the magazine and flipped the page angrily.
Sighing, I sat on the bed next to her. ‘I’m getting those,’
I said sulkily as I pointed to a pair of Iron Fist heels. ‘I ordered them
yesterday.’
She smiled, but didn’t look up at me. ‘They are hot! They’ll
suit you.’
‘Hmm,’ I mumbled, as I twisted a ring on my finger.
Libby closed the magazine and gave me her full attention.
‘Okay, Carls, what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Don’t lie. You’re not very good at it.’
‘I’m not lying.’
‘You are the queen of equivocation.’
‘Don’t use your namby-pamby teacher vocab on me.’
‘Look,’ Lib said with an aggravated sigh, ‘you can either
tell me what’s wrong and get it off your chest in the hope I can help, or you
can continue to sulk and wallow in your own pathetic self-pity. It’s your
call.’
Dramatically flopping onto the bed, I was ambushed by Sasha
as she seized the opportunity to lick my ear. ‘Sasha! Stop it.’ I pushed her
back to a safe distance and scratched her belly in order to keep her wayward
tongue at bay.
‘So now you’re going to use evasion tactics are you, and not
answer my question?’ Libby asked.
‘I’m not deliberately trying to evade your question. I don’t
know what’s wrong.’
‘You’re sceptical about Derek. Why? He seemed nice enough.’
‘I never said I was sceptical.’
‘Queen of equivocation, enough said,’ Libby stated smugly as
she rested her head in her hands.
A frustrated groan escaped my mouth. ‘I like him, all
right.’
‘Aaand ... you didn’t like any of the copious other men you
have dated?’
Sitting up again, I shot her a distasteful glare. ‘You make
me sound like a whore. I’m not a whore, Lib. I’m just not fond of tying myself
down to someone.’
‘So what’s different? Who said you have to tie yourself down
to the firefighter?’
‘No one. I don’t.’
‘So what’s the problem then?’
‘He’s different.’
‘How?’ Lib was firing questions at me left, right and
centre, backing me into that proverbial corner that no one wanted to be in.
‘He gives me heart palpitations, all right? I lose my sense
of control when I’m around him. I don’t like it.’
She rolled onto her side and smiled emphatically. ‘Carly has
a big girl crush.’
‘So.’
‘So, it’s good. First there’s a crush, then comes love,’ she
said before laughing and continuing, ‘then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in
a baby carriage,’ Libby sang, replicating the young girls in the yard at
school.
‘Ha ha, you’re so funny,’ I spat sarcastically, huffing as I
stood up. ‘You suck. Now get out, so I can finish getting ready.
She laughed and hummed the stupid taunting tune as she
exited my room.
***
I spent the next hour conducting my own inner personal call
to arms. The mission: reiterate that I was thirty-five, mature and not in the
least bit like a school girl with a crush. Yes, I was unequivocally attracted
to Derek. And yes, he kind of made me weak at the knees, but that was it. I was
now of the mindset that he was just simply fucking sexy on an epic scale. And
it was that total sex appeal that wreaked havoc upon my usual demonstrative
self. I was going to have fun with him like I had with all the other guys I
dated. He. Was. No. Different.
Pinning the final tendril of loose hair to the top of my
head, I assessed myself in the mirror as I mentally repeated that mission to
myself, hoping the repetition would actually have me believing it. My white
Wayne Cooper tail blouse sat effortlessly over my black leather skirt. And my
eyes, as per usual, were a seductive smoky grey. As I pulled on my black patent
five-inch heels, there was a knock at the door.
‘I’ll get it!’ I shouted to Lib who probably had no plans of
lifting her arse from the couch anyway.
I quickly shuffled along the hallway and past the lounge
when Lib let out a long whistle. Halting in my tracks, I back-stepped until I
was
C. J. Cherryh
Learning to Kill: Stories
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