Beast from Beneath the Cafeteria! by Tony Abbott

1
    Food, Glorious Food!
    L iz Duffey stepped into the lunch line at W. Reid Elementary just in time to stop a disaster.
    Mike Mazur, the new kid, was staring down at the steaming gray lump on his tray.
    Slowly he pushed the lump around the tray with his finger. “Man,” he said. “I’m so hungry. But, whoa!” He pushed the thing some more. “I don’t know about this …”
    Finally, he looked over at Liz and whispered. “What exactly is this thing?”
    Liz smiled. “You’re new here, right?”
    â€œPretty new,” Mike said.
    â€œRule number one,” said Liz. “Always read before you feed.” She pointed to the menu taped on the wall behind them.
    Mike squinted up at the sheet of paper. “This can’t be right. Hambooger? With spackle sauce? ” He looked back at the gray lump and frowned.
    Liz chuckled. “If Miss Lieberman typed the menu, it’s probably supposed to be hamburger with special sauce. But you never know, because …”
    Mike stopped listening when he heard the word hamburger. He liked the way it sounded. He looked at the lump again and smiled.
    If he had been listening to what Liz was saying, he would have learned a thing or two about W. Reid Elementary School.
    A place where, if two things could happen—a regular thing and a weird thing—the weird thing would happen. No contest.
    If Mike had been listening to Liz, he would also have heard how Principal Bell always popped up at the oddest moments. And how Miss Lieberman, the assistant principal, was never far behind.
    And he would have heard Liz explain that Mr. Sweeney, the janitor, was always angry. And that he didn’t like kids. At all.
    This was all because their school was in Grover’s Mill. And Grover’s Mill happened to be the exact center of total intergalactic weirdness.
    Finally, if Mike really had been listening, he would have figured out that if the menu said hambooger, maybe, just maybe, that’s what it really was!
    â€œThe Weird Zone,” Liz said. “That’s what I call it. And the grown-ups that live here are all Zoners. Some of the kids are, too.”
    While Liz was busy explaining all this, Mike was busy picking the gray lump off his tray again and looking at it closely.
    He lifted it toward his mouth. “Doesn’t look so bad.” He smiled. Then his eyes glazed over. “Must feed the stomach,” he droned.
    He opened his jaws wide.
    Suddenly— fwing! —Liz’s hand flew up and grabbed Mike’s arm in midair. She clutched tight and wouldn’t let go.
    â€œDon’t do it!” Liz cried.
    â€œMust feed the stomach …” Mike repeated, tugging hard against Liz’s grip.
    A big dollop of green drippy stuff oozed out of the lumpy thing in Mike’s hand and splatted on the lunch tray. It hissed when it landed.
    â€œI’m losing the spackle sauce!” Mike yelped.
    He tugged harder. Liz had to wrestle him with both hands. The gray lump edged closer to Mike’s lips. It was almost there.
    â€œPsss … psss!” Liz whispered something into Mike’s ear.
    His arm went limp. He dropped the thing back on his tray. “Really?” he said softly.
    Liz nodded. “Believe me, my mom used to work here. This is the stuff that killed the dinosaurs.”
    Liz pointed to a small trapdoor on the floor just behind the food counter. “Down there in the storage cellar. That’s where they keep all the special ingredients. Trust me, this place is weird. With a capital W. ”
    Mike stared down at the trapdoor. “Thanks,” he said. “You saved my life.”
    Liz smiled. “It’s okay. You’re new here. But I’ll tell you something else about this school,” she whispered, pointing to the trapdoor. “My mom said someone has been messing with—”
    BANG! The hall door flew open behind them and a dark shadow fell over