I love you didn't automatically mean she'd agree to live happily ever after with me. "What if I've changed my mind and decided I want complicated? What if I want to try?"
Her finger is on my stomach and she's tracing that invisible infinity symbol like she always does when she's nervous. "When I fell before, you didn't catch me."
She's right. She told me she loved me and I let her down. But never again. Never. "I'll always be sorry for that, Laurelyn. You've never had a single person in your life who didn't let you down, but that's not who I'm going to be. I swear I'll be there for you, if you'll let me."
Because of the men in Laurelyn's past, she's destined to have trust issues and she's never hidden this from me. We didn't have problems with it when our agreement defined very clear expectations, but a normal relationship will be different. I'm certain it won't come easy for us, but I'm prepared to do anything it takes to be with her.
"I can't lie. This—me and you—scares the shit out of me."
I'd be worried if she weren't frightened. "Me too, but wouldn't you rather be scared together than be miserable apart? Because I know that's what I'd be without you."
"You're right. I've done the being-miserable-apart thing for the last three months and it blows. I'm ready to try the scared-shitless-together part."
***
I turn my back to Jack Henry and snuggle against him. It hasn't been quite long enough but I know he's going to have me again as soon as he's ready. I'm definitely willing whenever all systems are go.
His hand slides around my waist and he rubs it in a circular motion on my stomach again. He seems to be hung up on that area tonight for some reason. I cup my hand over his. "Are you discovering a second time how much you like my belly-button piercing? You can't seem to stay away from it tonight."
"Your piercing isn't what I'm fixated on."
Hmm…that sounds interesting. Maybe he's already revving up for round two. That was quicker than expected, but it has been a long time. I scoot back so I'm pressed against him. "Then what has you so mesmerized tonight?"
He doesn't make a move or answer right away. "I found your birth control pills after you were gone."
"Oh." I knew I'd left them somewhere in the bedroom, so I'm not at all surprised by him bringing that up. I suspect he probably had quite the come-apart when he found them since I already know how badly he wants to avoid a pregnancy.
"There were two nights we didn't use condoms about the time you missed your pills. I didn't even attempt to pull out, so you can understand why I would've spent the last three months wondering if you were pregnant." He pushes my hair aside and kisses the back of my neck. "Don't be afraid to tell me if you are because of that fucked-up misunderstanding we had at my parents' house." His mouth is hovering over my ear and he sucks my lobe. "I love you so much and I swear I'd love our baby too."
Just when I think I can't love this man more, he says something like that and I fall even deeper.
I reach for his hand splayed on my stomach and lace my fingers through his. He clenches it tightly as he waits for me to answer his question. "I'm not pregnant."
But right now he sure makes me wish I were.
"I caught up on the pills I missed with a new pack as soon as I got home."
He doesn't act relieved the way I'd expect. Did he want me to be pregnant? Before this moment, I thought he would've freaked out big time over a pregnancy, but his telling me that he'd love our baby makes me think otherwise.
"I had to ask, Laurelyn. It was driving me crazy thinking you might have our baby growing inside you but were too afraid to tell me because of how foolish I acted before."
"I probably would've been scared to tell you." Hell, who am I kidding? I would've been petrified to tell him I was having his baby. "Just so you know, I'm not on the pill anymore because of my migraines. I had an IUD placed since it didn't look like I'd be
Her finger is on my stomach and she's tracing that invisible infinity symbol like she always does when she's nervous. "When I fell before, you didn't catch me."
She's right. She told me she loved me and I let her down. But never again. Never. "I'll always be sorry for that, Laurelyn. You've never had a single person in your life who didn't let you down, but that's not who I'm going to be. I swear I'll be there for you, if you'll let me."
Because of the men in Laurelyn's past, she's destined to have trust issues and she's never hidden this from me. We didn't have problems with it when our agreement defined very clear expectations, but a normal relationship will be different. I'm certain it won't come easy for us, but I'm prepared to do anything it takes to be with her.
"I can't lie. This—me and you—scares the shit out of me."
I'd be worried if she weren't frightened. "Me too, but wouldn't you rather be scared together than be miserable apart? Because I know that's what I'd be without you."
"You're right. I've done the being-miserable-apart thing for the last three months and it blows. I'm ready to try the scared-shitless-together part."
***
I turn my back to Jack Henry and snuggle against him. It hasn't been quite long enough but I know he's going to have me again as soon as he's ready. I'm definitely willing whenever all systems are go.
His hand slides around my waist and he rubs it in a circular motion on my stomach again. He seems to be hung up on that area tonight for some reason. I cup my hand over his. "Are you discovering a second time how much you like my belly-button piercing? You can't seem to stay away from it tonight."
"Your piercing isn't what I'm fixated on."
Hmm…that sounds interesting. Maybe he's already revving up for round two. That was quicker than expected, but it has been a long time. I scoot back so I'm pressed against him. "Then what has you so mesmerized tonight?"
He doesn't make a move or answer right away. "I found your birth control pills after you were gone."
"Oh." I knew I'd left them somewhere in the bedroom, so I'm not at all surprised by him bringing that up. I suspect he probably had quite the come-apart when he found them since I already know how badly he wants to avoid a pregnancy.
"There were two nights we didn't use condoms about the time you missed your pills. I didn't even attempt to pull out, so you can understand why I would've spent the last three months wondering if you were pregnant." He pushes my hair aside and kisses the back of my neck. "Don't be afraid to tell me if you are because of that fucked-up misunderstanding we had at my parents' house." His mouth is hovering over my ear and he sucks my lobe. "I love you so much and I swear I'd love our baby too."
Just when I think I can't love this man more, he says something like that and I fall even deeper.
I reach for his hand splayed on my stomach and lace my fingers through his. He clenches it tightly as he waits for me to answer his question. "I'm not pregnant."
But right now he sure makes me wish I were.
"I caught up on the pills I missed with a new pack as soon as I got home."
He doesn't act relieved the way I'd expect. Did he want me to be pregnant? Before this moment, I thought he would've freaked out big time over a pregnancy, but his telling me that he'd love our baby makes me think otherwise.
"I had to ask, Laurelyn. It was driving me crazy thinking you might have our baby growing inside you but were too afraid to tell me because of how foolish I acted before."
"I probably would've been scared to tell you." Hell, who am I kidding? I would've been petrified to tell him I was having his baby. "Just so you know, I'm not on the pill anymore because of my migraines. I had an IUD placed since it didn't look like I'd be
Similar Books
