Benevolent by Leddy Harper

didn’t know where she lived and she wouldn’t give me her phone number, so I waited until the first day of junior year and started again. I don’t know why and I never questioned it, but she finally said yes on that very first day of school. I took her out to dinner that Friday and the rest is history.”
    “That’s a really great story, Dane,” she said with a smile.
    “It’s funny because I was so used to her not saying much, that when I finally did get her number and called, I was surprised at how much she talked. We talked on the phone from eight that night until two in the morning. We talked about everything. And then the next night, we talked for another five hours. I don’t know what the hell we had to talk about, but we did. There wasn’t one awkward silent moment the entire time.”
    The memory of the beginning brought a smile to my face.
    “That is the girl I miss. I feel like I haven’t seen her in so long.”
    Eden finished her sandwich before asking another question. “So she started getting depressed after the baby? Things were good until then?”
    And that was when I realized I shouldn’t talk anymore. The phone started ringing at the perfect moment. My eyes met Eden’s and hers went wide. She looked between me and the ringing phone on my desk, silently telling me to answer it. I wasn’t sure why I had hesitated so much. I had been waiting for it to ring all morning and when it finally did, I froze. I figured it was because I was still uncomfortable talking to Gabi in front of Eden, but after telling her the story of us getting together, it shouldn’t have bothered me anymore.
    I picked up the phone and let out a sigh of relief when I heard Gabi’s voice on the other end. Eden smiled at me and got up to head back to her office, leaving me alone with my phone call.
    “What did he say?” I asked impatiently.
    “I told him I didn’t want to be on medicine. I hate those pills, Dane.”
    “I know you do. What did he say?”
    “He said we can try a few weeks of just counseling and see how that goes, but if I’m not improving then he wants to try me on something. What if I get like last time? I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t think I will be able to do that again,” she cried.
    “We’ll just have to try really hard to get through this together, okay? You have me, Gabs. I won’t let anything happen to you. I swore once that I would keep you safe from ever getting hurt again, and I’ve kept that promise to the best of my ability, have I not?”
    “Yes you have. I don’t know where I would be without you. I love you. You know that, right? I know I haven’t been very good to you lately, and I hate that. I want to be better for you. I want to be happy for you. I don’t want you to leave me.”
    I hated the despair in her voice. It fucking killed me. I hated that she thought more about making me happy than making herself happy. There I was, getting friendly with Eden while Gabi was at home, feeling like shit because she was making me unhappy.
    “Yes, Gabs, I know you love me. And we’ll get through this. Just you and me, like always.”

    Gabi was quiet during dinner. I tried talking to her about the appointment, but all she gave me were general answers. I didn’t want to push her, but I knew her. If I didn’t push, she would slip further and further away. It happened once before. But what had caused that would have made anyone slip so far down the cracks they never would’ve come back. But Gabi did. I had pushed her so hard I was pulling her, right back into the living. It’s what gave me hope that there was light at the end of this tunnel, too.
    “Did you want to go for a walk on the beach with me?” I asked her as we cleaned the kitchen together. At least that was an improvement. She normally retreated back to the room with her e-reader and left it all for me. Much like the laundry and the cooking.
    “No, I think I’m just going to take a bath and finish this