that
important.”
“What happened to the
patient?”
“Nothing. My supervising RN caught the
mistake. But God, what if I messed up again and no one caught it?
I’d never be able to live with myself if someone got hurt because
of me.”
“But you were a student, you were
still learning. That was why you had a nurse supervising you in the
first place.”
“Still, I’m not smart enough to be a
nurse. At least I had enough sense to realize that and walk away
from it.” Zan pivoted around and stared at me. “Hold still,” I
said, reaching around him to keep the icepack in place. “It hasn’t
been twenty minutes yet.”
“Who told you that you weren’t smart
enough?”
“Nobody needed to tell me, it was
obvious.” He stared at me for another long moment. We were in an
awkward position, since I was partially embracing him to keep the
ice on his shoulder.
“I never would have guessed that, not
in a million years,” he murmured.
I grinned a little. “That I’m
stupid?”
“Damn it Gianni, stop saying that.
You’re not even sort of stupid. What I meant was, I never in a
million years would have guessed that you’d have self-esteem
issues. Everything about you exudes confidence. And now to find out
you think this about yourself? It’s just
incomprehensible.”
I lowered my gaze embarrassedly and
suddenly, I became acutely aware of our proximity. I was close
enough to feel the warmth of his body and breathe in his clean
scent, which I tried to ignore as I muttered, “I don’t think I have
self-esteem issues, I’m just really self-aware. I see my
shortcomings clearly, and even though you’re being nice to me right
now, I’m sure you see them, too.”
Zan’s voice was low and gentle as he
said, “You’re stubborn as hell and you have a temper on you, but if
I’m being honest, I look at those things as pluses, not minuses.
Beyond that, from where I’m sitting, you’re pretty damn perfect,
Gianni.”
I tried to laugh that off, even as
some sort of strong emotion welled up in me. “Which just goes to
show that you really don’t know me at all. Perfect has got to be
the very last word I’d ever apply to myself.”
“And you think you’re self-aware,” he
muttered.
I had such an overwhelming urge to put
my arms around Zan and hold on tight, but that was insane on so
many levels. So what if he was showing me a moment of kindness?
That was only because I’d stirred up some pity by talking about my
total failure as a nursing student. The fact that he couldn’t stand
me surely hadn’t changed.
“Here, hold this in place,” I said as
I picked up his left hand and draped it over his right shoulder so
he could grasp the edge of the icepack. “If you lean back with this
between you and the couch, you can keep it on your shoulder without
tiring your arm.”
I got up and grabbed my phone. “You
have eight more minutes. Please use an icepack a few more times
today, and take some ibuprofen if you have any. Both of those
things will minimize the swelling and bruising.”
“Where are you going?” he asked as I
headed for the door.
“I’ve bothered you enough for one day.
I’m going to get out of here and give you some space.”
“I live all alone in the middle of
nearly a hundred acres, Gianni. About the last thing I need is to
be given space.”
“ Well, I’m giving you some
anyway.”
He came after me when I left the den
and asked, “Did I do something wrong? I mean, more than
usual?”
“No, of course not.” I turned to look
at him and said, “Shit Zan, that wasn’t twenty minutes. Go back and
get your icepack.”
“Close enough.”
“No it wasn’t. Go ice.” I scooped up
the canvas shopping bags and started to leave the
kitchen.
“You’ve forgotten something,” he
called after me.
I stopped at the far side of the room
and turned to look at him. “What did I forget?”
He went up to the kitchen island and
offered me a little grin as he touched the center of it.
important.”
“What happened to the
patient?”
“Nothing. My supervising RN caught the
mistake. But God, what if I messed up again and no one caught it?
I’d never be able to live with myself if someone got hurt because
of me.”
“But you were a student, you were
still learning. That was why you had a nurse supervising you in the
first place.”
“Still, I’m not smart enough to be a
nurse. At least I had enough sense to realize that and walk away
from it.” Zan pivoted around and stared at me. “Hold still,” I
said, reaching around him to keep the icepack in place. “It hasn’t
been twenty minutes yet.”
“Who told you that you weren’t smart
enough?”
“Nobody needed to tell me, it was
obvious.” He stared at me for another long moment. We were in an
awkward position, since I was partially embracing him to keep the
ice on his shoulder.
“I never would have guessed that, not
in a million years,” he murmured.
I grinned a little. “That I’m
stupid?”
“Damn it Gianni, stop saying that.
You’re not even sort of stupid. What I meant was, I never in a
million years would have guessed that you’d have self-esteem
issues. Everything about you exudes confidence. And now to find out
you think this about yourself? It’s just
incomprehensible.”
I lowered my gaze embarrassedly and
suddenly, I became acutely aware of our proximity. I was close
enough to feel the warmth of his body and breathe in his clean
scent, which I tried to ignore as I muttered, “I don’t think I have
self-esteem issues, I’m just really self-aware. I see my
shortcomings clearly, and even though you’re being nice to me right
now, I’m sure you see them, too.”
Zan’s voice was low and gentle as he
said, “You’re stubborn as hell and you have a temper on you, but if
I’m being honest, I look at those things as pluses, not minuses.
Beyond that, from where I’m sitting, you’re pretty damn perfect,
Gianni.”
I tried to laugh that off, even as
some sort of strong emotion welled up in me. “Which just goes to
show that you really don’t know me at all. Perfect has got to be
the very last word I’d ever apply to myself.”
“And you think you’re self-aware,” he
muttered.
I had such an overwhelming urge to put
my arms around Zan and hold on tight, but that was insane on so
many levels. So what if he was showing me a moment of kindness?
That was only because I’d stirred up some pity by talking about my
total failure as a nursing student. The fact that he couldn’t stand
me surely hadn’t changed.
“Here, hold this in place,” I said as
I picked up his left hand and draped it over his right shoulder so
he could grasp the edge of the icepack. “If you lean back with this
between you and the couch, you can keep it on your shoulder without
tiring your arm.”
I got up and grabbed my phone. “You
have eight more minutes. Please use an icepack a few more times
today, and take some ibuprofen if you have any. Both of those
things will minimize the swelling and bruising.”
“Where are you going?” he asked as I
headed for the door.
“I’ve bothered you enough for one day.
I’m going to get out of here and give you some space.”
“I live all alone in the middle of
nearly a hundred acres, Gianni. About the last thing I need is to
be given space.”
“ Well, I’m giving you some
anyway.”
He came after me when I left the den
and asked, “Did I do something wrong? I mean, more than
usual?”
“No, of course not.” I turned to look
at him and said, “Shit Zan, that wasn’t twenty minutes. Go back and
get your icepack.”
“Close enough.”
“No it wasn’t. Go ice.” I scooped up
the canvas shopping bags and started to leave the
kitchen.
“You’ve forgotten something,” he
called after me.
I stopped at the far side of the room
and turned to look at him. “What did I forget?”
He went up to the kitchen island and
offered me a little grin as he touched the center of it.
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