the hierarchical uses of a rectangle, turning each corner of which is, in a sense, a moral event: he at the head is exalted; he at the foot, debased. ’Tis rubbish, but ’tis believed.”
“But many years have passed since we last entertained a British king,” said Leodegrance, “and meanwhile my villeins have produced a new supply of maids. I shall have a selection of these wenches sent to your chambers, for of course you will be my guest for the night.” For King Leodegrance had never himself been a great lecher, but he was of the sort of men who are pleased to feed the luxuriousness of their friends.
“My lord,” said King Arthur, “I never heard tell of a cart the which did not have at least two wheels.”
“Indeed,” said Leodegrance, who had quaffed more than a little of the Rhenish wine brought by Kay, “and a maid hath two tits and two cheeks of her bum.”
“Therefore,” said King Arthur, “there might well be another giant’s wheel in Cameliard, the which I might take back to Caerleon for to make mine own table?”
King Leodegrance took the flagon away from his purple-stained mustaches and beard and uttered a vile blasphemy. “By God,” he cried, “that’s the very thing. You will take this very table, my lord young Arthur of Britain, as reward for delivering Cameliard from the foe.”
“Yet it is enormous,” said King Arthur.
“Will never go through a door,” said the old king. “I’ll have the bloody roof pulled off, then, and winches brought into play. Once outside, it can be put upon its edge and rolled unto Wales.”
“Let me first have a word with Merlin, who transported Stonehenge from Ireland to Salisbury Plain without human labor,” said King Arthur. “But in speaking of the enormity of this table I think rather of the number of knights needed to fill its places, an hundred or more by the look of it. Whereas I have in my service only old Sir Hector, who has in fact returned to his bucolic cottage and his hounds, and Sir Kay my seneschal. My army as you see consists of simple kerns. I have mine own self engaged all mounted enemies.”
“I did marvel, watching from the battlements this morning,” said King Leodegrance. “Never have I seen such bravery against such odds.”
“My lord,” said King Arthur, “with Excalibur I am invincible. Therefore bravery is not to be considered. I go to war only to defend Britain or such an ally as yourself. It is necessary to subdue enemies, but I get no satisfaction from the fighting itself, as I am told did Uther Pendragon. Indeed, war to me seemeth but a brutish enterprise.”
“So hath it ever seemed to me, as well,” said Leodegrance. “But with a kingdom small as mine, situated as it is on the route which must needs be taken by any force going to assault another, one necessarily prefers peace. Yet in my dreams I have often enjoyed putting thousands to a sword like Excalibur! Methinks it is natural in every man of noble birth to seek supremacy to the limits of the conditions imposed upon him by God.” These thoughts did seem to sober him to a degree, and he cleaned his face on his sleeve.
Now two small varlets took the large salver which had been piled high with beef at the axle-hole of the great wheel, and bending placed it upon the stones of the floor and then pushing it before them they did proceed to the outside crawling on their knees beneath the table top.
“My goodness, that will never do,” said Sir Kay, who had come with another flask of Rhenish to replenish King Leodegrance’s flagon. “Be cold as a jelly when it gets here.” Therefore he had brought into the hall a cart, and into it he had them put braziers of live coals and over the coals kettles filled with water, and on top of these a great trencher holding an entire side of beef, the which was thus kept warm by steam, and so it was brought to the two kings.
Leodegrance did praise Kay highly for inventing this trolley, not having ate hot meat since
“But many years have passed since we last entertained a British king,” said Leodegrance, “and meanwhile my villeins have produced a new supply of maids. I shall have a selection of these wenches sent to your chambers, for of course you will be my guest for the night.” For King Leodegrance had never himself been a great lecher, but he was of the sort of men who are pleased to feed the luxuriousness of their friends.
“My lord,” said King Arthur, “I never heard tell of a cart the which did not have at least two wheels.”
“Indeed,” said Leodegrance, who had quaffed more than a little of the Rhenish wine brought by Kay, “and a maid hath two tits and two cheeks of her bum.”
“Therefore,” said King Arthur, “there might well be another giant’s wheel in Cameliard, the which I might take back to Caerleon for to make mine own table?”
King Leodegrance took the flagon away from his purple-stained mustaches and beard and uttered a vile blasphemy. “By God,” he cried, “that’s the very thing. You will take this very table, my lord young Arthur of Britain, as reward for delivering Cameliard from the foe.”
“Yet it is enormous,” said King Arthur.
“Will never go through a door,” said the old king. “I’ll have the bloody roof pulled off, then, and winches brought into play. Once outside, it can be put upon its edge and rolled unto Wales.”
“Let me first have a word with Merlin, who transported Stonehenge from Ireland to Salisbury Plain without human labor,” said King Arthur. “But in speaking of the enormity of this table I think rather of the number of knights needed to fill its places, an hundred or more by the look of it. Whereas I have in my service only old Sir Hector, who has in fact returned to his bucolic cottage and his hounds, and Sir Kay my seneschal. My army as you see consists of simple kerns. I have mine own self engaged all mounted enemies.”
“I did marvel, watching from the battlements this morning,” said King Leodegrance. “Never have I seen such bravery against such odds.”
“My lord,” said King Arthur, “with Excalibur I am invincible. Therefore bravery is not to be considered. I go to war only to defend Britain or such an ally as yourself. It is necessary to subdue enemies, but I get no satisfaction from the fighting itself, as I am told did Uther Pendragon. Indeed, war to me seemeth but a brutish enterprise.”
“So hath it ever seemed to me, as well,” said Leodegrance. “But with a kingdom small as mine, situated as it is on the route which must needs be taken by any force going to assault another, one necessarily prefers peace. Yet in my dreams I have often enjoyed putting thousands to a sword like Excalibur! Methinks it is natural in every man of noble birth to seek supremacy to the limits of the conditions imposed upon him by God.” These thoughts did seem to sober him to a degree, and he cleaned his face on his sleeve.
Now two small varlets took the large salver which had been piled high with beef at the axle-hole of the great wheel, and bending placed it upon the stones of the floor and then pushing it before them they did proceed to the outside crawling on their knees beneath the table top.
“My goodness, that will never do,” said Sir Kay, who had come with another flask of Rhenish to replenish King Leodegrance’s flagon. “Be cold as a jelly when it gets here.” Therefore he had brought into the hall a cart, and into it he had them put braziers of live coals and over the coals kettles filled with water, and on top of these a great trencher holding an entire side of beef, the which was thus kept warm by steam, and so it was brought to the two kings.
Leodegrance did praise Kay highly for inventing this trolley, not having ate hot meat since
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