An Unlikely Daddy by Rachel Lee Page B

weren’t fair to you.”
    He hesitated, wondering if he should speak at all.
    â€œYou reminded me, not just of Johnny, but of the person I used to be. I’d become something awful, and I had some time to think about it. You made me think about it. I’d become a hermit. I’m surprised all my friends didn’t abandon me, and then you...you got me thinking about what I was doing. Grief is selfish, but it doesn’t have to be this selfish. I didn’t want you here because you made me see myself. It wasn’t a pretty picture.”
    â€œBut an understandable one,” he said in what he hoped was a kind voice. It was a voice he didn’t get to use often.
    â€œMaybe or maybe not. The point is, I woke up to the fact that I was making things worse for everyone around me, and I wasn’t dealing. Not really. I was hiding in my misery. Then it struck me that misery is, if not comfortable, at least a safe place to stay. It takes no risks.”
    He tried to sort thought all this, to understand what she was driving at, but he wasn’t at all sure.
    â€œAnyway, you made me uncomfortable, and a lot of it had to do with me. I have a right to grieve, but not to wallow in self-pity and to hurt my friends because it hurt me to see them.”
    He grasped that. “It hurts to see others happy when you’re not.”
    â€œSo what? They have a right to be happy, and I should be happy for them, not hating them for it. Loss comes to everyone, Ryker. I tried to remind myself that you’d lost Johnny, too, but...well, maybe that was the first thing that made me look harder at myself.”
    His chest tightened for her. God, all the things this woman had to deal with. He was amazed that she could even find concern for others with all that had happened. “Don’t be hard on yourself.”
    â€œWhy not? I’m not the only widow in the world. It happens to thousands every single day. I just let it suck me down like quicksand. I shut out everything and everyone. I’m not very proud of it. Anyway, get your stuff from the motel. You can stay in one of the spare rooms.”
    He felt he’d just been gut-punched. Was she having some kind of break? A moment of insanity? Stay in this house with a woman he’d bed in an instant if she crooked a finger his way?
    â€œNo, really...”
    â€œI’m serious. You may not be a talker, but I’d like to know you better.”
    â€œBecause of Johnny?” He was definitely wrestling with this.
    â€œNot just that. For me, too. And anyway, I need someone around. You want to help, I need help. Right?”
    â€œYes,” he answered promptly, although the request for help left him feeling a little deflated. For the last few weeks, despite all the time he’d spent trying to cut Marisa out of his thoughts, she’d simply taken up firmer residence there. He’d have liked it if she just wanted him around. Not that that was ever going to happen. Was he losing his mind? He usually met life with more clarity than this. “What kind of help?”
    â€œA little of everything, but mainly I need someone around because the doctor told me he thinks I’m farther along than he originally thought. I may need someone to drive me to the hospital all of a sudden.”
    â€œFarther along?” Now he was in the weeds in a swamp he didn’t begin to understand. Pregnancy had not been a part of his life. “How is that possible?”
    â€œIt’s possible. Johnny was home for a little over two months. I could have been pregnant the first two months without even knowing it.”
    He sensed the details of that were something he should leave alone. “So is he sure?”
    â€œPretty much. He judges the baby to be over seven pounds right now. Either I’m going to have an elephant or I’m getting close to term. I’d rather not have an elephant.”
    That surprised a crack of laughter from him.