Al. Could it have
been a nickname of some sort?'
'I don't think so.'
'Not short for Alka-Seltzer, or something like that? Well,
no good worrying about it now. It'll come. It'll come.'
I couldn't imagine what had given him this idea that my
name began with Al, but it was a small point and I didn't linger
on it. No sooner had he beetled off than I was calling Jeeves in
for a conference.
When he came, he was full of apologies. He seemed to
think he had let the young master down.
'I fear you will have thought me remiss, sir, but I found it
impossible to stifle the animal's cries completely. I trust they
were not overheard by your visitor.'
'They were, and the visitor was none other than Major
Plank, from whom you saved me so adroitly at Totleigh-in-the-
Wold. He is closely allied to Pop Cook, and I don't mind
telling you that when he blew in I was as badly rattled as
Macbeth, if you know what I mean, that time he was sitting
down to dinner and the ghost turned up.'
'I know the scene well, sir. "Never shake thy gory locks at
me," he said.'
'And I don't blame him. Plank heard those yowls.'
'I am extremely sorry, sir.'
'Not your fault. Cats will be cats. I was taken aback at the
moment, like Macbeth, but I kept my head. I told him you
were a cat-imitator brushing up your cat-imitating.'
'A very ingenious ruse, sir.'
'Yes, I didn't think it was too bad.'
'Did it satisfy the gentleman?'
'It seemed to. But what of Pop Cook?'
'Sir?'
'What's worrying me is the possibility of Cook being less
inclined to swallow the story and coming here to search the
premises. And when I say the possibility, I mean the certainty.
Figure it out for yourself. He finds me up at Eggesford Court
apparently swiping the cat. He learns that I am lunching at
Eggesford Hall. "Ha!" he says to himself, "one of the Briscoe
gang, is he? And I caught him with the cat actually on his
person." Do you suppose that when Plank gets back and tells
him he heard someone imitating cats chez me, he is going to
believe that what Plank heard was a human voice? I doubt it,
Jeeves. He will be at my door in ten seconds flat, probably
accompanied by the entire local police force.'
My remorseless reasoning had its effect. A slight
wiggling of the nose showed that. Nothing could ever make
Jeeves say 'Gorblimey!', but I could see that was the word
that would have sprung to his lips if he hadn't stopped it halfway.
His comment on my obiter dicta was brief and to the
point.
'We must act, sir!'
'And without stopping to pick daisies by the wayside. Are
you still resolved not to return this cat to status quo ?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Sam Weller would have done it like a shot to oblige Mr
Pickwick.'
'It is not my place to return cats, sir. But if I might make a
suggestion.'
'Speak on, Jeeves.'
'Why should we not place the matter in the hands of the
man Graham?'
'Of course! I never thought of that.'
'He is a poacher of established reputation, and a competent
poacher is what we need.'
'I see what you mean. His experience enables him to move
around without letting a twig snap beneath his feet, which is
the first essential when you are returning cats.'
'Precisely, sir. With your permission I will go to the Goose
and Grasshopper and tell him that you wish to see him.'
'Do so, Jeeves,' I said, and only a few minutes later I found
myself closeted with Herbert (Billy) Graham.
The first thing that impressed itself on me as I gave him the
once-over was his air of respectability. I had always supposed
that poachers were tough-looking eggs who wore whatever
they could borrow from the nearest scarecrow and shaved only
once a week. He, to the contrary, was neatly clad in formfitting
tweeds and was shaven to the bone. His eyes were frank
and blue, his hair a becoming grey. I have seen more raffish
Cabinet ministers. He looked like someone who might have
sung in the sainted Briscoe's church choir, as I was informed
later he did, being the possessor of a musical tenor voice which
came in
been a nickname of some sort?'
'I don't think so.'
'Not short for Alka-Seltzer, or something like that? Well,
no good worrying about it now. It'll come. It'll come.'
I couldn't imagine what had given him this idea that my
name began with Al, but it was a small point and I didn't linger
on it. No sooner had he beetled off than I was calling Jeeves in
for a conference.
When he came, he was full of apologies. He seemed to
think he had let the young master down.
'I fear you will have thought me remiss, sir, but I found it
impossible to stifle the animal's cries completely. I trust they
were not overheard by your visitor.'
'They were, and the visitor was none other than Major
Plank, from whom you saved me so adroitly at Totleigh-in-the-
Wold. He is closely allied to Pop Cook, and I don't mind
telling you that when he blew in I was as badly rattled as
Macbeth, if you know what I mean, that time he was sitting
down to dinner and the ghost turned up.'
'I know the scene well, sir. "Never shake thy gory locks at
me," he said.'
'And I don't blame him. Plank heard those yowls.'
'I am extremely sorry, sir.'
'Not your fault. Cats will be cats. I was taken aback at the
moment, like Macbeth, but I kept my head. I told him you
were a cat-imitator brushing up your cat-imitating.'
'A very ingenious ruse, sir.'
'Yes, I didn't think it was too bad.'
'Did it satisfy the gentleman?'
'It seemed to. But what of Pop Cook?'
'Sir?'
'What's worrying me is the possibility of Cook being less
inclined to swallow the story and coming here to search the
premises. And when I say the possibility, I mean the certainty.
Figure it out for yourself. He finds me up at Eggesford Court
apparently swiping the cat. He learns that I am lunching at
Eggesford Hall. "Ha!" he says to himself, "one of the Briscoe
gang, is he? And I caught him with the cat actually on his
person." Do you suppose that when Plank gets back and tells
him he heard someone imitating cats chez me, he is going to
believe that what Plank heard was a human voice? I doubt it,
Jeeves. He will be at my door in ten seconds flat, probably
accompanied by the entire local police force.'
My remorseless reasoning had its effect. A slight
wiggling of the nose showed that. Nothing could ever make
Jeeves say 'Gorblimey!', but I could see that was the word
that would have sprung to his lips if he hadn't stopped it halfway.
His comment on my obiter dicta was brief and to the
point.
'We must act, sir!'
'And without stopping to pick daisies by the wayside. Are
you still resolved not to return this cat to status quo ?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Sam Weller would have done it like a shot to oblige Mr
Pickwick.'
'It is not my place to return cats, sir. But if I might make a
suggestion.'
'Speak on, Jeeves.'
'Why should we not place the matter in the hands of the
man Graham?'
'Of course! I never thought of that.'
'He is a poacher of established reputation, and a competent
poacher is what we need.'
'I see what you mean. His experience enables him to move
around without letting a twig snap beneath his feet, which is
the first essential when you are returning cats.'
'Precisely, sir. With your permission I will go to the Goose
and Grasshopper and tell him that you wish to see him.'
'Do so, Jeeves,' I said, and only a few minutes later I found
myself closeted with Herbert (Billy) Graham.
The first thing that impressed itself on me as I gave him the
once-over was his air of respectability. I had always supposed
that poachers were tough-looking eggs who wore whatever
they could borrow from the nearest scarecrow and shaved only
once a week. He, to the contrary, was neatly clad in formfitting
tweeds and was shaven to the bone. His eyes were frank
and blue, his hair a becoming grey. I have seen more raffish
Cabinet ministers. He looked like someone who might have
sung in the sainted Briscoe's church choir, as I was informed
later he did, being the possessor of a musical tenor voice which
came in
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