Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett Page A

said Maurice.
    'Why?'
    'Because I'm a suspicious character! I wouldn't trust your rat-catchers if they told me the sky was blue. What have they been doing? Pinching the food and then saying, "It was the rats, honest"? And everyone believed them?'
    'No, stupid. People have found gnawed bones and empty egg baskets, that sort of thing,' said Malicia. 'And rat droppings all over the place!'
    'I suppose you could scratch the bones and I suppose rat-catchers could shovel up a lot of rat droppings…' Maurice conceded.
    'And they're killing all the real rats so that there's more for them!' said Malicia triumphantly. 'Very clever!'
    'Yeah, and that's a bit puzzling,' said Maurice, 'because we've met your rat-catchers and, frankly, if it was raining meatballs they wouldn't be able to find a fork.'
    'I've been thinking about something,' said Keith, who had been humming to himself.
    'Well, I'm glad someone has,' Malicia began.
    'It's about wire netting,' said Keith. 'There was wire netting in the shed.'
    'Is this important ?'
    'Why do rat-catchers need rolls of wire netting?'
    'How should I know? Cages, maybe? Does it matter?'
    'Why would rat-catchers put rats in cages? Dead rats don't run away, do they?'
    There was silence. Maurice could see that Malicia was not happy about that comment. It was an unnecessary complication. It spoiled the story.
    'I may be stupid-looking,' Keith added, 'but I'm not stupid. I have time to think about things because I don't keep on talking all the time . I look at things. I listen. I try to learn. I-'
    'I don't talk all the time!'
    Maurice let them argue and stalked away into the corner of the cellar. Or cellars. They seemed to go on a long way. He saw something streak across the floor in the shadows, and leapt before he could think. His stomach remembered that it had been a long time since the mouse, and it connected itself straight to his legs. 'All right,' he said, as the thing squirmed in his paws,'speak up or-'
    A small stick hit him very sharply. 'Do you mind ?' said Sardines, struggling to get up.
    'Dere's bno deed to be like dab!' muttered Maurice, trying to lick his smarting nose.
    'I've got a rkrklk HAT on, right?' snapped Sardines. 'Do you ever bother to look?'
    'All ride, all ride, sorwy… why're you here?'
    Sardines brushed himself off. 'Looking for you or stupid-looking kid,' he said. 'Hamnpork sent me! We're in trouble now! You just won't believe what we've found!'
    'He wants me ?' said Maurice. 'I thought he didn't like me!'
    'Well, he said it's nasty and evil so you'd know what to do, boss,' said Sardines, picking up his hat. 'Look at that, will you? Your claw went right through it!'
    'But I did ask you if you could talk, didn't I?' said Maurice.
    'Yes, you did, but-'
    'I always ask!'
    'I know, so-'
    'I'm very definite about asking, you know!'
    'Yes, yes, you've made your point, I believe you,' said Sardines. 'I only complained about the hat!'
    'I'd hate anyone to think I don't ask,' said Maurice.
    'There's no need to go on and on about it,' said Sardines. 'Where's the kid?'
    'Back there, talking to the girl,' said Maurice sulkily.
    'What, the mad one?'
    'That's her.'
    'You'd better get them. This is seriously evil. There's a door at the other end of these cellars. I'm amazed you can't smell it from here!'
    'I'd just like everyone to be clear that I asked, that's all…'
    'Boss,' said Sardines,'this is serious !'
    Peaches and Darktan waited for the exploration party. They were with Toxie, another young male rat, who was good at reading and acted as a kind of assistant.
    Peaches had also brought Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure .
    'They've been gone a long time,' said Toxie.
    'Darktan checks every step,' said Peaches.
    'Something's wrong,' said Dangerous Beans. His nose wrinkled.
    A rat scurried down the tunnel and pushed frantically past them.
    Dangerous Beans sniffed the air. 'Fear,' he said.
    Three more rats scrambled past, knocking him over.
    'What's happening?' said Peaches, as another rat