limo’s broken window and combustible two liter bottle of soda.
And I hoped I
could get the video off YouTube of Lindsey performing karaoke on the
restaurant’s hibachi. It was a good Beyoncé impression until they turned on the
grill.
My sister never
handled alcohol well. She took criticism of her drinking habits worse. My
newest mission was forcing her to drink water before her head exploded, and we
weren’t even in phase two of the bachelorette party.
Because
Lindsey’s party wasn’t just one night.
Oh no .
This was only
the beginning.
“If we want to
get to the cabin, we should head out now.” I guided the bottle of water to her
lips. She cheered, splashed, and spilled on me. At least she was excited about the
weekend excursion to Bryce’s family’s lake house. “It’s a long trip—”
“God, Mandy.
Can’t you just relax for once?” Lindsey belched, and that did nothing
for the nausea swirling in my stomach. “You’re all…go here, go there, eat your noodles,
go to the cabin, don’t steal the traffic cone, stop groping the policeman—”
“It’s your schedule,” I said. “You said to stick to the itinerary, no matter how many bars
we crawled.”
“But I wanna dance !”
Lindsey attempted
to take off her bra before removing her shirt. The shoulder strap snapped off,
and she collapsed in a fit of giggles. She headed for her panties instead.
Of course, in
classic Lindsey style, those were lost somewhere between the mani/pedis and
dinner.
Lindsey whipped
half of her bra out of her sleeve and over her head. The other half tangled around
the piercings she still had to hide from Mom.
“Someone start
the music!” She howled.
The music was
already blaring. I covered my eyes as my sister lifted her skirt and flashed
the bar.
Oh sweet Mary
and Joseph—
Now was not the time of the month for her to be expressing herself!
The tampon
string was just the fuse that would blow this party from drunken fun to jail
time.
I grabbed
Lindsey and dove over her skirt before the world saw everything she was giving
away for the wedding.
“Okay, we’re
leaving for the cabin now . We need our rest, right?” I shook Lindsey to
gain her attention. She toppled onto the bar. “The cabin’s gonna be just as
fun. We’ll get to work on the wedding dances.”
“ Dances !”
Lindsey slouched a bit. “Can’t wait to nae nae .”
I could. Oh,
Lord, what I wouldn’t do to avoid the rest of the weekend. But we only had six
weeks until the wedding, and Lindsey’s choreographed dance routines didn’t
learn themselves.
The only thing
that horrified me more than an unplanned pregnancy was shimmying onto the dance
floor with my fellow bridesmaids just to reveal that I was the only black woman
in the tristate area with no rhythm. At least it was only my closest friends
and the entirety of my family that would witness this disaster.
And Nate .
Of course Nate
would see me awkward, jerky, and combusting in shame. Then again…it wouldn’t be
much different from when I usually spoke to him, except this time I was
expected to shake my booty.
I couldn’t even
hand jive, and Lindsey sure as hell expected more than the twist. I was boned.
“Time to go!” I
helped Lindsey to her feet. “Know what’s better than dancing? Sobriety !”
“And curvy
cocks.”
“Of course.” I
handed Lindsey to the other bridesmaids, and they helped me out the door. “I’m
sure genital deformities are just as fun as getting a big cup of coffee and
sitting quietly!”
Our limo
returned the party to Mom’s house, but I’d borrowed Dad’s SUV to haul all seven
of us to the Washington’s cabin for Lindsey’s bridal-dance boot-camp. Not that
I didn’t trust a limo to off-road it along the cabin’s dirt path, but I wasn’t
getting stranded without four wheel drive anywhere Lindsey couldn’t access
Pinterest.
“ Road trip !”
Lindsey’s excitement was short-lived. She tripped trying to hop into the SUV,
and her
And I hoped I
could get the video off YouTube of Lindsey performing karaoke on the
restaurant’s hibachi. It was a good Beyoncé impression until they turned on the
grill.
My sister never
handled alcohol well. She took criticism of her drinking habits worse. My
newest mission was forcing her to drink water before her head exploded, and we
weren’t even in phase two of the bachelorette party.
Because
Lindsey’s party wasn’t just one night.
Oh no .
This was only
the beginning.
“If we want to
get to the cabin, we should head out now.” I guided the bottle of water to her
lips. She cheered, splashed, and spilled on me. At least she was excited about the
weekend excursion to Bryce’s family’s lake house. “It’s a long trip—”
“God, Mandy.
Can’t you just relax for once?” Lindsey belched, and that did nothing
for the nausea swirling in my stomach. “You’re all…go here, go there, eat your noodles,
go to the cabin, don’t steal the traffic cone, stop groping the policeman—”
“It’s your schedule,” I said. “You said to stick to the itinerary, no matter how many bars
we crawled.”
“But I wanna dance !”
Lindsey attempted
to take off her bra before removing her shirt. The shoulder strap snapped off,
and she collapsed in a fit of giggles. She headed for her panties instead.
Of course, in
classic Lindsey style, those were lost somewhere between the mani/pedis and
dinner.
Lindsey whipped
half of her bra out of her sleeve and over her head. The other half tangled around
the piercings she still had to hide from Mom.
“Someone start
the music!” She howled.
The music was
already blaring. I covered my eyes as my sister lifted her skirt and flashed
the bar.
Oh sweet Mary
and Joseph—
Now was not the time of the month for her to be expressing herself!
The tampon
string was just the fuse that would blow this party from drunken fun to jail
time.
I grabbed
Lindsey and dove over her skirt before the world saw everything she was giving
away for the wedding.
“Okay, we’re
leaving for the cabin now . We need our rest, right?” I shook Lindsey to
gain her attention. She toppled onto the bar. “The cabin’s gonna be just as
fun. We’ll get to work on the wedding dances.”
“ Dances !”
Lindsey slouched a bit. “Can’t wait to nae nae .”
I could. Oh,
Lord, what I wouldn’t do to avoid the rest of the weekend. But we only had six
weeks until the wedding, and Lindsey’s choreographed dance routines didn’t
learn themselves.
The only thing
that horrified me more than an unplanned pregnancy was shimmying onto the dance
floor with my fellow bridesmaids just to reveal that I was the only black woman
in the tristate area with no rhythm. At least it was only my closest friends
and the entirety of my family that would witness this disaster.
And Nate .
Of course Nate
would see me awkward, jerky, and combusting in shame. Then again…it wouldn’t be
much different from when I usually spoke to him, except this time I was
expected to shake my booty.
I couldn’t even
hand jive, and Lindsey sure as hell expected more than the twist. I was boned.
“Time to go!” I
helped Lindsey to her feet. “Know what’s better than dancing? Sobriety !”
“And curvy
cocks.”
“Of course.” I
handed Lindsey to the other bridesmaids, and they helped me out the door. “I’m
sure genital deformities are just as fun as getting a big cup of coffee and
sitting quietly!”
Our limo
returned the party to Mom’s house, but I’d borrowed Dad’s SUV to haul all seven
of us to the Washington’s cabin for Lindsey’s bridal-dance boot-camp. Not that
I didn’t trust a limo to off-road it along the cabin’s dirt path, but I wasn’t
getting stranded without four wheel drive anywhere Lindsey couldn’t access
Pinterest.
“ Road trip !”
Lindsey’s excitement was short-lived. She tripped trying to hop into the SUV,
and her
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