the same. And then you find out there is a giant who is a
trillion times bigger...
Anyway it goes on and on and on. Maybe this is all just the rambling of
a part of me that has lost its sanity as this has happened to me before, but
I've found that even in falsehood you can dissect some parts of truth.
Often times our dreams are never resolved. We might find ourselves
running through a storm but we never find out why. We might be searching for
our first class on the first day of school but we wake up before we see if we
find it or not. We might be parked in front of a house but we don't know what
or who we are waiting for, why we are waiting there and how long we've been
waiting there.
A long time ago I used to have these dreams where I was kept in solitary
confinement in a prison. In a cold, dark corner in a small piece of the
universe, I have to spend these days of penitence in a penitentiary.
Time goes by and I suffer. Sometimes a guard will walk by and I ask him
why I have to suffer, and he tells me that some of us are just meant to suffer
for the things we've done. Sometimes I ask him how I can make things right, and
he tells me that the only thing I can do is offer the people I've wronged my
suffrage.
The one thing I can't solve, the one thing I can't figure out about
those damn dreams is what crime I committed to be put in there in the first
place.
Two things that have always fascinated me in my life are warfare and
prison. Not necessarily the soldiers or the prisoners, but the idea of sending
one group of humans to kill another group of humans, the idea to segregate
certain people in compliance to a few rules on a few pieces of paper. The one
especially interesting aspect, or question, of war, is who exactly is at war?
You can have a war with several countries, several people or even a war with
yourself; a mental struggle.
The Civil War was a war where one nation fought amongst itself. Who is
at war, who is being imprisoned. Once a prisoner becomes institutionalized, once
they become so comfortable to the society within the prison walls, when you set
that prisoner free, you may actually be imprisoning him in the outside world.
Just like that piece of rock in space, a prisoner sometimes wants to stay a
prisoner. Maybe that's why most of them end up going back to prison after they
are freed.
On the news they say they caught the person who murdered that man not
too far from my apartment building. It was over some drug situation, and the
perpetrator is going to be locked away for a long time.
The victim was intoxicated at the time of his death, and the assailant
was caught and it is speculated that after being shown that they had forensic
evidence on him, he confessed and provided details about others in his
organization in an attempt to reduce his prison sentence.
One thing we will all come to realize eventually is that we will always
want more until we decide we want nothing. We are always waiting for our plates
to be filled, but even when they are there is always an empty side-dish.
We tell ourselves we'll be happy and content when we get that job. When
we fall in love and get married. When we have a house. When we have children.
The thing is it's never enough. It will never be enough. Not until enough is
enough.
Chapter 25:
THE MOTH EFFECT
I open the front door to the apartment building and the Sun's rays hit
me as if I had been in darkness for years. I notice that the plants are
beginning to grow, and I can only hope that they grow properly. I start to
think about how the Sun's rays, as powerful as they may be, how they don't
reach the garden, and how sad the zinnias that were there before must have
felt.
In the distance I see Mary getting out of a parked car with a bouquet of
red roses, and this image reminds me that it's Mother's Day, but I've never
figured Mary for a mother. Maybe the roses have nothing to do with the holiday.
Mary passes by
trillion times bigger...
Anyway it goes on and on and on. Maybe this is all just the rambling of
a part of me that has lost its sanity as this has happened to me before, but
I've found that even in falsehood you can dissect some parts of truth.
Often times our dreams are never resolved. We might find ourselves
running through a storm but we never find out why. We might be searching for
our first class on the first day of school but we wake up before we see if we
find it or not. We might be parked in front of a house but we don't know what
or who we are waiting for, why we are waiting there and how long we've been
waiting there.
A long time ago I used to have these dreams where I was kept in solitary
confinement in a prison. In a cold, dark corner in a small piece of the
universe, I have to spend these days of penitence in a penitentiary.
Time goes by and I suffer. Sometimes a guard will walk by and I ask him
why I have to suffer, and he tells me that some of us are just meant to suffer
for the things we've done. Sometimes I ask him how I can make things right, and
he tells me that the only thing I can do is offer the people I've wronged my
suffrage.
The one thing I can't solve, the one thing I can't figure out about
those damn dreams is what crime I committed to be put in there in the first
place.
Two things that have always fascinated me in my life are warfare and
prison. Not necessarily the soldiers or the prisoners, but the idea of sending
one group of humans to kill another group of humans, the idea to segregate
certain people in compliance to a few rules on a few pieces of paper. The one
especially interesting aspect, or question, of war, is who exactly is at war?
You can have a war with several countries, several people or even a war with
yourself; a mental struggle.
The Civil War was a war where one nation fought amongst itself. Who is
at war, who is being imprisoned. Once a prisoner becomes institutionalized, once
they become so comfortable to the society within the prison walls, when you set
that prisoner free, you may actually be imprisoning him in the outside world.
Just like that piece of rock in space, a prisoner sometimes wants to stay a
prisoner. Maybe that's why most of them end up going back to prison after they
are freed.
On the news they say they caught the person who murdered that man not
too far from my apartment building. It was over some drug situation, and the
perpetrator is going to be locked away for a long time.
The victim was intoxicated at the time of his death, and the assailant
was caught and it is speculated that after being shown that they had forensic
evidence on him, he confessed and provided details about others in his
organization in an attempt to reduce his prison sentence.
One thing we will all come to realize eventually is that we will always
want more until we decide we want nothing. We are always waiting for our plates
to be filled, but even when they are there is always an empty side-dish.
We tell ourselves we'll be happy and content when we get that job. When
we fall in love and get married. When we have a house. When we have children.
The thing is it's never enough. It will never be enough. Not until enough is
enough.
Chapter 25:
THE MOTH EFFECT
I open the front door to the apartment building and the Sun's rays hit
me as if I had been in darkness for years. I notice that the plants are
beginning to grow, and I can only hope that they grow properly. I start to
think about how the Sun's rays, as powerful as they may be, how they don't
reach the garden, and how sad the zinnias that were there before must have
felt.
In the distance I see Mary getting out of a parked car with a bouquet of
red roses, and this image reminds me that it's Mother's Day, but I've never
figured Mary for a mother. Maybe the roses have nothing to do with the holiday.
Mary passes by
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