Bit Players, Has-Been Actors and Other Posers: A Must-Read for Fans of Glee, High School Musical and Twilight by S. Stevens
Authors: S. Stevens
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sounding less certain than I intended.
She seized on my weakness like a tiger attacking a small animal. “We individuals are the show, Sadie. Jesus, can you drop the snobby actress thing for even a minute?”
“That’s the kettle calling the pot-- I mean the pot calling the black--”
Ben thankfully interrupted my attempt at a sarcastic comeback. “Let’s do it as a spoof,” he said. “You know, a satire of the whole Twilight thing.”
“Like the Vampires Suck movie. Awesome idea, Benjamin.” Lindsay high-fived Ben, making Ben glow.
“I think an operetta would be nice,” offered Foster, quickly adding “just kidding” when everyone stared at him in disbelief.
“Who votes musical?” asked Lucey, forcing a decision. I had to admit I liked this idea best, so I raised my hand along with almost everyone else. Mr. Lord raised his hand too. Mr. Ellison’s arms remained crossed over his chest, his wide, thin lips in a disapproving frown.
“Excellent, musi-cal it is,” enthused Lord, sounding like Mrs. Darbus in High School Music .
“Um, wait a minute. This all sounds good, but how are we going to turn the movie into a play? We need words and songs and stuff,” said Jocelyn.
“We’ve already determined that Sadie can write the script, right Sadie?” asked Mr. Lord.
“Sure, that would be easy, working from the book.”
“Sadie, make sure you include the part ‘there were three things about which I was absolutely sure,’” Lucey directed.
“Yeah. And the superhero discussion in the cafeteria, when Edward says ‘What if I’m the bad guy?’” Kristina said.
“And of course the whole scene in the woods, when she asks how old he really is,” Lucey added.
“Plus the ‘personal brand of heroin’ line,” said Kristina.
“Ooh—and don’t forget the lion and lamb part,” cooed Jocelyn.
“Guys, give me a chance to write it before you start editing, okay?” I asked, annoyed.
“She’s right. Now, what about music? We can’t have a musical without music,” Mr. Lord said.
“Hey, let’s use songs from the Twilight soundtrack. They’d be perfect,” Kristina suggested.
“Do you mean as background music, like a soundtrack, or would we actually sing them?” Foster asked.
“Non-starter, people,” Mr. Lord said. “Stage musicals rarely have background music, unless it’s integral to the plot, like one of the characters playing an instrument. And songs that work on movie soundtracks set moods; they don’t deliver storylines. I’m not saying we can’t use them, but we’ll have to adapt them to make them tell our story.” We made faces but accepted the truth in what he said. “Original songs would be best. Surely someone here must write songs in their spare time?”
“Not at Crudup, Mr. Lord. We’re cruddy when it comes to songwriting.” We let Lindsay’s dig at our name pass because we were allowed to make fun of our own school name, even though others weren’t. It was kind of like family – you could criticize your own relatives but God forbid anyone else did. “I know one guy who plays guitar and tries to write songs, but they all suck, big time,” Lindsay finished.
“Not anyone?” Mr. Lord grasped.
“This ain’t East High and we ain’t got no Kelsi,” Foster sang in a Southern accent while the rest of us shook our heads.
“How about you, Mr. Lord? Do you write songs?” Kristina asked innocently, making Mr. Ellison smirk.
“No, afraid not,” Lord said. “Well, we’ll just have to use a different approach. Maybe we can use existing songs that tie to the Twilight themes, like they do on Glee . Or adapt existing songs, by writing new words to them.”
Ooh, I liked this idea. Alex and I had been writing new words to songs for years, usually to make them funnier. Sometimes, I tested my limited songwriting juices by writing serious words to the cadence of an existing song, but I wasn’t very good at it. Writing scripts was so much easier for me than
She seized on my weakness like a tiger attacking a small animal. “We individuals are the show, Sadie. Jesus, can you drop the snobby actress thing for even a minute?”
“That’s the kettle calling the pot-- I mean the pot calling the black--”
Ben thankfully interrupted my attempt at a sarcastic comeback. “Let’s do it as a spoof,” he said. “You know, a satire of the whole Twilight thing.”
“Like the Vampires Suck movie. Awesome idea, Benjamin.” Lindsay high-fived Ben, making Ben glow.
“I think an operetta would be nice,” offered Foster, quickly adding “just kidding” when everyone stared at him in disbelief.
“Who votes musical?” asked Lucey, forcing a decision. I had to admit I liked this idea best, so I raised my hand along with almost everyone else. Mr. Lord raised his hand too. Mr. Ellison’s arms remained crossed over his chest, his wide, thin lips in a disapproving frown.
“Excellent, musi-cal it is,” enthused Lord, sounding like Mrs. Darbus in High School Music .
“Um, wait a minute. This all sounds good, but how are we going to turn the movie into a play? We need words and songs and stuff,” said Jocelyn.
“We’ve already determined that Sadie can write the script, right Sadie?” asked Mr. Lord.
“Sure, that would be easy, working from the book.”
“Sadie, make sure you include the part ‘there were three things about which I was absolutely sure,’” Lucey directed.
“Yeah. And the superhero discussion in the cafeteria, when Edward says ‘What if I’m the bad guy?’” Kristina said.
“And of course the whole scene in the woods, when she asks how old he really is,” Lucey added.
“Plus the ‘personal brand of heroin’ line,” said Kristina.
“Ooh—and don’t forget the lion and lamb part,” cooed Jocelyn.
“Guys, give me a chance to write it before you start editing, okay?” I asked, annoyed.
“She’s right. Now, what about music? We can’t have a musical without music,” Mr. Lord said.
“Hey, let’s use songs from the Twilight soundtrack. They’d be perfect,” Kristina suggested.
“Do you mean as background music, like a soundtrack, or would we actually sing them?” Foster asked.
“Non-starter, people,” Mr. Lord said. “Stage musicals rarely have background music, unless it’s integral to the plot, like one of the characters playing an instrument. And songs that work on movie soundtracks set moods; they don’t deliver storylines. I’m not saying we can’t use them, but we’ll have to adapt them to make them tell our story.” We made faces but accepted the truth in what he said. “Original songs would be best. Surely someone here must write songs in their spare time?”
“Not at Crudup, Mr. Lord. We’re cruddy when it comes to songwriting.” We let Lindsay’s dig at our name pass because we were allowed to make fun of our own school name, even though others weren’t. It was kind of like family – you could criticize your own relatives but God forbid anyone else did. “I know one guy who plays guitar and tries to write songs, but they all suck, big time,” Lindsay finished.
“Not anyone?” Mr. Lord grasped.
“This ain’t East High and we ain’t got no Kelsi,” Foster sang in a Southern accent while the rest of us shook our heads.
“How about you, Mr. Lord? Do you write songs?” Kristina asked innocently, making Mr. Ellison smirk.
“No, afraid not,” Lord said. “Well, we’ll just have to use a different approach. Maybe we can use existing songs that tie to the Twilight themes, like they do on Glee . Or adapt existing songs, by writing new words to them.”
Ooh, I liked this idea. Alex and I had been writing new words to songs for years, usually to make them funnier. Sometimes, I tested my limited songwriting juices by writing serious words to the cadence of an existing song, but I wasn’t very good at it. Writing scripts was so much easier for me than
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