playground. Heâs going to beat the flesh of your backside until its battered and bruised. You canât believe it and decide you wonât do it. The punishment sounds too severe and youâre leaving. You reach down to pull up your panties, but Iâm there to stop you. I grab you and pull you across my lap. You protest, but Iâm holding you down and all you can do is curse at me. Youâll get ten strokes of the cane in addition to everything else if you donât stay on my lap. So there you are, your skirt up to your waist and your exposed butt facing up at me. I enjoy the sight. You can see yourself in the mirror on the wall and you burn with shame. I stroke your bare behind and a little between your legs, making you lie there and wait, and you get even angrier.
You hate being like this, but you know itâs why you came here, too. No one ever treats you like this and you need someone to. Thatâs why Iâm going to give you such a hard spanking. When I ignore your cries and pleas for mercy it wonât be because Iâm cruel, it will be because you need me to. My inclination to coddle you would be counterproductive and youâd be disappointed if I gave into it. Life isnât all about happiness and pleasure, thereâs pain as well, and itâs best that the pain come this way, in the context of someone who cares about you. What sort of punishment would it be if I stopped when you asked?
At 10:41 PM 4/23/2004,
[email protected] wrote:
But why do I need it, Tom? Why do I seek it out? If itâs something Iâm going to hate, something thatâs going to cause me mental and physical anguish, why am I writing you now? Why am I dying to do it with you? Why do I take advantage of men who are sweet to me and break up with men who wonât stand up to me?
Do I need a spanking because Iâve been dirty and shameful, or am I dirty and shameful because I need a spanking? Are you spanking me because Iâve been bad or am I bad because youâre spanking me?
Why do I think a spanking will make it all better?
At 11:04 PM 4/23/2004,
[email protected] wrote:
I donât know why but thatâs just how you are. And because thatâs how you are, because youâre overcome by this appetite â an appetite so complimentary with my own â I will do it to you. Youâre possessed by something you canât do yourself; you hunger for pain and humiliation that can only come from someone like me.
But maybe it makes sense, Ellen. After all, what hurts worse: a spanking or the way you torture yourself? All those questions in your email make me think that being you is very hard. Yours is a restless mind, too restless. This is whatâs amazing about you and whatâs wrong with you. This is why you want to be overcome by a man. You wonder if a man can be strong enough to take you away from yourself? Can a manâs firm hand on your backside give you a respite from all the questions?
It shouldnât, but Iâm going to show you that it can.
At 11:31 PM on 4/23/2004,
[email protected] wrote:
No Tom. Itâs worse than that. The better parts of me have atrophied from disuse. Iâm like a blighted tree, decaying from the inside out. Thereâs something wrong with me. Iâm broken. Men donât believe me when I tell them this. Thatâs why I break up with them, because they donât really know who I am. You have to believe me. You have to show me that you believe me by beating me hard. Thatâs why youâll do it, Tom. Youâll do it because you can see how bad I am.
You wonât have to come up with a reason to spank me. Iâve done plenty. Iâve always taken advantage of people. Iâve always lied. Itâs easy because everyone believes me. They tell me I intimidate them. I know they wonât question me. Plus, whenever I get caught I come up with some way to make people feel