Around the World in a Bad Mood! by Rene Foss Page B

stale air by turning on more packs, but that uses more fuel. So in order to contain fuel costs the airlines encourage the cockpit to limit the amount of packs they use during the flight. Also, there’s about zero percent humidity in the cabin (ergo that lovely dry feeling) and those things combined probably account for the reason you feel like crap after a flight of any length.
    I’ve come to believe that flight attendants develop wonderful immune systems because we really have to combat a lot of foreign particles. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Bitsy’s trouble began when she got called in for excessive sick calls by good ol’ June Larson. It seems that Bitsy had exceeded her allotted sick calls for the year and June wasn’t too happy with her. She told Bitsy she would have a “watch dependability” in her file.
    â€œBut June, there’s been a bad flu going around this year and I didn’t call in sick at all last year. I can’t help that I’m sick. In fact, I think it’s amazing that I haven’t been sick more often when you consider all the germs we’re exposed to on those airplanes. I’m surprised I’m alive.”
    â€œYeah Bitsy, I hear your concerns, blah, blah, blah. Now I want to know what you are going to do to improve your dependability. We can’t have people at WAFTI we can’t rely on.”
    â€œWell, if I’m sick I don’t think I should come to work. That would just make everybody else sick. I think if I am sick I should stay home,” said Bitsy.
    â€œSometimes you’re so sick you need to stay home, but other times you need to tough it out. Now I don’t want you calling in sick the rest of the year. Do you think you can do that?”
    â€œWell, June, I’m not going to make any promises. I’ll do my best.”
    â€œSuper! Now what are you going to do to prevent yourself from getting sick for the rest of the year?” June inquired.
    â€œFrankly, I don’t know. I take vitamins, I eat, I sleep, I exercise.”
    â€œOK Bitsy, why don’t you think of some other things you might do to prevent any more illnesses this year and get back to me.”
    Needless to say, Bitsy was very unhappy after that encounter with June Larson. It became a running joke—how could we prevent getting sick? Did not calling in sick include accidents? For example, if we were in a car accident and Bitsy broke both her legs, was she expected to come to work? Certainly some people abuse sick time, but Bitsy was a very good employee and really didn’t call in sick unless she was sick. I suppose that’s what made her so mad about the whole thing. By the time Bitsy ran into June again, she had acquired a plastic eye shield, rubber gloves, a surgical mask, paper shoes, and a gown from a doctor friend of hers. On her next outbound trip, Bitsy put on all the medical garb over her uniform, armed herself with a can of Lysol, and marched into June’s office, announcing that she had found a way to prevent any further illnesses for the year. She was quite confident that she would not miss any more trips. June didn’t find the whole thing very funny and gave Bitsy a serious reprimand, but to us it was worth it and we kept the costume for a possible Halloween outfit.

Boarding
A Shakespearean Tragedy
    T HESE DAYS IT SEEMS that people will almost kill for a first-class seat. I guess it’s because conditions are so deplorable in coach. One day I saw two grown adults get into a fight over the last seat in first class. Apparently the computer had made an error (hard to believe, I know) and there were twelve seats but thirteen passengers. Now, we’re one of the most civilized, technologically advanced nations in the world, but the behavior of these passengers took me back to the fifteenth century. There is only one word to describe it: “barbaric.”
    It was a dark and stormy night. There