An Hour in the Darkness by Michael Bailey

thought I was in a goddamn movie or something.
    I decided I’d let her suffer enough. Listen, if you drag that sort of thing out too much you’re going to ruin it. I didn’t drag it out too much. I let it carry on just long enough. I was crazy with excitement when Ronnie came and sat down next to me. The excitement was rushing through my veins like electricity or something. It sure was nice having her follow me around like that. It felt good knowing that old Ronnie would probably follow me to the end of the world if I asked her to. It would have been a pretty cruel trick though, when you think about it.
    â€œI understand if you never want to see me again,” she said. “But I needed to come and see you to say thank you.”
    â€œThank me?” I whispered it. I looked at something behind her head – a blackbird in a tree, I think – and tried to focus on it.
    â€œThank you,” she said.
    â€œYou don’t need to thank me, Ronnie.”
    â€œYes, I do. I can’t get any of it out of my mind. What you did for me. The way you stood there when he put the knife into you. I’ve watched it over and over again in my mind.
The look on your face when he did it.
I can’t get your face out of my head. You just watched him do it and then you smiled back at him. You had the calmest face I’ve ever seen. You didn’t even seem to feel the pain for a long time. I can’t get over it. I’m a total wreck. I can’t sleep over this. Please forgive me. All those terrible things I said to you and then you did that. I feel ashamed. I’m so sorry.”
    â€œAll in a day’s work for Superman.” I stood up and whooshed my coat around like a cape. Then I sat down again.
    â€œAnd all the time, all the fucking time, all you do is joke. I can’t get over it as easily as you can. It’s driving me crazy. The way you are. I can’t stand it and I don’t know why. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t move on with my life until I know why you did it.”
    Ronnie looked terribly sad and all I could do to help was crinkle my nose. I began to cough. I clapped my hands because they were frozen with the cold. I felt weak suddenly. I was floating in the sky and looking down at us both, sitting on the bench. I was having an out-of-body experience, I’m certain of it. I didn’t feel in control of my faculties. It was because I’d lost all that blood, I suppose.
    â€œPlease answer me. Why would you do that?”
    â€œI did it because I love you,” I said.
    â€œThat’s bullshit. That’s from story books and films, for crying out loud, that’s not real life. No one does that in real life. Please! I almost wished to God that you hadn’t done it. Don’t you understand that? I can’t deal with it.”
    Old Ronnie sure was getting worked up. It was beginning to get a bit embarrassing. I’m like that. You can be pouring your heart out to me and telling me the most important thing in your life, like you love me, and everything, but if you’re raising your voice then I’m going to feel embarrassed. Ronnie was shouting louder than I used to, for Chrissake. It was a proper reversal of fortune kind of thing.
    â€œJust say you’ll walk out with me, little girl, and we’ll say no more about it.”
    â€œWhat? I can’t believe any of this.”
    â€œBelieve it, angel face. Just go walking out with me one night. Any night, tonight for Chrissake. Just a heartbreak stroll around the Clock Tower and back.”
    â€œI don’t understand you.”
    â€œWhat’s to understand?” I said, rather coyly, if you don’t mind. “I love you.”
    â€œMy head’s all over the place,” she said.
    â€œSo is mine.” I grinned.
    I still kept a sense of humour about it all.
    â€œI don’t know what to do.”
    â€œJust go out with me, one time, and then if