Beautiful Music
I watched her as she stood there, in the shadows of the wings, waiting for her cue. Rahab had been my best friend for so long. It was she who had sought me out, come to me under the Theatre House, to offer her assistance, her friendship. She had been so young then and yet so fearless. We had spent so many hours and days together, sometimes leaning over the piano, creating both serious and silly tunes, our jet black hair mixing as one head. Sometimes, there was laughter, activity, games and fun. Of course, there were arguments, we had those on occasion. She would be tired from the show, and I from my pursuit of Carol. Then there were yells and screams, tears, and broken objects. And sometimes, there was just the roaring silence of our thoughts as we sat there, perhaps her hand entwined with mine.
I had always thought Rahab was beautiful, even when she first came to me. I had never really thought that about anyone. Carol became intoxicating as her voice became stronger, and Madeline’s dance had captivating me. It couldn’t have mattered less to me what these ladies looked like, but they were beautiful in their own way. Rahab captivated me from the moment I saw her, her raven hair, her violet eyes, and her soul, overflowing with love and compassion. She won’t ever be a singer, I’ve tried to work with her voice, and she will never be the best dancer out there, but she will always be mine. I tried to love her like I loved Carol, like I loved Madeline, because she would love back. But I couldn’t. I loved her too much to ruin what we have. And, in a way, it’s ok. She can have her friends, her lovers, but Rahab will always be mine. She told me so herself.
She turned back to look at me, only she knew where’d I be, only she could see me there in the shadows. And then, knowing her cue would be awhile yet, she stepped back into darkness, near me.
“It’s cold, Alaric,” she said. I looked at her strangely. Backstage was known for too many bodies perspiring together. But indeed, she did look cold. Her teeth chattered slightly: beneath her stage makeup, she seemed pale, drawn, her cheekbones seemed more noticeable. In a moment of inspiration, I took off my glove, and took her hand. It was like ice, unbelievably so, and I put it to my face. She turned then, hearing a sharp note in the music and I noticed how thin she had become. She was shuddering, despite all the heat, trembling for pure weakness, and suddenly I understood in all, in a rush of panic. All those times came flooding back to me, and I could have slapped myself. All those times, all those excuses I ate already, I’m not hungry, I’ll eat later, I don’t feel well…I should have seen that they were happening one time too many.
“Reb?” I asked, carefully, not wanting to distract her before the show. “Reb, have you eaten anything today?”
“Not before the show, Alaric,” she replied lightly. “You know I can’t.” And then she flounced off.
***
“Dissapear into the shadows, Alaric, ” Madame Wenton was at his side. “You will be seen.”
“Madame.” Alaric turned his eyes to her in a panic. “Madame, is Rahab… unwell?”
“How so?” Madame Wenton turned to him.
“She isn’t eating. She hasn’t been for a long while now.”
“All ballerinas go through those stages, Alaric. I know the danger signs, and she is not yet there.”
“What do you speak of? Have you looked at her lately?” Fear flooded his mind, which quickly transferred to anger. “Have you not been watching, Madeline? Why does Reb not eat?”
“She wants to be thin.” The chorographer said smoothly. “Thin on stage, thin and beautiful. She thinks that is what will get her far.”
“She was always thin…”
“But she does not see herself as such. We have watched her as we watch them all. Rahab does not have the willpower to starve.”
“You do not know Rahab!” Alaric was frightened now.
“Carol tries the same.”
“Carol…..
I watched her as she stood there, in the shadows of the wings, waiting for her cue. Rahab had been my best friend for so long. It was she who had sought me out, come to me under the Theatre House, to offer her assistance, her friendship. She had been so young then and yet so fearless. We had spent so many hours and days together, sometimes leaning over the piano, creating both serious and silly tunes, our jet black hair mixing as one head. Sometimes, there was laughter, activity, games and fun. Of course, there were arguments, we had those on occasion. She would be tired from the show, and I from my pursuit of Carol. Then there were yells and screams, tears, and broken objects. And sometimes, there was just the roaring silence of our thoughts as we sat there, perhaps her hand entwined with mine.
I had always thought Rahab was beautiful, even when she first came to me. I had never really thought that about anyone. Carol became intoxicating as her voice became stronger, and Madeline’s dance had captivating me. It couldn’t have mattered less to me what these ladies looked like, but they were beautiful in their own way. Rahab captivated me from the moment I saw her, her raven hair, her violet eyes, and her soul, overflowing with love and compassion. She won’t ever be a singer, I’ve tried to work with her voice, and she will never be the best dancer out there, but she will always be mine. I tried to love her like I loved Carol, like I loved Madeline, because she would love back. But I couldn’t. I loved her too much to ruin what we have. And, in a way, it’s ok. She can have her friends, her lovers, but Rahab will always be mine. She told me so herself.
She turned back to look at me, only she knew where’d I be, only she could see me there in the shadows. And then, knowing her cue would be awhile yet, she stepped back into darkness, near me.
“It’s cold, Alaric,” she said. I looked at her strangely. Backstage was known for too many bodies perspiring together. But indeed, she did look cold. Her teeth chattered slightly: beneath her stage makeup, she seemed pale, drawn, her cheekbones seemed more noticeable. In a moment of inspiration, I took off my glove, and took her hand. It was like ice, unbelievably so, and I put it to my face. She turned then, hearing a sharp note in the music and I noticed how thin she had become. She was shuddering, despite all the heat, trembling for pure weakness, and suddenly I understood in all, in a rush of panic. All those times came flooding back to me, and I could have slapped myself. All those times, all those excuses I ate already, I’m not hungry, I’ll eat later, I don’t feel well…I should have seen that they were happening one time too many.
“Reb?” I asked, carefully, not wanting to distract her before the show. “Reb, have you eaten anything today?”
“Not before the show, Alaric,” she replied lightly. “You know I can’t.” And then she flounced off.
***
“Dissapear into the shadows, Alaric, ” Madame Wenton was at his side. “You will be seen.”
“Madame.” Alaric turned his eyes to her in a panic. “Madame, is Rahab… unwell?”
“How so?” Madame Wenton turned to him.
“She isn’t eating. She hasn’t been for a long while now.”
“All ballerinas go through those stages, Alaric. I know the danger signs, and she is not yet there.”
“What do you speak of? Have you looked at her lately?” Fear flooded his mind, which quickly transferred to anger. “Have you not been watching, Madeline? Why does Reb not eat?”
“She wants to be thin.” The chorographer said smoothly. “Thin on stage, thin and beautiful. She thinks that is what will get her far.”
“She was always thin…”
“But she does not see herself as such. We have watched her as we watch them all. Rahab does not have the willpower to starve.”
“You do not know Rahab!” Alaric was frightened now.
“Carol tries the same.”
“Carol…..
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