An Illusion of Trust (Sequel to The Brevity of Roses) by Linda Cassidy Lewis Page B

expects. I stand abruptly. "Excuse me," I say, "I heard a cry from the nursery." I pray I look steady on my feet as I leave the room. I reach the top of the stairs before the tears win out.
    I didn't really hear a sound from the nursery, but I can't go there anyway, because I don't want the kids to see me crying. In my room, I flop down on the bed and pull a pillow over my head. I'll stay here until I calm down and then take over for Kristen. It's rude to abandon our guests, but I can't face Diane again tonight. I won't. Thirty seconds later, someone jerks the pillow away.
    "Get up." Judith pulls me to my feet to emphasize her order. "Blow your nose, fix your makeup, and get your ass downstairs. Now." She pushes me toward the bathroom.
    "I'm not—"
    "I'll tell you what you're
not
. You're not going to let that bitch get the upper hand."
    I stare at her in disbelief. She feels the same way I do about Diane? She snaps her fingers at me. "Okay. Okay," I say."
    Jalal looks relieved when I return to the living room a few minutes later. "Are they all right?" he asks.
    "It was nothing," I say. "Sorry for rushing out." Diane opens her mouth, but I beat her to it. "You know, Diane, I'm concerned that wealth and celebrity are considered significant qualifications for 'the best schools' in town. I'd prefer to enroll Adam in a school with higher standards." I glance around. "Can I freshen anyone's drink?"

    Later, when I enter the bedroom after a final check on Mia Grace and Adam, Jalal lays his book aside and asks, "Should we check out schools tomorrow?"
    "That's up to you." I cross to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I open my eyes after rinsing my face, the mirror reflects Jalal standing in the archway behind me.
    "We should make these decisions together, Renee."
    I dry my face and jam the towel over the rack. I want to slap him, but I don't know why. "I'm tired. Can we discuss this another time?" He blocks my way when I try to pass. "Jalal, please …"
    His fingertip traces the line of my shoulder. "Are you
too
tired, Mrs. Vaziri?"
    So that's why he's not mad at me for disrupting his dinner party. Does he really think I don't know he wants me only because tall, beautiful, blonde Diane's been turning him on all night? Screw that. I look him in the eye. "Yes, I am."
    For a second, he looks surprised and then disappointed. I look away before his need stirs mine.
    He turns off the bathroom light and follows me to bed. "Will it keep you awake if I read?"
    "No."
    I'm not all that tired, but even if I were, I'd still be lying here pretending to sleep. I should have said yes to Jalal. I've never said no. Now I've broken something—a vow, a promise, a trust. I'm sorry. Ask me again. Please ask me. Touch me. Want me. Please.
    All my willing him to read my mind this time is a waste. He ignores me.
    When he closes his book and turns off his lamp sometime later, I'm still awake. In less than five minutes, he's snoring softly, a contented purr. The dark sucks me in and does not exhale. I'm left to contend with ghosts.
    This is the kind of house most people only dream of living in. I hate it. There are too many rooms. Empty rooms. Ghosts behind the closed doors. How did Meredith stand it all those years alone here? Maybe she didn't sense them. Or maybe they didn't bother her, because they knew she would be one of them. I lie here in the dark and feel her outside the door, waiting for me to drift off, so she can rush in to stand glaring over me. On particularly bad nights, I imagine she creeps up to lie between us, alternately whispering her love in Jalal's ear and threats in mine. She's the reason I sleep fitfully, seeming always to wake on the last note of a scream.
    I am losing my mind.

    Jalal gets Adam dressed while I'm nursing Mia Grace. This has always been my favorite time of day with my babies, both of us still drowsy and warm from bed. It's such a peaceful cuddle. But this morning she pulls away from the breast when she hears Adam