Back to Yesterday by Pamela Sparkman Page B

looked at me, his eyes holding wistful memories, and a smile formed. Then his eyes traveled across the field. “Do you know the legend of the monarch butterfly?”
    “No.”
    He moved in closer, took my hand, and walked me to the center of the field. “Legend has it that monarch butterflies are messengers who travel great distances. If one appears and it touches you it’s supposed to be a sign from a loved one that they are okay. Messengers of peace,” he said, angling his head towards the sky, watching a single engine plane flying overhead. I couldn’t help noticing the wistful look on Charlie’s face.
    “Your mom told you that?”
    “Yes.”
    “Have you ever been touched by one?”
    Charlie’s eyes followed the plane until it disappeared beyond the tree line. He squeezed my hand. “You’re my peace.”
    Giving him a side-eye glance, I said, “Are you saying I’m your butterfly?”
    “Sent from Heaven.” He moved in closer, close enough that his breath tickled my cheek. “Thank you for coming with me today.”
    I didn’t speak. I simply leaned into his touch.
    He pulled me down until we were both sitting on the soft ground. I nestled into him.
    “Meeting you, Sophie, was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
    I listened to the sincere cadence in his voice and the pitter-patter of his heart while my heart played the familiar melody I knew so well. His mouth found mine, once, twice, and then retreated. With a tilt of his head, he leaned in once more and hovered, purposely timing the moment his lips would seal over mine. The demons that haunted me, the ones that told me I was unlovable, lingered on the edges of my periphery. I could barely make them out, but they were there, waiting to swoop in and steal this moment away from me.
    Sensing my unease, Charlie whispered, “I never even knew to hope for someone like you, Sophie.” His hands found my hair while his lips found my ear. “You,” he breathed, “were completely unexpected.”
    The dark shadows of my childhood tiptoed away and Charlie’s words took their place.
    “I never loved surprises until I met you.” His lips reclaimed mine and the melody inside my chest sounded more like crashing cymbals.
    And then I remembered where we were and why we were there and I felt overpowered by fear, caged by anxiety. Tank died. He left us. Although I hardly knew him, I missed him, and I was angry at him for leaving us.
    My lungs felt burdened and my eyes burned. I had no right to be mad, and yet I was, so I resorted to the method I knew so well. Lock the anger up and throw away the key.
    Perhaps Charlie could feel me slipping back into myself because he pulled back and stared down at me. “Do we need to leave? Is this too much?”
    Steadying my breathing, I decided I just needed a minute to get a handle on my hyper-sensitive thoughts.
    I can do this.
    One inhale and exhale at a time. Breathe in, breathe out.
    I can do this.
    On each exhale little pieces of fear and anger fell away until breathing was less of a struggle.
    “Better?” Charlie asked.
    I nodded and blew out a final bit of anxiety.
    “Are you sure?”
    “I’m sure.” I offered a smile, but it was weighed down by my embarrassment.
    “Hey,” he said, cupping my cheeks. “It’s okay.”
    I buried my face in his chest. It was my favorite place to be in the whole world.
    “I’m never letting go of you,” he said, stroking my hair. “Understand? I’m never letting you go. So don’t let go of me. Okay? You and I, we’re in this together.”
    I closed my eyes and let his words soothe and heal my tortured heart. “I won’t let go,” I whispered. “I won’t let go.”
    He eased me down until I was lying on my back. His hands traced the lines of my body, dipping into my curves. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, his hands continuing their sketch, drawing me like an artist.
    I kissed him the way he kissed me and met each touch, each caress, with the same patience, the same