Beyond Death by Deb McEwan

opposed to watching from their new home.
    ‘Are you ready to go and see your father yet?’ Claire thought about it. She adored her father but was still annoyed about his deceit.
    ‘I know the best way ahead is to discover his side of the story as well, Ron, but I’m still so angry with him and afraid I’d do something I might regret if I went to see him now. I know my brothers must feel the same too, as they haven’t been to see him yet.’
    Ron didn’t know her brothers so didn’t comment. He couldn’t imagine what Claire would do to her father but did understand her anger.
    ‘Okay, we’ll leave it for a while,’ he smiled sympathetically, ‘but only if you’re sure?’
    Claire was trying to be more mature and forgiving in her outlook and re-thought her decision.
    ‘Come on then. I’m ready to visit my father but I warn you, I’ll probably get emotional.’
    Talk about stating the obvious. ‘No problem, Claire. I can handle it.’
     
    *****
    Graham had faced the sack or a visit to the doctor. He’d chosen the latter and had been signed off for six weeks having been told he was suffering from depression. He’d been prescribed tablets and the doctor had also advised him to get some exercise and lose weight. He’d moved into his current flat the weekend after his relationships had fallen apart and he looked around now at the boxes still packed in the corner of the room. He was too ashamed and frightened to speak to his sons. Marion and Carol had made it perfectly clear that they never wanted to see him again and Mel had refused to speak to him since he’d broken up with her mother. Graham picked up the plate and looked at the cakes, the only comfort in his sad miserable life. Whether to have a chocolate éclair, apple turnover or jam donut was the biggest decision he would make today. What the hell, he thought as he selected the giant éclair. It made no difference which one he ate now as they’d all be gone within the hour. He switched on the TV and surfed channels. A gardening programme and chat show later, Graham put the empty plate down next to him on the sofa and looked at the sad crumbs. He turned his head upwards, his face a mask of misery.
    ‘Claire, Claire, Claire!’ he cried out. ‘Oh Claire. What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?’ Graham picked up the plate and threw it at the television, watching in wonder as the plate and the screen smashed into smithereens. He bent forward, put his head in his hands and cried. It was the first time that Graham had cried in years. He cried for the loss of his marriage, his relationship with Carol, in self-pity, in shame, but most of all for the loss of his beautiful daughter who he hadn’t seen enough when she was alive and now missed like hell. He sobbed his heart out like a young child until he was totally spent, then he curled up on the sofa hugging his knees to his chest and for the first time in months slept a dreamless sleep.
     
    The anger that Claire had felt since she’d discovered her father’s double life drained from her as if someone had opened the floodgates. She was overcome with love for the fat man that she hardly recognized and knew he was in dire need of help. As she had with Jay, Claire tried to visit her father in his sleep. Even as she tried she knew she wasn’t getting through. Ron had silently watched the whole sorry episode and when he could see that Claire was no longer concentrating suggested that it was time to leave.
    ‘We can’t do anything for him at the moment. You’ll only upset yourself more if we stay.’
    She was reluctant to leave.
    ‘Come on, Claire.’ Ron tried pulling her but she shook him off. ‘Let’s go back where there’s no distractions and think about what we can do for him.’
    Claire must have agreed without consciously thinking about it as she opened her eyes and they were back in Cherussola. In the land of Cherussola thought Claire as she collapsed on the clean cream leather sofa that was the