natural. It was something I wasn’t ashamed to
admit: I wanted to have sex with the blond sitting on a picnic table in the
middle of the woods. I wanted to run my tongue all along the smooth skin of her
body and just taste her — experience her. This girl was already better than any drug I’d taken and I hadn’t even
done anything with her yet.
When I finally reached her, I sat down on one of the seats.
She turned to me and placed her feet on the seat beside me, her wet braid
hanging loosely over one shoulder and her eyes alight with humor. I grabbed the
backs of her calves and fought hard not to spread her legs and pull her down on
my lap.
In a moment of absolute honesty that I had no idea where it
came from, I confessed, “I don’t know what I’m going to do later in life. All I
know is that I’m supposed to go to college, and I’m supposed to get a job after
that. Once that’s accomplished, I’m sure I’m supposed to get married and have
kids and grow old and shit. And to be completely fucking honest with you, I
don’t actually want to do any of it.
It’s so boring. There’s no challenge to it. Everybody does it.”
She looked surprised to hear my confession. “So then, don’t
do that. Pick something else. What are you interested in? You could do
something where you have to travel, where you get to explore the world. Take
the image of what you think your life should be and make it a reality. Travel
the world until you figure it out, live life like a pirate if you want.”
I laughed. “Like a pirate? You’re kidding, right?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. But you know what I mean.”
“What are you going to do?” It was weird, but I really
wanted to know. She was fascinating.
She motioned around at our surroundings. “Well, we’re kind
of doing it now. I want to be a forest ranger, I want
to help take care of the environment. I want to make a difference. It won’t be
a huge one, but it’ll be something. I start college at the end of the summer
and Finn and I both are majoring in forestry.”
Finn. My heart sank and a lump formed in my throat at the
mention of her on again off again boyfriend.
“So, you and Finn will be seeing each other every day? Won’t
that be rough if you don’t want to be with him?” There was a little bit of
jealousy in my voice. I didn’t intend it, but it happened.
Thankfully, if she noticed, she didn’t act like it. “Finn
and I can be friends again. That’s how we started. He’ll move on at some point
because he has no problem attracting women. I refuse to let a failed
relationship destroy what we had before it happened. Maybe it’s stupid of me,
but I think it’s a shame when two people can’t put aside their differences and
still remain in each other’s lives. He’s a good guy. He understands me. It’s
rare for me to be able to find someone like that.”
“Then why don’t you just stay with him?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “My dad would like that. He
thinks Finn would be the perfect husband. But I just don’t feel those things
for him. There are no butterflies when he’s around, there’s no electricity.
When he touches me or kisses me, I feel nothing.” Her eyes caught mine at that
moment and my breath was stolen from my chest. “I love Finn, but I’m not in love with him. Do you know what I
mean?”
I didn’t. I had no idea what she meant because I wasn’t even
sure I knew the difference between like and love … much less love and in love . I didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was to want a
girl, but that was pretty much where it ended. I also knew the basic definition
of love, but I had never actually felt it.
I looked up at her. I wanted to lie, to tell her I knew
exactly what she was talking about, but, somehow, I knew she’d see right
through me.
“No. I hate to admit it, but I am clueless when it comes to
that concept.”
Chapter Eight
Ellison
I was shocked, to say the least. His brown hair
admit: I wanted to have sex with the blond sitting on a picnic table in the
middle of the woods. I wanted to run my tongue all along the smooth skin of her
body and just taste her — experience her. This girl was already better than any drug I’d taken and I hadn’t even
done anything with her yet.
When I finally reached her, I sat down on one of the seats.
She turned to me and placed her feet on the seat beside me, her wet braid
hanging loosely over one shoulder and her eyes alight with humor. I grabbed the
backs of her calves and fought hard not to spread her legs and pull her down on
my lap.
In a moment of absolute honesty that I had no idea where it
came from, I confessed, “I don’t know what I’m going to do later in life. All I
know is that I’m supposed to go to college, and I’m supposed to get a job after
that. Once that’s accomplished, I’m sure I’m supposed to get married and have
kids and grow old and shit. And to be completely fucking honest with you, I
don’t actually want to do any of it.
It’s so boring. There’s no challenge to it. Everybody does it.”
She looked surprised to hear my confession. “So then, don’t
do that. Pick something else. What are you interested in? You could do
something where you have to travel, where you get to explore the world. Take
the image of what you think your life should be and make it a reality. Travel
the world until you figure it out, live life like a pirate if you want.”
I laughed. “Like a pirate? You’re kidding, right?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. But you know what I mean.”
“What are you going to do?” It was weird, but I really
wanted to know. She was fascinating.
She motioned around at our surroundings. “Well, we’re kind
of doing it now. I want to be a forest ranger, I want
to help take care of the environment. I want to make a difference. It won’t be
a huge one, but it’ll be something. I start college at the end of the summer
and Finn and I both are majoring in forestry.”
Finn. My heart sank and a lump formed in my throat at the
mention of her on again off again boyfriend.
“So, you and Finn will be seeing each other every day? Won’t
that be rough if you don’t want to be with him?” There was a little bit of
jealousy in my voice. I didn’t intend it, but it happened.
Thankfully, if she noticed, she didn’t act like it. “Finn
and I can be friends again. That’s how we started. He’ll move on at some point
because he has no problem attracting women. I refuse to let a failed
relationship destroy what we had before it happened. Maybe it’s stupid of me,
but I think it’s a shame when two people can’t put aside their differences and
still remain in each other’s lives. He’s a good guy. He understands me. It’s
rare for me to be able to find someone like that.”
“Then why don’t you just stay with him?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “My dad would like that. He
thinks Finn would be the perfect husband. But I just don’t feel those things
for him. There are no butterflies when he’s around, there’s no electricity.
When he touches me or kisses me, I feel nothing.” Her eyes caught mine at that
moment and my breath was stolen from my chest. “I love Finn, but I’m not in love with him. Do you know what I
mean?”
I didn’t. I had no idea what she meant because I wasn’t even
sure I knew the difference between like and love … much less love and in love . I didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was to want a
girl, but that was pretty much where it ended. I also knew the basic definition
of love, but I had never actually felt it.
I looked up at her. I wanted to lie, to tell her I knew
exactly what she was talking about, but, somehow, I knew she’d see right
through me.
“No. I hate to admit it, but I am clueless when it comes to
that concept.”
Chapter Eight
Ellison
I was shocked, to say the least. His brown hair
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