awareness.
Blink.
I was racing along the deck in the dark, fleeing as if the very hounds of hell were at my heels.
Blink.
I was tucked in a doorway as the heavens burst loose, drenching the world in a steady curtain of rain.
Blink.
I was staggered on my knees near the jogging track, retching out anything I had eaten for the entire voyage. The deluge washed it all away, removed any trace, as if it had never existed.
Blink.
I was back at the beginning again, standing at the cabin door, caught in Evan’s gaze …
The tears came again, streaming down my face, an echo of the world around me. A distant part of me wondered that I had any tears left. Somehow I was both wrung dry and also soaked to the bone. Shivers wracked me, and I wrapped my arms tighter around my body.
I couldn’t go back to my room. What if Evan was there? What if he wasn’t, and Kayla was awake? What could I tell her? How could I explain any of this, when even my own mind refused to make sense of it?
It just couldn’t be true. There was no way. My mind simply refused to connect the pieces, as if a European style plug was trying to jam into an American receptacle. They didn’t fit. There was no way to make these two scenes meld together.
But I had seen it with my own eyes. Which meant that everything that had come before was a lie.
A low moan shook from me, and from some inner depth fresh tears were found, were brought forth and presented as offerings to the gods of capriciousness.
I had been used.
There were footsteps, a shadow rounded the corner, and a long, low groan staggered out of Evan. He dropped to one knee in relief, his face haggard, lined with worry and exhaustion. “Jesus Christ, Amanda. There you are. I’ve searched every square inch of this ship for you. I thought -” He bit off the words, his throat going tight.
He reached out a hand for me.
I flinched, pulling back into my corner, wrapping my arms tighter around my knees.
His face tensed, and he turned his hand palm up in a gesture of supplication. “Please, Amanda, let me –”
My voice was sharp, unnatural to my own ears. “Don’t touch me.”
His eyes drew down me in concern. “God, Amanda, you are freezing.” He stood and used his card on the door to one side of me, pushing it open. He propped it with his foot while he reached down with both hands, hooking them under my arms. I wanted to resist, to fight him off, but waves of warmth came from the noisy machine room within, and deep longing billowed within me, craving that heat. I allowed him to carry me in, to set me down onto a chair which sat before a small console. A large open space at the center of the room could easily have held my cabin within it. All around the edges were tubes and levers, and a steady thrum resonated within the room.
It was warm. Soul-baskingly warm.
I groaned. I hadn’t realized just how tightly every muscle in my body had been clenched until they began to carefully, slowly unfurl.
He looked down at me, running a hand through his thick hair. For some reason the motion made me think of that woman in the bar, and my heart crystalized, turned to ice.
His jaw was tight. “Amanda, if you let me –”
My voice shot from me, harder and more forceful than I knew was possible. “I’m reporting all of you to the local police.”
His gaze shadowed. “Please, I can –”
I could feel the steel sliding down my spine, strengthening me. “We haven’t left land yet. There’s still time. I’ll get to the station and tell them exactly what I know. They will round you all up and stick you in some hell hole for the rest of your lives.”
His hand reached for my arm and I shook him off, my eyes shooting daggers into him. “Don’t you touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again.”
I staggered to my feet, and for a long moment it seemed my legs wouldn’t hold me. Then, at
Blink.
I was racing along the deck in the dark, fleeing as if the very hounds of hell were at my heels.
Blink.
I was tucked in a doorway as the heavens burst loose, drenching the world in a steady curtain of rain.
Blink.
I was staggered on my knees near the jogging track, retching out anything I had eaten for the entire voyage. The deluge washed it all away, removed any trace, as if it had never existed.
Blink.
I was back at the beginning again, standing at the cabin door, caught in Evan’s gaze …
The tears came again, streaming down my face, an echo of the world around me. A distant part of me wondered that I had any tears left. Somehow I was both wrung dry and also soaked to the bone. Shivers wracked me, and I wrapped my arms tighter around my body.
I couldn’t go back to my room. What if Evan was there? What if he wasn’t, and Kayla was awake? What could I tell her? How could I explain any of this, when even my own mind refused to make sense of it?
It just couldn’t be true. There was no way. My mind simply refused to connect the pieces, as if a European style plug was trying to jam into an American receptacle. They didn’t fit. There was no way to make these two scenes meld together.
But I had seen it with my own eyes. Which meant that everything that had come before was a lie.
A low moan shook from me, and from some inner depth fresh tears were found, were brought forth and presented as offerings to the gods of capriciousness.
I had been used.
There were footsteps, a shadow rounded the corner, and a long, low groan staggered out of Evan. He dropped to one knee in relief, his face haggard, lined with worry and exhaustion. “Jesus Christ, Amanda. There you are. I’ve searched every square inch of this ship for you. I thought -” He bit off the words, his throat going tight.
He reached out a hand for me.
I flinched, pulling back into my corner, wrapping my arms tighter around my knees.
His face tensed, and he turned his hand palm up in a gesture of supplication. “Please, Amanda, let me –”
My voice was sharp, unnatural to my own ears. “Don’t touch me.”
His eyes drew down me in concern. “God, Amanda, you are freezing.” He stood and used his card on the door to one side of me, pushing it open. He propped it with his foot while he reached down with both hands, hooking them under my arms. I wanted to resist, to fight him off, but waves of warmth came from the noisy machine room within, and deep longing billowed within me, craving that heat. I allowed him to carry me in, to set me down onto a chair which sat before a small console. A large open space at the center of the room could easily have held my cabin within it. All around the edges were tubes and levers, and a steady thrum resonated within the room.
It was warm. Soul-baskingly warm.
I groaned. I hadn’t realized just how tightly every muscle in my body had been clenched until they began to carefully, slowly unfurl.
He looked down at me, running a hand through his thick hair. For some reason the motion made me think of that woman in the bar, and my heart crystalized, turned to ice.
His jaw was tight. “Amanda, if you let me –”
My voice shot from me, harder and more forceful than I knew was possible. “I’m reporting all of you to the local police.”
His gaze shadowed. “Please, I can –”
I could feel the steel sliding down my spine, strengthening me. “We haven’t left land yet. There’s still time. I’ll get to the station and tell them exactly what I know. They will round you all up and stick you in some hell hole for the rest of your lives.”
His hand reached for my arm and I shook him off, my eyes shooting daggers into him. “Don’t you touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again.”
I staggered to my feet, and for a long moment it seemed my legs wouldn’t hold me. Then, at
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