out when I kissed you, I’m telling you now, in plain words that I’m gay. That’s all.”
I let the words float in the air between us. The music seemed a little louder suddenly, but I couldn’t tell if I was now hypersensitive to my surroundings or if it had been turned up.
“Cool.”
“That’s it?” He chuckled again.
“Well, I have a few questions, I admit. Do you mind?”
“Go right ahead.” He leaned back in his chair, stretching his long legs out straight in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was harder to read, but I was used to that now.
“First of all, why are you telling slash showing me? Second, are you out at work and with the general public? And last one… are you sure?”
Peter’s impassive expression gave way to a breathtaking full-stop smile. He shook his head and uncrossed his arms as though disarming himself.
“I’m going to assume you don’t care which order I answer your questions.” He paused politely, so I inclined my head in agreement. “Yes, I’m sure I’m gay.” He smiled again at me. “I can’t think for the life of me why I’d make that up.”
“Maybe you wanted to be as cool as me…,” I offered to lighten the mood. He smiled at my lame joke.
“Maybe so. I am out. My family knows, my good friends know, and in a professional sense, if it makes sense that someone I’m working with knows, then I tell him or her.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“Why? I don’t know. I’m…. you are so… I don’t know how to….” He stood up, his agitation evident in his jerky movement. His usual graceful manner forgotten.
I waited patiently.
“I’m doing this little school kid ‘show and tell’ thing because I’m… I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we work together and this is inappropriate, but I… I think you’re extremely….” He ran his hand through his thick dark hair and rested it on his neck again, finally stopping to look at me. “Pretty. You’re a little wild and reckless too, not to mention completely fucking odd at times, but maybe that’s part of your charm. I find you insanely attractive. I wish I didn’t. I mean… you know what I mean. This can never happen, but… you interest me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was in shock. I knew before he said the words aloud that he was gay. First of all, that kiss the other night was passionate and real. He didn’t really have to say the words for me to know that he wouldn’t have kissed me like that if he didn’t feel something akin to lust at the very least. So he was gay, or maybe bi. Plus, I have three brothers, all straight, and there is no way in hell any of them would come to a place like this for anything more than a quick drink. The fact he owned it, even partially, spoke volumes. But it was his uncharacteristic show of vulnerability that was my own undoing. He wanted me?
“Interest? As in I’m interesting?”
“Yeah. And sexy as hell.”
His eyes were intense suddenly, and I was grateful for the distance. I wasn’t sure I was prepared for any of this. And frankly, I was still in complete disbelief.
“I’m flattered. I’m also a little confused.” I stood up and paced the small alcove space. “I won’t ask again after this last time, but… are you sure? You must be, but when did you know?” I blurted.
He laughed again, a deep, lovely sound that had me smiling in return. “You want my coming-out story?”
I nodded.
“It’s not particularly exciting. The short story is that I figured it out in college. I’d had a couple of girlfriends in high school, but the truth is that I was probably a late bloomer. I did what I thought was expected of me. I got good grades, I played sports… football, baseball, and I had a girlfriend. And when it didn’t work out, because hey… I was sixteen and not the most attentive boyfriend… I got another. I didn’t know the real reason I wasn’t all that interested in girls when I was a high
I let the words float in the air between us. The music seemed a little louder suddenly, but I couldn’t tell if I was now hypersensitive to my surroundings or if it had been turned up.
“Cool.”
“That’s it?” He chuckled again.
“Well, I have a few questions, I admit. Do you mind?”
“Go right ahead.” He leaned back in his chair, stretching his long legs out straight in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was harder to read, but I was used to that now.
“First of all, why are you telling slash showing me? Second, are you out at work and with the general public? And last one… are you sure?”
Peter’s impassive expression gave way to a breathtaking full-stop smile. He shook his head and uncrossed his arms as though disarming himself.
“I’m going to assume you don’t care which order I answer your questions.” He paused politely, so I inclined my head in agreement. “Yes, I’m sure I’m gay.” He smiled again at me. “I can’t think for the life of me why I’d make that up.”
“Maybe you wanted to be as cool as me…,” I offered to lighten the mood. He smiled at my lame joke.
“Maybe so. I am out. My family knows, my good friends know, and in a professional sense, if it makes sense that someone I’m working with knows, then I tell him or her.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“Why? I don’t know. I’m…. you are so… I don’t know how to….” He stood up, his agitation evident in his jerky movement. His usual graceful manner forgotten.
I waited patiently.
“I’m doing this little school kid ‘show and tell’ thing because I’m… I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we work together and this is inappropriate, but I… I think you’re extremely….” He ran his hand through his thick dark hair and rested it on his neck again, finally stopping to look at me. “Pretty. You’re a little wild and reckless too, not to mention completely fucking odd at times, but maybe that’s part of your charm. I find you insanely attractive. I wish I didn’t. I mean… you know what I mean. This can never happen, but… you interest me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was in shock. I knew before he said the words aloud that he was gay. First of all, that kiss the other night was passionate and real. He didn’t really have to say the words for me to know that he wouldn’t have kissed me like that if he didn’t feel something akin to lust at the very least. So he was gay, or maybe bi. Plus, I have three brothers, all straight, and there is no way in hell any of them would come to a place like this for anything more than a quick drink. The fact he owned it, even partially, spoke volumes. But it was his uncharacteristic show of vulnerability that was my own undoing. He wanted me?
“Interest? As in I’m interesting?”
“Yeah. And sexy as hell.”
His eyes were intense suddenly, and I was grateful for the distance. I wasn’t sure I was prepared for any of this. And frankly, I was still in complete disbelief.
“I’m flattered. I’m also a little confused.” I stood up and paced the small alcove space. “I won’t ask again after this last time, but… are you sure? You must be, but when did you know?” I blurted.
He laughed again, a deep, lovely sound that had me smiling in return. “You want my coming-out story?”
I nodded.
“It’s not particularly exciting. The short story is that I figured it out in college. I’d had a couple of girlfriends in high school, but the truth is that I was probably a late bloomer. I did what I thought was expected of me. I got good grades, I played sports… football, baseball, and I had a girlfriend. And when it didn’t work out, because hey… I was sixteen and not the most attentive boyfriend… I got another. I didn’t know the real reason I wasn’t all that interested in girls when I was a high
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