to protect. It seemed like they were yours. Her silence
held like a wall against my words. She probably thought I was ten
kinds of an idiot, babbling about dreams. And why, oh why, of all
the people in the world who could have seen me so unmanned, why did
it have to be Molly? The silence had grown long. But you were here,
at Buckkeep and safe. I tried to steady my quavering voice. I'm
glad you're safe. But what are you doing at Buckkeep?
What am I doing here? Her voice was as tight as
mine. Anger made it cold, but I thought it was hedged with fear,
too. I came looking for a friend. She paused and seemed to strangle
for a bit. When she spoke again, her voice was artificially calm,
almost kind. You see, my father died and left me a debtor. So my
creditors took my shop from me. I went to stay with relatives, to
help with the harvest, to earn money to start again. In Siltbay.
Though how you came to know of it, I cannot even guess. I earned a
bit and my cousin was willing to loan me the rest. The harvest had
been good. I was to come back to Buckkeep the next day. But Siltbay
was raided. I was there, with my nieces .... Briefly, her voice
trailed away. I remembered with her. The ships, the fire, the
laughing woman with the sword. I looked up at her and could almost
focus on her. I could not speak. But she was looking off, over my
head. She spoke on calmly.
My cousins lost everything they owned. They
counted themselves lucky, for their children survived. I couldn't
ask them to loan me money still. Truth was, they couldn't even have
paid me for the work I had done, if I had thought to ask. So I came
back to Buckkeep, with winter closing in, and no place to stay. And
I thought, I've always been friends with Newboy. If there's anyone
I could ask to loan me money to tide me over, it would be him. So I
came up to the Keep, and asked for the scriber's boy. But everyone
shrugged and sent me to Fedwren. And Fedwren listened as I
described you, and frowned, and sent me to Patience. Molly paused
significantly. I tried to imagine that meeting, but shuddered away
from it. She took me on as a lady's maid, Molly said softly. She
said it was the least she could do, after you had shamed
me.
Shamed you? I jerked upright. The world rocked
around me and my blurry vision dissolved into sparks. How? How
shamed you?
Molly's voice was quiet. She said you had
obviously won my affections, and then left me. Under my false
assumption that you would someday be able to marry me, I'd let you
court me.
I didn't ... I faltered, and then: We were
friends. I didn't know you felt any more than that ....
You didn't? She lifted her chin; I knew that
gesture. Six years ago she would have followed it with a punch to
my stomach. I still flinched. But she just spoke more quietly when
she said, I suppose I should have expected you to say that. It's an
easy thing to say.
It was my turn to be nettled. You're the one who
left me, with not even a word of farewell. And with that sailor,
Jade. Do you think I don't know about him? I was there, Molly. I
saw you take his arm and walk away with him. Why didn't you come to
me, then, before leaving with him?
She drew herself up. I had been a woman with
prospects. Then I became, all unwittingly, a debtor. Do you imagine
that I knew of the debts my father had incurred, and then ignored?
Not till after he was buried did the creditors come knocking. I
lost everything. Should I have come to you as a beggar, hoping
you'd take me in? I'd thought that you'd cared about me. I believed
that you wanted ... El damn you, why do I have to admit this to
you! Her words rattled against me like flung stones. I knew her
eyes were blazing, her cheeks flushed. I thought you did want to
marry me, that you did want a future with me. I wanted to bring
something to it, not come to you penniless and prospectless. I'd
imagined us with a little shop, me with my candles and herbs and
honey, and you with your scriber's skills .... And so I went to my
cousin,
held like a wall against my words. She probably thought I was ten
kinds of an idiot, babbling about dreams. And why, oh why, of all
the people in the world who could have seen me so unmanned, why did
it have to be Molly? The silence had grown long. But you were here,
at Buckkeep and safe. I tried to steady my quavering voice. I'm
glad you're safe. But what are you doing at Buckkeep?
What am I doing here? Her voice was as tight as
mine. Anger made it cold, but I thought it was hedged with fear,
too. I came looking for a friend. She paused and seemed to strangle
for a bit. When she spoke again, her voice was artificially calm,
almost kind. You see, my father died and left me a debtor. So my
creditors took my shop from me. I went to stay with relatives, to
help with the harvest, to earn money to start again. In Siltbay.
Though how you came to know of it, I cannot even guess. I earned a
bit and my cousin was willing to loan me the rest. The harvest had
been good. I was to come back to Buckkeep the next day. But Siltbay
was raided. I was there, with my nieces .... Briefly, her voice
trailed away. I remembered with her. The ships, the fire, the
laughing woman with the sword. I looked up at her and could almost
focus on her. I could not speak. But she was looking off, over my
head. She spoke on calmly.
My cousins lost everything they owned. They
counted themselves lucky, for their children survived. I couldn't
ask them to loan me money still. Truth was, they couldn't even have
paid me for the work I had done, if I had thought to ask. So I came
back to Buckkeep, with winter closing in, and no place to stay. And
I thought, I've always been friends with Newboy. If there's anyone
I could ask to loan me money to tide me over, it would be him. So I
came up to the Keep, and asked for the scriber's boy. But everyone
shrugged and sent me to Fedwren. And Fedwren listened as I
described you, and frowned, and sent me to Patience. Molly paused
significantly. I tried to imagine that meeting, but shuddered away
from it. She took me on as a lady's maid, Molly said softly. She
said it was the least she could do, after you had shamed
me.
Shamed you? I jerked upright. The world rocked
around me and my blurry vision dissolved into sparks. How? How
shamed you?
Molly's voice was quiet. She said you had
obviously won my affections, and then left me. Under my false
assumption that you would someday be able to marry me, I'd let you
court me.
I didn't ... I faltered, and then: We were
friends. I didn't know you felt any more than that ....
You didn't? She lifted her chin; I knew that
gesture. Six years ago she would have followed it with a punch to
my stomach. I still flinched. But she just spoke more quietly when
she said, I suppose I should have expected you to say that. It's an
easy thing to say.
It was my turn to be nettled. You're the one who
left me, with not even a word of farewell. And with that sailor,
Jade. Do you think I don't know about him? I was there, Molly. I
saw you take his arm and walk away with him. Why didn't you come to
me, then, before leaving with him?
She drew herself up. I had been a woman with
prospects. Then I became, all unwittingly, a debtor. Do you imagine
that I knew of the debts my father had incurred, and then ignored?
Not till after he was buried did the creditors come knocking. I
lost everything. Should I have come to you as a beggar, hoping
you'd take me in? I'd thought that you'd cared about me. I believed
that you wanted ... El damn you, why do I have to admit this to
you! Her words rattled against me like flung stones. I knew her
eyes were blazing, her cheeks flushed. I thought you did want to
marry me, that you did want a future with me. I wanted to bring
something to it, not come to you penniless and prospectless. I'd
imagined us with a little shop, me with my candles and herbs and
honey, and you with your scriber's skills .... And so I went to my
cousin,
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