he continued. “But I’m not here to make things difficult. I know you and Big D just moved on to a whole new level. I just want you to have all the facts, to know exactly how I feel. If he’s your choice, I’ll back off. But if you’re willing to give me a chance, to give us a chance, I’m here. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.”
Jen’s heart thundered in her chest as she rose to stand, staring evenly across the hall at David. Just when she thought her emotions were on the verge of snapping, they stretched further. “D and I broke up.”
Chapter 11
Jen’s red dress had lain in a heap at her feet as she’d stood next to the king-sized bed, wearing only her pushy up bra and lacy thong. Big D had stood in front of her, stripped down to his striped boxer briefs, running his large hands up and down her body, telling her how much he loved her and how happy she was about to make him.
Jen had frozen. Completely frozen. And it’d had nothing to do with the size of D’s penis. Something had been wrong. Off.
She didn’t love Big D.
The realization had crashed down on her out of nowhere. She’d tried to shake it off, but it had gripped her so forcefully there’d been nothing she could do but explore it. D was wonderful and perfect and good. D loved her. D would undoubtedly provide her with a bright and glorious future. But desperately wanting to love someone and actually loving him were two different things. She didn’t love him.
It would’ve been easy to compartmentalize her emotions so she could’ve enjoyed the ecstasies of a night between the sheets with D. She hadn’t wanted to disappoint him. But not only had she promised herself to never again sleep with someone she didn’t love, going through with it would’ve been unfair to him. Making love surely would’ve strengthened his already strong attachment, making it more difficult for him when he learned her feelings didn’t match his.
“D…” She’d pulled his hands away from her bared hips. “I’m so sorry. I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Have sex with you tonight.”
“Babe.” He’d pulled her close, cradling her with an arm across her back and the other curved up to comb his fingers through her hair. He’d kissed the top of her head. “Don’t be scared. I’ll be gentle.”
“I know.” Tears had sprung forth, and she’d buried her head against his chest. “It’s not that.” Then she’d pulled back from him, placing her hands on either side of his face and staring straight into his beautiful blue eyes. “Please understand that I love you. I love you so much—as a person. I’m just not sure I’m in love with you.”
A crease had formed between his eyebrows. “You’re not sure or you know?”
She’d bitten her lip, and fat tears had leaked out the corners of her eyes. “I know.”
His steel blue gaze had fallen to the carpet. For several moments, the only sounds that had passed between them were Jen’s sniffles. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he’d finally said, then walked away, pulling his pajama pants from his duffel bag and going into the bathroom. The shower had started, and he’d stayed in there a long while. By the time he’d come out, Jen had cried herself to sleep. She’d hated hurting him.
In the morning, she’d woken at the edge of the bed with D’s back facing her from the opposite side. Moving as quietly as she could, she’d gone from the bed to the closet and then to the bathroom. In the shower, she’d let cool water run over her face, trying to calm the puffiness around her eyes. When she’d come out, fully dressed, D had been up, sitting at the small, round table with a mug of coffee.
“There’s more if you want some,” he’d said.
She’d walked over, taking the chair across from him but staying silent, letting him guide how the morning would go.
“I’m sorry I was short with you last night,” he’d said. “You caught me off guard. It seemed like things were going
Jen’s heart thundered in her chest as she rose to stand, staring evenly across the hall at David. Just when she thought her emotions were on the verge of snapping, they stretched further. “D and I broke up.”
Chapter 11
Jen’s red dress had lain in a heap at her feet as she’d stood next to the king-sized bed, wearing only her pushy up bra and lacy thong. Big D had stood in front of her, stripped down to his striped boxer briefs, running his large hands up and down her body, telling her how much he loved her and how happy she was about to make him.
Jen had frozen. Completely frozen. And it’d had nothing to do with the size of D’s penis. Something had been wrong. Off.
She didn’t love Big D.
The realization had crashed down on her out of nowhere. She’d tried to shake it off, but it had gripped her so forcefully there’d been nothing she could do but explore it. D was wonderful and perfect and good. D loved her. D would undoubtedly provide her with a bright and glorious future. But desperately wanting to love someone and actually loving him were two different things. She didn’t love him.
It would’ve been easy to compartmentalize her emotions so she could’ve enjoyed the ecstasies of a night between the sheets with D. She hadn’t wanted to disappoint him. But not only had she promised herself to never again sleep with someone she didn’t love, going through with it would’ve been unfair to him. Making love surely would’ve strengthened his already strong attachment, making it more difficult for him when he learned her feelings didn’t match his.
“D…” She’d pulled his hands away from her bared hips. “I’m so sorry. I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Have sex with you tonight.”
“Babe.” He’d pulled her close, cradling her with an arm across her back and the other curved up to comb his fingers through her hair. He’d kissed the top of her head. “Don’t be scared. I’ll be gentle.”
“I know.” Tears had sprung forth, and she’d buried her head against his chest. “It’s not that.” Then she’d pulled back from him, placing her hands on either side of his face and staring straight into his beautiful blue eyes. “Please understand that I love you. I love you so much—as a person. I’m just not sure I’m in love with you.”
A crease had formed between his eyebrows. “You’re not sure or you know?”
She’d bitten her lip, and fat tears had leaked out the corners of her eyes. “I know.”
His steel blue gaze had fallen to the carpet. For several moments, the only sounds that had passed between them were Jen’s sniffles. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he’d finally said, then walked away, pulling his pajama pants from his duffel bag and going into the bathroom. The shower had started, and he’d stayed in there a long while. By the time he’d come out, Jen had cried herself to sleep. She’d hated hurting him.
In the morning, she’d woken at the edge of the bed with D’s back facing her from the opposite side. Moving as quietly as she could, she’d gone from the bed to the closet and then to the bathroom. In the shower, she’d let cool water run over her face, trying to calm the puffiness around her eyes. When she’d come out, fully dressed, D had been up, sitting at the small, round table with a mug of coffee.
“There’s more if you want some,” he’d said.
She’d walked over, taking the chair across from him but staying silent, letting him guide how the morning would go.
“I’m sorry I was short with you last night,” he’d said. “You caught me off guard. It seemed like things were going
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