something that wasn’t your fault. Maybe she wasn’t meant for you, or perhaps she came into your life to teach your humility and let go off your arrogance. You can’t decide things like this. She came as a light in your life, and she showered you with happiness, but she also taught you things that you have forgotten. You need to realize those.
And then he left without a word. I was deeply touched by what he had told me, but what he was doing to himself was wrong. He had forgotten what life was and what happiness was. If I wasn’t happy with my life, I could at least make somebody happy. I would make him know happiness, I vowed.
Chapter 9
I flicked through different channels on the television, utterly bored with myself. I didn’t want to switch on my laptop and log in to mIRC, as I felt that I was spending a lot of time there and it wasn’t too good for me. I was trying to avoid mIRC because I was growing closer to him than I should. It was wrong. I didn’t know him, really, except for what he told me about himself. He could be a serial killer for all I knew, and these were his tactics. I planned to watch either HBO or Star Movies. I paused on the music station for a moment, as it was airing my favorite song by Bonnie Taylor, “Total Eclipse of The Heart”.
As I sat there listening to the song, my mind drifted towards last night’s conversation. All that he had told me yesterday came back to me. So that was why he was so unapproachable and unlike other guys who I knew. He was different, I knew that, but I didn’t know there was so much more to him. My heart went out to him, because I could relate to how someone could fall into darkness. Everyone has their secrets, and I did too. I couldn’t tell anyone how I could understand his predicament, but I could. I wanted him to see the light. He was a friend to me; so what if we didn’t know each other’s names? That’s not a big deal. What mattered was that I just wanted to see him happy.
In the past, I had hated this soft and forgiving side of myself. Today, it finally seemed as though it would help me. Maybe this softness had a purpose: I was supposed to help someone see the light. I vowed to make sure he saw life through my eyes, despite the fact that I wasn’t too happy with it. I could see the happiness and the expectation of something that would be happening to me. I would talk to him about her tonight. Maybe then he would open up and share, so that he felt better.
It was night when I logged in. I looked around for him and thankfully, he was online.
ME: There?
Impassioned: Yes.
ME: Why did you run away last night?
I wanted know what had really made him log off before hearing my reactions. What had he wanted to accomplish with that?
Impassioned: Don’t play with fire. It obviously will burn your hands.
Ugh! Another cryptic remark, I thought and then I realized that I had set my away message to Playing with fire.
Impassioned: I never run away. I just chose to leave.
ME: Why?
Impassioned: Because it is very painful to remind myself of that incident all over once again.
I was genuinely sorry for him. Nobody should have to go through what he did. It was so saddening.
ME: I’m so sorry for that.
Impassioned: After she was buried, everyone left. She was afraid of the dark. I swore on her grave that this heart would not beat for anyone else in this life again. I know it’s impractical to say, but my heart beat for you for a while. I WILL KILL THIS HEART IF I have to, but I will not let it betray my promise.
What did he mean that his heart beat for me for a while? Surely, he wasn’t falling in love with me? I didn’t think so; he hardly knew me. Love didn’t come this easily; there should be hardships that the books described. This is not how I thought it would be. I didn’t love him. I just wanted him to start living his life again, like a normal person.
ME: Neither would I let you do that. I won’t let you spoil your
And then he left without a word. I was deeply touched by what he had told me, but what he was doing to himself was wrong. He had forgotten what life was and what happiness was. If I wasn’t happy with my life, I could at least make somebody happy. I would make him know happiness, I vowed.
Chapter 9
I flicked through different channels on the television, utterly bored with myself. I didn’t want to switch on my laptop and log in to mIRC, as I felt that I was spending a lot of time there and it wasn’t too good for me. I was trying to avoid mIRC because I was growing closer to him than I should. It was wrong. I didn’t know him, really, except for what he told me about himself. He could be a serial killer for all I knew, and these were his tactics. I planned to watch either HBO or Star Movies. I paused on the music station for a moment, as it was airing my favorite song by Bonnie Taylor, “Total Eclipse of The Heart”.
As I sat there listening to the song, my mind drifted towards last night’s conversation. All that he had told me yesterday came back to me. So that was why he was so unapproachable and unlike other guys who I knew. He was different, I knew that, but I didn’t know there was so much more to him. My heart went out to him, because I could relate to how someone could fall into darkness. Everyone has their secrets, and I did too. I couldn’t tell anyone how I could understand his predicament, but I could. I wanted him to see the light. He was a friend to me; so what if we didn’t know each other’s names? That’s not a big deal. What mattered was that I just wanted to see him happy.
In the past, I had hated this soft and forgiving side of myself. Today, it finally seemed as though it would help me. Maybe this softness had a purpose: I was supposed to help someone see the light. I vowed to make sure he saw life through my eyes, despite the fact that I wasn’t too happy with it. I could see the happiness and the expectation of something that would be happening to me. I would talk to him about her tonight. Maybe then he would open up and share, so that he felt better.
It was night when I logged in. I looked around for him and thankfully, he was online.
ME: There?
Impassioned: Yes.
ME: Why did you run away last night?
I wanted know what had really made him log off before hearing my reactions. What had he wanted to accomplish with that?
Impassioned: Don’t play with fire. It obviously will burn your hands.
Ugh! Another cryptic remark, I thought and then I realized that I had set my away message to Playing with fire.
Impassioned: I never run away. I just chose to leave.
ME: Why?
Impassioned: Because it is very painful to remind myself of that incident all over once again.
I was genuinely sorry for him. Nobody should have to go through what he did. It was so saddening.
ME: I’m so sorry for that.
Impassioned: After she was buried, everyone left. She was afraid of the dark. I swore on her grave that this heart would not beat for anyone else in this life again. I know it’s impractical to say, but my heart beat for you for a while. I WILL KILL THIS HEART IF I have to, but I will not let it betray my promise.
What did he mean that his heart beat for me for a while? Surely, he wasn’t falling in love with me? I didn’t think so; he hardly knew me. Love didn’t come this easily; there should be hardships that the books described. This is not how I thought it would be. I didn’t love him. I just wanted him to start living his life again, like a normal person.
ME: Neither would I let you do that. I won’t let you spoil your
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