inadequate as he felt, he couldn’t leave the tyke wet and scared to wait for his mother just because she knew how to reassure with affection and he didn’t.
At least a diaper change was his first priority. Funny how that seemed like a reprieve from more demanding tasks. Surprisingly, he nailed it in one go. Even got the kid back into his jammies without misaligning any snaps.
Zephyr seemed to want to keep his blanket with him, so Theo wrapped it around the boy’s tiny body and snugged him closer to the warmth of his own chest, concerned that the air conditioning was set too low in the lounge.
Whether it was the warmth of his body or he was still sleepy, he seemed content enough to be carried into the lounge.
The older babies had both dropped off and Theo found himself standing over them, Zephyr’s silky hair under his chin smelling familiar even though it wasn’t anything he really knew.
Babies were unwieldy responsibilities that were so great, they were to be run from, far and fast. That’s what he’d believed and it was true, if you were five.
He was an adult, though, perfectly capable of things like changing a diaper and making a proper meal and laundering clothes. Fearing the responsibilities of fatherhood was irrational. Millions did it every day and no one would hold him accountable with a beating if he missed getting a bit of food out of a kid’s hair during a bath.
Nevertheless, after his talk with Jaya last night, his terror at taking on the role of a father was worse, not better. He knew why, too. He still feared failing, but not because of the threat of violence. He couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing Jaya.
* * *
Jaya came out of her bathroom to find Zephyr’s cot empty and rushed out to the main room where she found Theo cradling their son like he’d been doing it all his life.
Her blood thickened to such sweet molasses, she couldn’t move. Her limbs ached and felt weak.
She must have gasped because he glanced up and touched a finger to his lips, then tilted his head to see into Zephyr’s tranquil face. In slow motion, like he was handling a chemical bomb, he tucked Zephyr next to his sleeping cousins on the floor and drew their blanket over him.
She was done. Finished. Melted into a puddle on the floor that housekeeping would have to mop up and wring out of the strings.
He added a final blow by fetching his phone off the dining table and snapping a picture of the children piled together like a litter of kittens.
Removing the hand she’d pressed to her mouth, she accused in a whisper, “You’re sentimental.”
He shrugged, striding toward the kitchenette where he set his phone on the table and began making coffee. “We’re not likely to catch them all together like that again, are we? Not all asleep.”
The breath she took was coated in powdered glass. “I thought about sending the photo from last night to your sister, but you haven’t told her, have you? Will you?”
He slowed his movements. “Since she’s my boss and it starts with explaining that I slept with an employee—”
“Not technically.”
He kicked up a brow, unimpressed with the fine line. “Still not the best example.” He pushed the button that started the espresso maker. “And I’m still wrapping my head around it. I’d rather keep things simple until I know how we’re going to proceed.”
She tried to hide her disappointment, then thought, Why should I?
“That’s not really fair to Zephyr, is it? I mean, they’re his cousins.” She waved at the bumps under the blanket. “My relationship with Saranya was the most important of my life.” Not an understatement. “We grew up together and when I needed her, she was there. You don’t just call a cousin out of the blue when your life implodes. Not unless you’ve been close all along.”
She braced against his asking her how her life had imploded, but he only folded his arms and hitched a hip against the counter.
“I didn’t think of it
At least a diaper change was his first priority. Funny how that seemed like a reprieve from more demanding tasks. Surprisingly, he nailed it in one go. Even got the kid back into his jammies without misaligning any snaps.
Zephyr seemed to want to keep his blanket with him, so Theo wrapped it around the boy’s tiny body and snugged him closer to the warmth of his own chest, concerned that the air conditioning was set too low in the lounge.
Whether it was the warmth of his body or he was still sleepy, he seemed content enough to be carried into the lounge.
The older babies had both dropped off and Theo found himself standing over them, Zephyr’s silky hair under his chin smelling familiar even though it wasn’t anything he really knew.
Babies were unwieldy responsibilities that were so great, they were to be run from, far and fast. That’s what he’d believed and it was true, if you were five.
He was an adult, though, perfectly capable of things like changing a diaper and making a proper meal and laundering clothes. Fearing the responsibilities of fatherhood was irrational. Millions did it every day and no one would hold him accountable with a beating if he missed getting a bit of food out of a kid’s hair during a bath.
Nevertheless, after his talk with Jaya last night, his terror at taking on the role of a father was worse, not better. He knew why, too. He still feared failing, but not because of the threat of violence. He couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing Jaya.
* * *
Jaya came out of her bathroom to find Zephyr’s cot empty and rushed out to the main room where she found Theo cradling their son like he’d been doing it all his life.
Her blood thickened to such sweet molasses, she couldn’t move. Her limbs ached and felt weak.
She must have gasped because he glanced up and touched a finger to his lips, then tilted his head to see into Zephyr’s tranquil face. In slow motion, like he was handling a chemical bomb, he tucked Zephyr next to his sleeping cousins on the floor and drew their blanket over him.
She was done. Finished. Melted into a puddle on the floor that housekeeping would have to mop up and wring out of the strings.
He added a final blow by fetching his phone off the dining table and snapping a picture of the children piled together like a litter of kittens.
Removing the hand she’d pressed to her mouth, she accused in a whisper, “You’re sentimental.”
He shrugged, striding toward the kitchenette where he set his phone on the table and began making coffee. “We’re not likely to catch them all together like that again, are we? Not all asleep.”
The breath she took was coated in powdered glass. “I thought about sending the photo from last night to your sister, but you haven’t told her, have you? Will you?”
He slowed his movements. “Since she’s my boss and it starts with explaining that I slept with an employee—”
“Not technically.”
He kicked up a brow, unimpressed with the fine line. “Still not the best example.” He pushed the button that started the espresso maker. “And I’m still wrapping my head around it. I’d rather keep things simple until I know how we’re going to proceed.”
She tried to hide her disappointment, then thought, Why should I?
“That’s not really fair to Zephyr, is it? I mean, they’re his cousins.” She waved at the bumps under the blanket. “My relationship with Saranya was the most important of my life.” Not an understatement. “We grew up together and when I needed her, she was there. You don’t just call a cousin out of the blue when your life implodes. Not unless you’ve been close all along.”
She braced against his asking her how her life had imploded, but he only folded his arms and hitched a hip against the counter.
“I didn’t think of it
Similar Books
