ensuite bathroom.
I sit on the edge of the claw foot tub and take a couple of slow, deep breaths.
“Just look at it,” I whisper to myself.
One, two, three…
I look.
I start to shake so violently that the test tube drops to the floor and breaks into two pieces.
I thought… I don’t know, maybe it was just stress. End of my final school term, my father dying…
Nope.
Pregnant .
I don’t cry. I’m too scared to cry. This is all happening at the worst possible time.
My dad’s dead, Mum’s out of her mind with grief and shame over what he did. I’m about to graduate upper forms, the big ceremony is just three days from now.
I feel sick. I taste bile in the back of my mouth.
My heart pounds, adrenaline flooding in.
How am I going to tell Rex? is the biggest question in my mind.
And then, we were so careful… we always used condoms… right?
I laugh out loud. I don’t even have the most basic answers about this, or about anything that’s going on in my life.
I hear a faint sound outside the bathroom. Rex, coming back from his quest into the wine cellar to find us a bottle of something to drink.
Like that, my moment of solitude is over. I have to talk to him, right now. That’s all there is to it.
I don’t have to make any decisions, not right now.
“Kitty?” I hear him call.
“Just a sec!”
I grab the broken pieces of plastic and wrap them in a piece of toilet tissue, then panic and hide the bundle in the bathroom trash.
I wash my hands and walk out. Rex is sprawled on his huge bed, drinking red wine straight out of the bottle.
“Want some?” he says, holding it out to me.
“No, no,” I say.
I feel a rush of nausea, suddenly, just thinking of all the wine we’ve snuck over the last few weeks.
I’m already the worst Mum imaginable, and I only just found out .
“You feeling alright, Kitty?” Rex gives me a look.
“Just… you know, worried. About graduation,” I blurt out.
I look around Rex’s room, at his collection of expensive guitars, at the posters of rock bands on his wall. Lately he’s been telling people he’s going to give up his future place in the monarchy, become a serious musician instead.
The new Thom Yorke , I believe I heard him say to his cousin Bram.
I sit down on the bed, careful to stay a safe distance from Rex.
Too late for that, honey , a nasty little voice in the back of my head tells me. Wayyyyy too late.
I bite my lip, wondering how the heck I’m supposed to talk to him about something this… huge. This is going to change both our lives, forever.
Part of me wonders… I mean, maybe it will be fine. Rex and I will have to get married, yeah, but… that’d be okay. We love each other.
Part of me knows that I’m being beyond naive.
The Savilles are in disgrace. The pregnancy is out of wedlock. We’re teenagers, not old enough for something this monumental.
“Hey,” Rex says, setting the wine bottle aside. “What’s up, Kit?”
I purse my lips and look at him, unsure how to start.
“What, um… what are you thinking is going to happen next year?” I ask, looking down at the bed as I trace a figure eight on the down comforter with my fingertip.
“What do you mean?” Rex shrugs. “We go to uni, duh.”
“Yeah, but what else?” I ask.
Please, please tell me something that will make me feel better, I beg silently.
“Well, me and Bram talked about starting a band, you know. If we both go to Royal College,” Rex says, laying back on the bed. “And I drew this wicked design yesterday for a tattoo…”
As he tells me about the drawing, my heart sinks.
“I mean, what about us ?” I ask, cutting him off. “Like, you and me, together.”
“Oh, Kit…” he sighs. “I mean, I figure we just play it cool for a while. Even if we go to the same uni, we can’t like… tell people that we’re dating. My dad would have a fucking stroke, wouldn’t he?”
He chuckles. I look away so he can’t see the tears that are starting to
I sit on the edge of the claw foot tub and take a couple of slow, deep breaths.
“Just look at it,” I whisper to myself.
One, two, three…
I look.
I start to shake so violently that the test tube drops to the floor and breaks into two pieces.
I thought… I don’t know, maybe it was just stress. End of my final school term, my father dying…
Nope.
Pregnant .
I don’t cry. I’m too scared to cry. This is all happening at the worst possible time.
My dad’s dead, Mum’s out of her mind with grief and shame over what he did. I’m about to graduate upper forms, the big ceremony is just three days from now.
I feel sick. I taste bile in the back of my mouth.
My heart pounds, adrenaline flooding in.
How am I going to tell Rex? is the biggest question in my mind.
And then, we were so careful… we always used condoms… right?
I laugh out loud. I don’t even have the most basic answers about this, or about anything that’s going on in my life.
I hear a faint sound outside the bathroom. Rex, coming back from his quest into the wine cellar to find us a bottle of something to drink.
Like that, my moment of solitude is over. I have to talk to him, right now. That’s all there is to it.
I don’t have to make any decisions, not right now.
“Kitty?” I hear him call.
“Just a sec!”
I grab the broken pieces of plastic and wrap them in a piece of toilet tissue, then panic and hide the bundle in the bathroom trash.
I wash my hands and walk out. Rex is sprawled on his huge bed, drinking red wine straight out of the bottle.
“Want some?” he says, holding it out to me.
“No, no,” I say.
I feel a rush of nausea, suddenly, just thinking of all the wine we’ve snuck over the last few weeks.
I’m already the worst Mum imaginable, and I only just found out .
“You feeling alright, Kitty?” Rex gives me a look.
“Just… you know, worried. About graduation,” I blurt out.
I look around Rex’s room, at his collection of expensive guitars, at the posters of rock bands on his wall. Lately he’s been telling people he’s going to give up his future place in the monarchy, become a serious musician instead.
The new Thom Yorke , I believe I heard him say to his cousin Bram.
I sit down on the bed, careful to stay a safe distance from Rex.
Too late for that, honey , a nasty little voice in the back of my head tells me. Wayyyyy too late.
I bite my lip, wondering how the heck I’m supposed to talk to him about something this… huge. This is going to change both our lives, forever.
Part of me wonders… I mean, maybe it will be fine. Rex and I will have to get married, yeah, but… that’d be okay. We love each other.
Part of me knows that I’m being beyond naive.
The Savilles are in disgrace. The pregnancy is out of wedlock. We’re teenagers, not old enough for something this monumental.
“Hey,” Rex says, setting the wine bottle aside. “What’s up, Kit?”
I purse my lips and look at him, unsure how to start.
“What, um… what are you thinking is going to happen next year?” I ask, looking down at the bed as I trace a figure eight on the down comforter with my fingertip.
“What do you mean?” Rex shrugs. “We go to uni, duh.”
“Yeah, but what else?” I ask.
Please, please tell me something that will make me feel better, I beg silently.
“Well, me and Bram talked about starting a band, you know. If we both go to Royal College,” Rex says, laying back on the bed. “And I drew this wicked design yesterday for a tattoo…”
As he tells me about the drawing, my heart sinks.
“I mean, what about us ?” I ask, cutting him off. “Like, you and me, together.”
“Oh, Kit…” he sighs. “I mean, I figure we just play it cool for a while. Even if we go to the same uni, we can’t like… tell people that we’re dating. My dad would have a fucking stroke, wouldn’t he?”
He chuckles. I look away so he can’t see the tears that are starting to
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