Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz Page B

want to talk about this, Ari, but I think—”
    “I don’t want to know what you think, Mom. I just don’t want to talk.”
    “It’s not good for you to keep everything inside. I know this ishard. And the next two or three months or so are going to be very difficult. Keeping everything bottled up inside you isn’t going to help you heal.”
    “Well, maybe you’ll have to take me to see some counselor and have me talk about my difficulties.”
    “I know sarcasm when I hear it. And I don’t think a counselor would be such a bad idea.”
    “You and Mrs. Quintana making backroom deals?”
    “You’re a wise guy.”
    I closed my eyes and opened them. “I’ll make a deal with you, Mom.” I could almost taste the anger on my tongue. I swear. “You talk about my brother and I’ll talk about what I feel.”
    I saw the look on her face. She looked surprised and hurt. And angry.
    “Your brother has nothing to do with any of this.”
    “You think you and Dad are the only ones who can keep things on the inside? Dad keeps a whole war inside of him. I can keep things on the inside too.”
    “One thing has nothing to do with the other.”
    “That’s not how I see it. You go to a counselor. Dad goes to a counselor. And maybe after that, I’ll go to a counselor.”
    “I’m going to have a cup of coffee,” she said.
    “Take your time.” I closed my eyes. I guess that was going to be my new thing. I couldn’t exactly storm away in anger. I’d just have to close my eyes and shut out the universe.

Five
    MY DAD VISITED ME EVERY EVENING.
    I wanted him to go away.
    He tried to talk to me but it wasn’t working. He pretty much just sat there. That made me crazy. I got this idea into my head. “Dante left two books,” I said. “Which one do you want to read? I’ll read the other.”
    He chose War and Peace .
    The Grapes of Wrath was fine with me.
    It wasn’t so bad, me and my father sitting in a hospital room. Reading.
    My legs itched like crazy.
    Sometimes, I would just breathe.
    Reading helped.
    Sometimes I knew my father was studying me.
    He asked me if I was still having dreams.
    “Yes,” I said. “Now I’m looking for my legs.”
    “You’ll find them,” he said.
    My mom never brought up the conversation we’d had about my brother. She just pretended it hadn’t happened. I’m not sure how Ifelt about that. The good thing was, she wasn’t pushing me to talk. But, you know, she just hung out, trying to make sure I was comfortable. I wasn’t comfortable. Who in the hell could be comfortable with two leg casts? I needed help doing everything. And I was tired of bedpans. And I was tired of taking rides in a wheelchair. My best friend, the wheelchair. And my best friend, my mom. She was making me crazy. “Mom, you’re hovering. You’re going to make me say the ‘f’ word. You really are.”
    “Don’t you dare say that word in front of me.”
    “I swear I’m going to, Mom, if you don’t stop.”
    “What is this wise guy role you’ve been playing?”
    “It’s not a role, Mom. I’m not in a play.” I was desperate. “Mom, my legs hurt and when they don’t hurt, they itch. They’ve taken the morphine away—”
    “Which is a good thing,” my mother interrupted.
    “Yeah, okay, Mom. We can’t have a little addict running around, now can we?” As if I could run around. “Shit. Mom, I just want to be alone. Is that okay with you? That I just want to be alone?”
    “Okay,” she said.
    She gave me more space after that.
    Dante never came back to visit. He’d call twice a day just to say hi. He’d gotten sick. The flu. I felt bad for him. He sounded terrible. He said he had dreams. I told him I had dreams too. One day he called and said, “I want to say something to you, Ari.”
    “Okay,” I said.
    And then he didn’t say anything.
    “What?” I said.
    “Never mind,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”
    I thought it probably mattered a lot. “Okay,” I said.
    “I wish we could