ringing, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Finally I saw it under the bed, and when I emerged, I noticed Ryan sitting on the bed.
“Hell on a fish cake,” I muttered, acknowledging his presence.
“Found it?” he asked conversationally.
“Yep, and now I’m off.”
He stood up and blocked my path. “Don’t go.” He looked drawn, pale. Good, I thought. I hope this hurts just a tenth of how much I’m bleeding. “We should talk about this.”
“Talk?” I spluttered. “You are joking. What else do you need to talk to me about? Were Summer and Andie involved in the scheme? Was Christopher Nolan supposed to direct you for another scene? What, what the hell else is there for you to say? What?”
“Court, I promise you, if I wanted Melissa I wouldn’t be here. I’d be back at the club trying to reassure her that her cunt is not at all like the M25.”
My mouth twitched involuntarily, as did Ryan’s. Then I got angry with myself. My own stupidity had put me here. I was the one who had been laughed at. “So go comfort her. I don’t want you to be here at all. The only reason you are is because it’s ruined the nice guy act you’ve put on with everyone.”
“That’s not true. I feel shitty about dragging you into the middle of the whole me-Chris-Melissa thing, but I can’t say sorry for it because I met you.”
“Stop smarming,” I ordered. “Why use me to get back at Chris? Why not hurt Melissa? She was the one who cheated on you. Chris didn’t know you; he didn’t have a shred of loyalty for you.”
“But you had loyalty for him,” he admitted slowly. “Melissa couldn’t see the wood for the trees with him, and the only way…fuck, this sounds so goddamn petty now, but…the only way I could make her see what he was, was to let her know about you. I told you this before, but he has always liked you. But you’re a good girl. You’re the daughter of his parents’ best friends. If he fucked around with you, he’d probably be disowned. But you had this view of him, like he couldn’t do anything wrong. So if I changed your mind, if I showed Melissa just how much he did think of you…”
“Abracadabra,” I mocked.
“That’s how it started. Look, I may have wound him up into coming back here.”
“Why?”
“When he sent those fucking emails, I sent one back saying that now he knows how this feels. To have someone take the person you care about away from you.”
“Mission accomplished. If you’ve finished, I need to call the taxi company.”
“No…you still…”
“Don’t!” I warned as his hand came toward me.
“The first few emails were my cards. And I played them. Then I wanted to know why a girl who was obviously smarter than me and a hell of a lot prettier than she gave herself credit for was waiting around for such a dickhead. Then it was why you weren’t in a relationship. Then if you could like me for me. Not because of my parents, or money, or where I live… I loved that you talked to me like I had been your friend for years, you asked me for advice, for dirty jokes, for company. I wanted to tell you about Melissa, but then… It didn’t seem that important. Because there was a point where it wasn’t about getting back at either of them, but being with you.”
“Sounds like bullshit. I’d swallow, but good girls don’t do that,” I sneered.
“I haven’t lied to you!” he insisted. “I just…just didn’t tell you something.”
“Something sort of vital, you bastard!” I reminded him on a rising scream.
“If you knew how much I love you, it wouldn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters! And you don’t love me. You do not do this to people you love.”
Ryan took a breath and sighed. “I know. I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. And if I could it means I wouldn’t have met you. And I can’t wish that.”
“I do,” I stuttered over my tears. “Because I’ve given you something I can’t get back. You can take
“Hell on a fish cake,” I muttered, acknowledging his presence.
“Found it?” he asked conversationally.
“Yep, and now I’m off.”
He stood up and blocked my path. “Don’t go.” He looked drawn, pale. Good, I thought. I hope this hurts just a tenth of how much I’m bleeding. “We should talk about this.”
“Talk?” I spluttered. “You are joking. What else do you need to talk to me about? Were Summer and Andie involved in the scheme? Was Christopher Nolan supposed to direct you for another scene? What, what the hell else is there for you to say? What?”
“Court, I promise you, if I wanted Melissa I wouldn’t be here. I’d be back at the club trying to reassure her that her cunt is not at all like the M25.”
My mouth twitched involuntarily, as did Ryan’s. Then I got angry with myself. My own stupidity had put me here. I was the one who had been laughed at. “So go comfort her. I don’t want you to be here at all. The only reason you are is because it’s ruined the nice guy act you’ve put on with everyone.”
“That’s not true. I feel shitty about dragging you into the middle of the whole me-Chris-Melissa thing, but I can’t say sorry for it because I met you.”
“Stop smarming,” I ordered. “Why use me to get back at Chris? Why not hurt Melissa? She was the one who cheated on you. Chris didn’t know you; he didn’t have a shred of loyalty for you.”
“But you had loyalty for him,” he admitted slowly. “Melissa couldn’t see the wood for the trees with him, and the only way…fuck, this sounds so goddamn petty now, but…the only way I could make her see what he was, was to let her know about you. I told you this before, but he has always liked you. But you’re a good girl. You’re the daughter of his parents’ best friends. If he fucked around with you, he’d probably be disowned. But you had this view of him, like he couldn’t do anything wrong. So if I changed your mind, if I showed Melissa just how much he did think of you…”
“Abracadabra,” I mocked.
“That’s how it started. Look, I may have wound him up into coming back here.”
“Why?”
“When he sent those fucking emails, I sent one back saying that now he knows how this feels. To have someone take the person you care about away from you.”
“Mission accomplished. If you’ve finished, I need to call the taxi company.”
“No…you still…”
“Don’t!” I warned as his hand came toward me.
“The first few emails were my cards. And I played them. Then I wanted to know why a girl who was obviously smarter than me and a hell of a lot prettier than she gave herself credit for was waiting around for such a dickhead. Then it was why you weren’t in a relationship. Then if you could like me for me. Not because of my parents, or money, or where I live… I loved that you talked to me like I had been your friend for years, you asked me for advice, for dirty jokes, for company. I wanted to tell you about Melissa, but then… It didn’t seem that important. Because there was a point where it wasn’t about getting back at either of them, but being with you.”
“Sounds like bullshit. I’d swallow, but good girls don’t do that,” I sneered.
“I haven’t lied to you!” he insisted. “I just…just didn’t tell you something.”
“Something sort of vital, you bastard!” I reminded him on a rising scream.
“If you knew how much I love you, it wouldn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters! And you don’t love me. You do not do this to people you love.”
Ryan took a breath and sighed. “I know. I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. And if I could it means I wouldn’t have met you. And I can’t wish that.”
“I do,” I stuttered over my tears. “Because I’ve given you something I can’t get back. You can take
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