detect a certain tension in her posture that told him she wasn't ready to fall asleep just yet.
"Is that why you looked so sad last night when you realized it's almost Halloween?"
"Yeah, " he said gruffly. "Right before he died, my little boy Keefer got his first pumpkin. Susan helped him carve it. This time of year—it's tough. "
He batted at the open lid of the disposable diaper box that sat on the rug next to Jaimie's bed. When he real-BABY LOVE 83
ized what he was doing, he pressed the flaps closed.
"Were you the one driving?" she asked.
"No. God, how I wish I had been. " He raked his hand over the nap of the rug, watching the limp tufts of yarn stand and then fall. "In my other life, I was a rancher in eastern Oregon. " He forced a stiff smile.
"Shaved and showered every day. Went to council meetings, five-star restaurants, and church on Sunday.
Looking at me now, I guess it's probably hard for you to believe I was respectable once. "
A ghost of a smile touched her mouth. As it faded, she rubbed her temple as if her head were aching. "Not all that hard. Was it a cattle ranch you owned?"
He nodded. "We raised and trained quarter horses on the side, but cattle were our main stock in trade.
That fall, my brother and I had arranged to buy another stud and a brood mare, and we were scheduled to make a trip up north to pick them up. We'd been gone a lot that spring and summer, riding the rodeo circuit, and I hadn't been able to spend much time with Susan and the kids, so I decided to take them with us. "
"Susan... " she echoed softly. "When you say her name—well, I can tell you really loved her a lot. "
"She was an extraordinary person. Smart, witty, fun to be with, and so beautiful she took my breath away.
" Rafe shrugged. "I've never seen a better mother, and, oh, God, I loved it when she laughed. She was an incurable optimist, and she always put other people first. She understood me—sometimes better than I understood myself. When she died, I felt as if my heart had been cut out. We fell in love in high school.
She was so much a part of me, I didn't know how to go on without her. "
Rafe fell silent, letting his mind drift back to that fateful autumn night.
"We had a great time that weekend. Perfect weather, perfect everything. But as we headed home, we ran into a bad storm. Freezing rain that turned to hail the size of marbles. "
84 CATHERINE ANDERSON
"Eastern Oregon must be a bit like northern Idaho, unpredictable when it comes to the weather. "
"You've got that right. We weren't expecting any hail, that's for sure, or we would have laid over until morning. I was in the station wagon with Susan and the kids. My brother and a hired hand were in the truck ahead of us, pulling the horse trailer. The sound of the hail hitting the roof of the trailer frightened the stallion, and I could see him rearing up. I was afraid he might bust a leg. "
She shifted lower in the bed to rest her cheek on the double stack of pillows. Watching her, Rafe couldn't help but note her pallor.
"You're exhausted. I should let you go back to
sleep. "
"No, please. I want to hear this. " She rubbed her eyes again. "I doubt I could go back to sleep right now, anyway. Listening to you talk is helping me to relax. "
Rafe couldn't remember what he'd been about to say. "Where was I?"
"The stallion was rearing, and you were worried about it getting hurt. Was it a really expensive horse?"
"Yeah, but that wasn't my main concern. Plain and simple, I loved horses. They were a passion of mine back then, always had been. I couldn't bear the thought of the stallion breaking a leg and possibly having to be put down. So I got on the radio and suggested to my brother Ryan that we ride in the trailer to keep the animals calm. Susan was an excellent driver, and she'd been raised in eastern Oregon, so she was used to snow and ice. It never occurred to me that she—" He broke off and swallowed. "About two miles up the road, she lost control
"Is that why you looked so sad last night when you realized it's almost Halloween?"
"Yeah, " he said gruffly. "Right before he died, my little boy Keefer got his first pumpkin. Susan helped him carve it. This time of year—it's tough. "
He batted at the open lid of the disposable diaper box that sat on the rug next to Jaimie's bed. When he real-BABY LOVE 83
ized what he was doing, he pressed the flaps closed.
"Were you the one driving?" she asked.
"No. God, how I wish I had been. " He raked his hand over the nap of the rug, watching the limp tufts of yarn stand and then fall. "In my other life, I was a rancher in eastern Oregon. " He forced a stiff smile.
"Shaved and showered every day. Went to council meetings, five-star restaurants, and church on Sunday.
Looking at me now, I guess it's probably hard for you to believe I was respectable once. "
A ghost of a smile touched her mouth. As it faded, she rubbed her temple as if her head were aching. "Not all that hard. Was it a cattle ranch you owned?"
He nodded. "We raised and trained quarter horses on the side, but cattle were our main stock in trade.
That fall, my brother and I had arranged to buy another stud and a brood mare, and we were scheduled to make a trip up north to pick them up. We'd been gone a lot that spring and summer, riding the rodeo circuit, and I hadn't been able to spend much time with Susan and the kids, so I decided to take them with us. "
"Susan... " she echoed softly. "When you say her name—well, I can tell you really loved her a lot. "
"She was an extraordinary person. Smart, witty, fun to be with, and so beautiful she took my breath away.
" Rafe shrugged. "I've never seen a better mother, and, oh, God, I loved it when she laughed. She was an incurable optimist, and she always put other people first. She understood me—sometimes better than I understood myself. When she died, I felt as if my heart had been cut out. We fell in love in high school.
She was so much a part of me, I didn't know how to go on without her. "
Rafe fell silent, letting his mind drift back to that fateful autumn night.
"We had a great time that weekend. Perfect weather, perfect everything. But as we headed home, we ran into a bad storm. Freezing rain that turned to hail the size of marbles. "
84 CATHERINE ANDERSON
"Eastern Oregon must be a bit like northern Idaho, unpredictable when it comes to the weather. "
"You've got that right. We weren't expecting any hail, that's for sure, or we would have laid over until morning. I was in the station wagon with Susan and the kids. My brother and a hired hand were in the truck ahead of us, pulling the horse trailer. The sound of the hail hitting the roof of the trailer frightened the stallion, and I could see him rearing up. I was afraid he might bust a leg. "
She shifted lower in the bed to rest her cheek on the double stack of pillows. Watching her, Rafe couldn't help but note her pallor.
"You're exhausted. I should let you go back to
sleep. "
"No, please. I want to hear this. " She rubbed her eyes again. "I doubt I could go back to sleep right now, anyway. Listening to you talk is helping me to relax. "
Rafe couldn't remember what he'd been about to say. "Where was I?"
"The stallion was rearing, and you were worried about it getting hurt. Was it a really expensive horse?"
"Yeah, but that wasn't my main concern. Plain and simple, I loved horses. They were a passion of mine back then, always had been. I couldn't bear the thought of the stallion breaking a leg and possibly having to be put down. So I got on the radio and suggested to my brother Ryan that we ride in the trailer to keep the animals calm. Susan was an excellent driver, and she'd been raised in eastern Oregon, so she was used to snow and ice. It never occurred to me that she—" He broke off and swallowed. "About two miles up the road, she lost control
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