Always and Forever by Karla J. Nellenbach

else for that matter,” I grumbled. I silently willed her not to question me further because then I really would have to lie to her.
    I'd never lied to my parents before. Ever. Well, there was always a first time for everything. Strange how that first had to come about because of the string of ‘lasts’ that had been forced upon me.
    “Ignoring this is not going to make it go away, Mia,” she said quietly. “It'll only make it that much harder to accept later.”
    “I'll be fine,” I bit out, my back to her as I rummaged through the remaining clothes in my closet. Ricki really hadn't left me with much to choose from.
    “What about Ben. And Kal?”
    I stiffened at her softly uttered question, heard the condemnation behind the mild words. “That's a non-issue.” I whirled back around to pin her with a frigid glare. “It's better this way. If they don't know.”
    “Better for whom?” she countered, leaving the bed and moving slowly toward me, her arms extended, an open invitation to bury myself in her warmth, her strength. “You? Or, them? Because I don't see how any of this can be solved by lying to the people who love you the most, Mia. They're going to find out sooner or later, and then what will you say? How will you explain your reasons for deceiving them?”
    “I'm not lying to them,” I gritted out through tightly clenched teeth.
    “Mia—”
    “Mom!” Ben shouted as he clamored up the stairs. “Are you coming or what? Mia can't still be sleeping, can she?” He skidded to a stop in my doorway. After one look at the two of us, Mom desperately coaxing and me sullenly standoff-ish, he turned on his heel to walk right back out the door and mumbled apologies as he exited. Ben was no dummy. He knew better than to get caught in the crossfire.
    “Wait up, Benji,” I called to his retreating form. Before Mom could nag me further about all this doom and gloom death stuff, I jogged after him. He was halfway down the stairs by the time I caught up. Behind me, Mom heaved out a mournful sigh but silently followed.
    I may have won that battle, but there would surely be another one on the near horizon. This was one subject that she wouldn't let go of too easily.
    Dad already had all the presents sorted and placed next to our respective places in the living room. I scampered over to the arm chair that was my preferred lounging spot. Ben went to the recliner, and Mom and Dad took the couch. My gaze swept the room as they all opened gifts and talked excitedly about what they'd received.
    I watched them in all their Christmas glory. I couldn't help but fast-forward a year and wonder. Would they be this excited next year when their festivities would be a person short, when this chair was sadly vacant? Would they still smile and laugh, or would they even celebrate at all? I knew I should've told myself that they had to still have their holiday, that they needed to continue on even after I was no longer with them, but I didn't want that. Not really. I was being selfish. I could admit that, but the thought of them enjoying themselves without me tore through my gut, the pain growing razor sharp teeth and gnawing at my insides until I was nothing but a hollowed out shell.
    “Thanks, Mia,” Ben cried excitedly. “This is great!”
    I looked up to see him holding the newest war game in his hand. I forced a brilliant smile up to my lips and nodded, but if the look on his face was any indication, it came across more as a pained grimace.
    He shoved up to his feet and was at my side in an instant. “Are you okay?” he whispered. “You haven't opened a single present yet.”
    I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug and scooted over. Once upon a time, we could both comfortably fit in this chair together, but a growth spurt the previous summer left Ben a little too broad of shoulder to make the squeeze. Nonetheless, he didn't hesitate to settle down into the chair with me. He ended up half in my lap, but neither of us complained