Avenged (Hostage Rescue Team Series) (Volume 5) by Kaylea Cross Page B

during the nine months they’d been “married”, at least as far as tribal custom was concerned.
    “I found out later that he planned several times to get me out before that, but his attempts always fell through for various reasons. The government wanted him to stay until he had what they needed against Qureshi and his network. It wasn’t until Hassan’s cover was blown that he was forced to risk everything and run that night in an attempt to reach friendly lines before Qureshi’s men caught up with him. He could have left me behind, but he didn’t, even though he knew I’d slow him down. He ended up giving his life to save mine, and I’ll always be grateful to him for that.”
    Nathan looked haunted now. “Jesus Christ, Taya.” His voice was hoarse, full of anguish.
    She knew how it sounded. Her first therapist had told her she suffered from classic Stockholm Syndrome, but in Taya’s opinion, that was a copout, bullshit description. Her relationship to and feelings toward Hassan were so incredibly complex, no label any psychologist could come up with would ever fit the real description.
    She swallowed, wishing she knew what to do to comfort Nathan, erase that terrible look in his eyes. “Like I said before, compared to the other women, until then I had it easy.”
    He shook his head, apparently at a loss for words.
    Taya continued, needing to at least try to explain her reasoning to him. “It’s complicated, and I won’t pretend that part of me still feels betrayed by what he did. But once I got home, after a while it dawned on me that I had a choice to make if I wanted to move on with my life. Just because our pasts are part of us, it doesn’t mean they have to define us. I refused to give my past that kind of power over me. So I chose to let it go.”
    When he didn’t respond, just kept staring at her, she stayed silent to let her words sink in. She’d seen the way he reacted back at the hotel when she’d said O’Neil’s name, and even without a psych or medical degree it was obvious to her that he hadn’t come to terms with what had happened that day. If she could spare him any more pain by offering the solution that had helped her overcome her past, she’d gladly give it. Only she wasn’t certain he was ready to accept it yet.
    After a moment a slight frown marred his brow but then he nodded, and his silent acceptance gave her the courage to continue.
    “I mean, it wasn’t easy, not by any means, but in the end I realized I couldn’t change the past and only had control over me and what happened going forward. I made the decision to make peace with everything and move on,” she said softly.
    He was silent a long moment, studying her in the expanding silence. “How could you let that go?” he asked, his tone and expression incredulous. “How could you let that go after what he did to you? What they did to you?”
    “Forgiveness,” she answered. She knew it sounded overly simplistic and probably cheesy, but that’s exactly what had helped her break from the past. “Hassan saw himself as a patriot, first and foremost. He did what he had to in order to accomplish his mission, and did what he could to protect me at the same time. It’s why he married me, so I was off limits to the others.” She was thankful for that too, in hindsight. The alternative was beyond bearing.
    “He risked everything to get me out of that hellish situation, and wound up paying for my freedom with his life.” Taya paused to pull in a slow breath. “I’ve forgiven him for the rest of it. I had to, to be able to go on. But I didn’t forgive him for his sake. I forgave him for mine.” She needed Nathan to understand the difference. “Forgiveness was what earned me my true freedom.”
    He was quiet a moment. “Well then, you’re a better person than me,” he said in a low voice, his eyes burning with emotion. Confusion maybe. And pain. So much pain buried beneath the calm, easy façade he wore, even if he