slowly up to the backdoor of 100 Main trying to ignore her desire to draw the evening out a little longer. Inviting him in would be stupid for a million reasons. First-date sex was never a good idea, and this would most likely end up being first- and last-date sex, so that would be even worse.
She didn’t even want to think about the fact that she hadn’t been with anyone since Chad. She wasn’t afraid of Alex, not at all; she was afraid of herself. It was the intimate moments that had always made her forgive Chad. When he touched her or kissed her, he was always gentle and loving. She became stupid then, forgiving him and buying all the bullshit that would spew from his mouth in the awful moments. The ones where he would push her around, shove her, or hold her up against a wall, using his size to intimidate her. He’d always been really good about not leaving a mark. Sometimes she would convince herself that because his violence wasn’t
really
painful, or physically obvious, that maybe she was making too much of it. Certainly there were women who were
truly
getting abused—she didn’t have it that bad. At least that’s what she told herself.
Brooke knew by now that she always was incapable of separating sex and feelings. She just wanted to be loved, to be told she was beautiful, to be made to feel desirable. Alex Coleman had no-strings-attached-sex-professional written all over his luscious body. Sleeping with him had the potential to destroy her, because not only did she know it would be wonderful, she knew she would want it to mean something. While Alex would not hurt her physically, he would break her heart. At this point in her life she needed to wait for the man who would be the one. She wanted sex that said “I love you,” not “I’m sorry”—which is what it had always been with Chad. Sex with Alex would probably be amazing, but it would be meaningless—for him, that is.
She pulled out her key as she turned to face him. “So, are we going to address the fact that you swiped that mistletoe ornament from right under my nose? And why did you do that exactly?”
Alex raised an eyebrow and put a hand into his coat pocket. He pulled the sparkly beaded ornament out and held it over her head. “I wanted to support your business, and I guess I thought it might come in handy.”
“Oh my god.” She laughed out loud, her heart kicking up speed. How she wanted to kiss him, maybe more than anything she’d ever wanted in her life. “Could this get any cheesier?”
“It is incredibly cheesy. In fact, I’m ashamed of myself right now.” Lit only by the motion light in the alley, his eyes got serious, staring deep into hers. “But is it working?”
Brooke took a deep breath as every fantasy she’d ever had about Alex came to mind. Good lord, the man was like the sun—looking straight at him was almost painful, and yet here she stood like a flower, practically leaning into his warmth. “Yes, it’s definitely working,” she whispered.
And with that he leaned in, and she felt the heat of his breath right before the soft swipe of his lips. One small kiss, then another that lightly tugged at her lower lip, then another to the corner of her mouth. And finally he answered her unspoken prayers and tilted his chin to take it deeper. Their tongues met in unison, and she instantly pulled back, letting him take charge. And oh god, did his tongue take charge as his fingers found their way to the back of her neck, pulling her into him.
Her hands found leverage by grasping his forearms. Even through the thick wool of his coat and the cotton of her gloves, she could make out the corded muscle there. It felt like heaven. He
tasted
like heaven. Before she had a moment to decide where to let her hands roam next, he pulled away on a strangled groan. She had barely suppressed her own.
“I should go,” he whispered.
“Not yet,” she said, pulling him back down to her. She wasn’t ready to let him leave. This was
She didn’t even want to think about the fact that she hadn’t been with anyone since Chad. She wasn’t afraid of Alex, not at all; she was afraid of herself. It was the intimate moments that had always made her forgive Chad. When he touched her or kissed her, he was always gentle and loving. She became stupid then, forgiving him and buying all the bullshit that would spew from his mouth in the awful moments. The ones where he would push her around, shove her, or hold her up against a wall, using his size to intimidate her. He’d always been really good about not leaving a mark. Sometimes she would convince herself that because his violence wasn’t
really
painful, or physically obvious, that maybe she was making too much of it. Certainly there were women who were
truly
getting abused—she didn’t have it that bad. At least that’s what she told herself.
Brooke knew by now that she always was incapable of separating sex and feelings. She just wanted to be loved, to be told she was beautiful, to be made to feel desirable. Alex Coleman had no-strings-attached-sex-professional written all over his luscious body. Sleeping with him had the potential to destroy her, because not only did she know it would be wonderful, she knew she would want it to mean something. While Alex would not hurt her physically, he would break her heart. At this point in her life she needed to wait for the man who would be the one. She wanted sex that said “I love you,” not “I’m sorry”—which is what it had always been with Chad. Sex with Alex would probably be amazing, but it would be meaningless—for him, that is.
She pulled out her key as she turned to face him. “So, are we going to address the fact that you swiped that mistletoe ornament from right under my nose? And why did you do that exactly?”
Alex raised an eyebrow and put a hand into his coat pocket. He pulled the sparkly beaded ornament out and held it over her head. “I wanted to support your business, and I guess I thought it might come in handy.”
“Oh my god.” She laughed out loud, her heart kicking up speed. How she wanted to kiss him, maybe more than anything she’d ever wanted in her life. “Could this get any cheesier?”
“It is incredibly cheesy. In fact, I’m ashamed of myself right now.” Lit only by the motion light in the alley, his eyes got serious, staring deep into hers. “But is it working?”
Brooke took a deep breath as every fantasy she’d ever had about Alex came to mind. Good lord, the man was like the sun—looking straight at him was almost painful, and yet here she stood like a flower, practically leaning into his warmth. “Yes, it’s definitely working,” she whispered.
And with that he leaned in, and she felt the heat of his breath right before the soft swipe of his lips. One small kiss, then another that lightly tugged at her lower lip, then another to the corner of her mouth. And finally he answered her unspoken prayers and tilted his chin to take it deeper. Their tongues met in unison, and she instantly pulled back, letting him take charge. And oh god, did his tongue take charge as his fingers found their way to the back of her neck, pulling her into him.
Her hands found leverage by grasping his forearms. Even through the thick wool of his coat and the cotton of her gloves, she could make out the corded muscle there. It felt like heaven. He
tasted
like heaven. Before she had a moment to decide where to let her hands roam next, he pulled away on a strangled groan. She had barely suppressed her own.
“I should go,” he whispered.
“Not yet,” she said, pulling him back down to her. She wasn’t ready to let him leave. This was
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