Bad Boy's Bridesmaid: A Secret Baby Romance by Sosie Frost Page A

package.
    Only Lindsey had
the ability to revert a sexy man with a greased six-pack back to the studious
kid I recognized as her class’s salutatorian.
    “Christopher Curvy
Cock! Slap his ass, Mandy! Make that dingle dangle!”
    I was in no
condition to dangle anyone. Lindsey ordered another drink. The bartender mercifully
watered it down.
    “Maybe you ought
to stay quiet and let the nice man dance?” I smiled at the stripper as he
protected the elastic on his g-string from the bridesmaids’ wandering hands.
    “I haven’t seen
that slanted shlong since prom.” Lindsey giggled to herself. “I got on my
knees, and that love stick bent into a boomerang! It looped into his belly
button!”
    As far as I
remembered, Lindsey went to prom with Bryce . It was the third drunken
revelation I vowed to forget after tonight. I hid my face as the stripper
greeted Lindsey with an awkward smile and asked her to use his stage name— Firechild . 
    Lindsey refused.
“That cock still bent? Let’s see! I wanna see!”
    Fortunately, the
bar hosting us didn’t permit complete nudity.
    Unfortunately, that
didn’t stop my sister.
    The music
cranked louder, compliments of the bridal party. Drowning in her tenth
margarita, Lindsey sloshed to her feet. She gave Christopher a lecherous grin
before pitching the glass across the bar and awkwardly leaping at the
professional erotic dancer.
    I reached for
her and missed. Lindsey dove headfirst into his tushy and…
    He shouted. The
girls cheered.
    Christopher
whirled around and covered his behind. “She bit me!”
    God, I hoped strippers
could earn worker’s comp. Was my sister up-to-date on her vaccinations? This
wasn’t happening.
    He stood,
shocked, as Lindsey fumbled at his waist. She gripped his thong and tugged,
ripping the material off. She fisted it over her head with a triumphant roar.
    The stripper was,
in fact, distinctly… curved . Awkwardly so. I tilted my head.
    How did he even
get it to—
    “There it is!”
Lindsey celebrated her victory by wearing the thong instead of her tiara and
nearly puking on the bar. “I found that wavy wang!”
    I peeled fifty
bucks from my wallet and shoved it in the stripper’s hand.
    “I’m so sorry
about my sister. Please know that this bridal party respects penises of all
shapes, sizes, colors, and religious expressions.”
    He shook his
head. I was so relieved he didn’t also wiggle below. “I—”
    “Save yourself,”
I said. “Run.”
    He didn’t bother
to grab his clothes. Christopher bolted bare-assed out of the party. The
bridesmaids snapped pictures they were sure to regret later.
    “Aw! Where’d
that shlock go ?” Lindsey slammed her drink on the bar. It spilled.
“Lighten up, Mandy! Maybe you need a little dick in you, sloosen you
up!”
    That was the last thing I needed. “Maybe we ought to get a little coffee in you?”
    “You’re not even
drinking!”
    “I’m driving us
tonight, remember?”
    Lindsey tried to
blow a raspberry at me. She forgot to swallow the margarita first. The drink
went everywhere, and I stopped her before she licked it off the bar.
    I had drunk-sat my
sister before, but she’d never gotten this bad. Lindsey giggled, whined, and
nearly wet herself like a toddler.
    Well, hell, if
this was what having a baby was like, I could handle it. Especially since
babies usually didn’t run up ridiculous bar tabs.
    “You’re. No.
Fun.” Lindsey pointed at me. “That’s what you are. No fun. No funny funny
fanny.” She waved me close. “Know what’s fun?”
    “I’m afraid to
ask.”
    “Fucking a curved
cock.” She laughed a little too loud. “Don’t tell Bryce!”
    “Oh, believe
me.” I ordered another ginger ale. “ No one is going to know what
happened tonight.”
    I certainly
wasn’t telling a soul about the nightmare that was Lindsey’s first of
three bachelorette parties.
    No one would
know how Lindsey insulted all of Taiwan during our mani/pedis.
    Nor would I tell
the story of the