She looked hurt, or maybe just shocked that I would speak to her that way. I felt bad about hurting her feelings by the way I’d said it, but I didn’t regret what I said. She seems to forget sometimes that we’re not actually a couple and that we’re not making a family together. It was all in black and white in the contract.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” I said, hoping that would appease her.
“It’s fine,” she said. “You’re right; it’s your child and your business.” She didn’t seem like it was fine and as she spoke I felt even worse about hurting her. I was really not an ass. I just wanted…no; I needed to keep things pragmatic. Her lips were pursed in a defensive way and I couldn’t help thinking about how sweet they always tasted. A sensation passed through my body and although I knew I should leave it alone for now so that she didn’t continue to get the wrong idea, I was compelled to kiss her. I covered the small space between us in one step and had her in my arms, kissing her, feeling her warm body against mine in two thrilling seconds.
When we came up for air she said, “What was that about?”
“Foreplay,” I told her. I was trying to be cute and charming but she furrowed her brow like she didn’t understand. “I was thinking of a long day at the beach, lunch in a nice restaurant and then a marathon of baby making sex when we get back…so that was foreplay.”
She smiled, but it looked forced. I saw something pass across her eyes and I wished for the first time that I knew what she was thinking. I told myself it didn’t matter, like the way I plan to raise my child; her thoughts were not my business. We had a contract and she signed it. I signed it and I hope that we both intended to honor it.
HOLLY
We did go home that night and make love for hours. I suppose to protect my heart, I should just refer to it as baby-making sex the way that Aiden does. It’s hard for me to see it that way. When we’re alone in that bed together he’s so sweet and tender and I hesitate to say it…loving. He’s a very unselfish lover and I shudder to think of the trail of broken hearts he had likely left in his wake.
But, I told myself, no matter how sweet it was, the next morning I always wake up alone. During the day I can tell that he’s doing all he can to keep our relationship on a business level. The day at the beach when he kissed me I was shocked because he usually didn’t do that out of the blue. All of our affection is usually relegated to the bedroom. I had to wonder if he was only feeling guilty about snapping at me, or if he was beginning to have real feelings as well. I hated to admit it, but I was hoping for the latter. He was very good at guarding his feelings and I also had to wonder how good that was going to be when he had a child and he was the only parent. I did hope he knew that the child was not going to be content or even healthy if the only attention and affection he was getting was from the staff . I hoped he knew he wasn’t going to be able to treat that child like a possession…like something he’d paid for…which he did. After the way he snapped at me though, I suppose I should remember to keep those opinions to myself.
It was Monday morning now and time for my weekly visit to the doctor. I was sitting in his lobby, flipping through a magazine, but not really seeing it. It had been two straight months and there was only one week during that time when we hadn’t had sex at least once a night. That was during my menstrual cycle. Other than that it was anywhere from one to three times a night. Sometimes he was insatiable and I almost couldn’t keep up with him. It was another reason I was able to lie to myself and believe that he felt something for me…who has that much sex with someone they don’t care for?
“Miss Valentine?” The nurse brought me out of my reverie. “Dr. Lewis is