Almost Lost by Beatrice Sparks Page A

I didn’t really mean to go there but…well…I couldn’t sponge on them anymore. And I did have their home address in some little funny-named town in California. I would have returned their money with interest, too, if I hadn’t lost their address.
    â€œIn the bus station I looked over all the pamphlets and decided I’d go to Las Vegas, but when I went to buy the ticket, something almost stronger than me bought a ticket home (Sammy’s hometown), even though I didn’t want to go there. I couldn’t! I thought there was no way that my mom and sweet innocent, clean little sisters would ever accept me after what I had become, the dregs of the earth or worse.
    â€œWhen I got to town it was dark, so I dared to walk down my old street past my house. There were lights on inside, and I could hear music. Mom’s car was in the driveway, and, as usual, Dorie hadn’t closed the back door tightly, so the little bulbs were shining inside, running down the battery. I wanted to go over and close the door as I had a million times before, but I forced myself to go on. Mom’s silhouette passed by the window as I reached the big tree on Mr. Laton’s place. My heart was beating so hard and so fast that I had to lean against it to keep from falling down. Then I heard Dread Red Fred barking to get out. I could see by his jumping against thewindow that he knew I was there, so I started running away as fast as I could.”
    â€œYour pain and loneliness must have been intense.”
    â€œIt was.”
    â€œSo how did you get from there to here?”
    â€œI slept in the park and then came and sat on your steps till you came out.”
    â€œAll day?”
    â€œAll of probably the longest day in my life.”
    â€œYou precious, hurting kid. Have you now finally dumped it all out?”
    â€œI think so. Everything but it , that is.”
    â€œ That we’ll put in a separate department and take care of later if it’s all right with you.”
    â€œAnything you say.”
    â€œLet’s stop for a while and a little later put all the pieces together in the order of their importance. Okay?”
    â€œWhat a relief it will be to finally be led out of my…my yucky black past.”
    â€œInto your brilliant, glorious future.”
    â€œBut I still feel like I’ve got fly-attracting crud all over me even though I’ve walked away from it. I feel dirty and unclean and unworthy and unacceptable inside and outside.”
    â€œWhoops, remember who is putting those thoughts into your brain?”
    â€œUmmm, I guess I am , but they are just as real as though some unseen force had pushed them there and won’t let them out.”
    â€œThen maybe it’s time to face the enemy down and defeat it?”
    â€œI’m…I’m…I hope I’m prepared for the battle.”
    â€œFirst let’s relax and stretch and have some nuts and fruit and drinks.”
    â€œSounds good to me. I need nourishment.”
    â€œTeenagers always need nourishment, physically, mentally, psychologically, and lovingly.”
    â€œNow you get the gold star on your forehead.”
    After a few minutes our session continued.
    â€œWe may be going over some things you’ve gone over before, Sammy Soul Searcher, but you’ve got to really believe in a principle and precept to have you work for it and it work for you! Does that make sense?”
    â€œI think so.”
    â€œThen let’s go back to the beginning. When and how and why do you think you first began slipping into depression?”
    â€œWell…I used to sometimes get mad at a teacher, or ripped at my mom, or bugged out of my brain by my sisters, but I never hated their guts or wanted evil black clouds to close in on them and make them disappear or any of the other feelings that seemed to come over me after ‘it’ happened. It really did seem that after I got black they all got