Big Sick Heart: A Detectives Seagate and Miner Mystery by Mike Markel

Connie and the others, you’re not gonna be able to do this
job. But if you get too hardened to the stories you hear, you’ll forget you’re
dealing with real people. Then, you won’t be able to get inside their heads,
see things through their eyes. And you won’t be able to figure out who killed
Hagerty.”
    “And after you figure out who killed him, how do
you forget about all the bad stories you heard along the way?”
    I paused. “What I do is … In fact, I’ve known two
detectives who knew how to do it. They were both married to strong people, had
families, like you do. Somehow they were able to leave it in the locker. So
maybe you’ll figure out how to do it, too.”
    “And you, Karen? What did you say you do?”
    “I didn’t actually say. But the truth is … the
truth is I get drunk most nights.” My hand came up to my mouth and I began
biting at a fingernail, like I’ve done since I was, maybe, four. I could see
Ryan noticing a drop of blood on my finger.
    “Why did you tell me that, Karen?”
    “Shit, I don’t know.” I thought a moment. “Didn’t
want you to think there was something wrong with you because Connie’s story
bummed you out.” That might have been part of it: I told him because it’s
something a new detective needs to hear. I was glad when I saw Ryan nod his
head. But maybe another reason is I hadn’t talked with anyone for a real long
time. My ex and I didn’t talk. We didn’t talk since before he became my ex, which
had a lot to do with him becoming my ex. And I didn’t have any girlfriends.
Pulling night shift had something to do with that, but so did the divorce. You
can lose them in a divorce, too. Those would be the two big reasons.
    I decided right then not to let Ryan see anything
more about me, at least not for a long while. “All right,” I said, “let’s get
back on task here.”
    “Absolutely,” Ryan said. “Thanks, Karen.”
    “Forget it,” I said, with a melancholy smile.
“Really: I mean forget it.”
    “You got it, partner.” I was glad to see him
smile, even though it wasn’t his big grin.
    “Okay, so what are you getting from Connie’s
story?”
    “Well,” he said, “I’m seeing a motive as big as
the sky. I could see myself just flipping out one night and killing him. All it
would have taken is one wrong word or one funny look from that creep. Or one
perverted request too many.”
    “Yeah, you could be right. She could have a good
ten years of resentment built up and all of a sudden it busts out.”
    “That’s the way I’m seeing it right now,” he said.
    “But what about her affect—you know, the monotone
voice, the OCD, the smoking? All of those are ways you keep a lid on things,
right? If she had flipped out last night and killed him, don’t you think we’d
see something weird today that would show her struggling to keep it together?”
    “I just don’t know,” Ryan said. “Maybe you flip
out, and that helps you get back on track the next day.”
    “Yeah, maybe. But how about the lack of an alibi.
If I was planning to kill him, I’d work something out with Jon earlier. Even if
I wasn’t planning to kill him, the first thing I would’ve done afterwards was
go to him. He’s the one I trust. Then I’d have an alibi.”
    “You’re making a bunch of assumptions there,” Ryan
said. “First, you’re assuming she was thinking clearly enough to set up an
alibi. Twenty holes in Hagerty doesn’t suggest clear thinking. And you’re
assuming she’d go to Jon. Maybe they’ve got some kind of close relationship but
she doesn’t trust him to lie for her. Or maybe she doesn’t want to involve him.
You know, she loves him but she wants to protect him. She realizes her life is
over now, and she’s not going to take him down with her.”
    “Yeah, everything you say is right. She could be
the one.”
    “But you don’t think so?”
    “I’m not sure, but I don’t think so,” I said.
    “Why?”
    “I don’t know. Her