate the Inquisition’s interference with my ship. They were welcome on board, but they weren’t to harass any of my passengers—not a single one of them—or my crew without clearing it with me first and providing proof they’re the ones the Inquisition is looking for. He agreed. He knows there’s at least one woman on board under my guard. He asked if she was involved with his brother’s death. I told him she absolutely was not and that she was just as much of a victim. He bought it hook, line, and sinker. If