when he doesn’t Misses me when we’re apart
Isn’t afraid to fight with me
Allows me to drive him crazy
Would rather do nothing with me than something by himself Can fall asleep in my lap while I work—and still call it a date
TOP-OF-THE-LINE LEVEL
Can say “I love you” with his eyes
Never lies (except to spare my feelings)
Doesn’t worry about losing me because he knows he can’t Forgets there was a time when we didn’t know each other
Kisses me for no good reason
Celebrates my faults
Sighs when I hold him
Knows all the lyrics to Flora, The Red Menace (optional) Strong Points : Looks like a puppy when he pouts.
Shortcomings : Pouts too much.
Comments : We’re getting there.
Vidiots
Santa Monica’s Favorite Video Store
CUSTOMER : Travis Puckett
ACCOUNT NO .: 7643757
DATE OUT : May 6, 1998 DATE DUE: May 7, 1998
TITLES
I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND 2.99
TOTAL
2.99
THANK YOU FOR RENTING FROM VIDIOTS
Tell Gordo we said Hi. And how come he doesn’t come in anymore?
Cherie.
FROM THE DESK OF
Gordon Duboise
T:
Suppose you liked girls. Suppose you found yourself being chased by a 19-year-old knockout who was also brainy and funny—and who wasn’t (a) psychotic, (b) chemically dependent, (c) on the lam, or (d) a studio executive. Would you stop to remember that you were twice as old as she was, or would you ignore the whole problem and elope to Tahoe?
I need an answer quick. Once our clothes come off, it’s out of my hands.
G
P.S. Leave your verdict on my desk. Mona and I won’t be out of the bedroom until at least Thursday. 'She’s the other one I might marry. How am I supposed to know for sure unless I try them both out first?) FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
G:
You might as well. The last time you corked somebody half your age, we were 32. At least we won’t have to worry about the Child Welfare Department this time.
You’re hopeless. How do these people find you?
T
BEWARE !
You have just entered
home page of
GORDON DUBOISE
screenwriter/lover/bon vivant
Click here to find out more about me
Click here for a list of my credits
Click here to find out if I’m available for work Click here to find out if I’m available for play Click here for pictures of me in my Speedos
Click here for information on my next party (romantic women only)
Click here to send me e-mail
Click here to post a message on my bulletin board (keep it sensitive——I have a poetic heart)
BULLETIN BOARD
Dear Gordo,
Thanks for the pictures. Is all of that you? If so, send more.
—Sue in Milwaukee
Dear Gordo,
I’m 23, I have big tits, I’m working on my master’s, and I could suck the filament out of a lightbulb without breaking the glass. Let me know if you’re ever going to be in Georgia and I’ll show you.
—Rae Ellen in Atlanta
Dear Pig,
You’re disgusting. If you ever got out of the 1970s, you might learn that they made this really incredible discovery: women actually have something more to offer than a dust rag and a hole. Assuming you have any brains, you might consider taking them out of your dick.
—Liz in Chicago
Dude.
I know it says Girls Only, but I’ve got a really creative mouth and I’m in L.A. too. Think about it.
—Blowbuddy
Gordon:
This is your father. I’ve been trying to reach you for three days, but the goddamned line is always busy. Universal should only know why.
If I don’t have a finished script in two weeks, you’d better see if Blowbuddy is willing to pay you, because nobody else will.
FROM THE DESK OF
Gordon Duboise
Pop:
Take your pick:
1. Two sportswriters, boy and girl. Hate each other on sight but fall in love anyway.
2. Bad boy meets bad girl. When they fall in love, they turn good. (Somebody dies in this one.)
3. Boy and girl meet in college, sleep together, it doesn’t work.
So they marry other people but wind up together anyway.
4. Secret agent falls in love with
Isn’t afraid to fight with me
Allows me to drive him crazy
Would rather do nothing with me than something by himself Can fall asleep in my lap while I work—and still call it a date
TOP-OF-THE-LINE LEVEL
Can say “I love you” with his eyes
Never lies (except to spare my feelings)
Doesn’t worry about losing me because he knows he can’t Forgets there was a time when we didn’t know each other
Kisses me for no good reason
Celebrates my faults
Sighs when I hold him
Knows all the lyrics to Flora, The Red Menace (optional) Strong Points : Looks like a puppy when he pouts.
Shortcomings : Pouts too much.
Comments : We’re getting there.
Vidiots
Santa Monica’s Favorite Video Store
CUSTOMER : Travis Puckett
ACCOUNT NO .: 7643757
DATE OUT : May 6, 1998 DATE DUE: May 7, 1998
TITLES
I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND 2.99
TOTAL
2.99
THANK YOU FOR RENTING FROM VIDIOTS
Tell Gordo we said Hi. And how come he doesn’t come in anymore?
Cherie.
FROM THE DESK OF
Gordon Duboise
T:
Suppose you liked girls. Suppose you found yourself being chased by a 19-year-old knockout who was also brainy and funny—and who wasn’t (a) psychotic, (b) chemically dependent, (c) on the lam, or (d) a studio executive. Would you stop to remember that you were twice as old as she was, or would you ignore the whole problem and elope to Tahoe?
I need an answer quick. Once our clothes come off, it’s out of my hands.
G
P.S. Leave your verdict on my desk. Mona and I won’t be out of the bedroom until at least Thursday. 'She’s the other one I might marry. How am I supposed to know for sure unless I try them both out first?) FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
G:
You might as well. The last time you corked somebody half your age, we were 32. At least we won’t have to worry about the Child Welfare Department this time.
You’re hopeless. How do these people find you?
T
BEWARE !
You have just entered
home page of
GORDON DUBOISE
screenwriter/lover/bon vivant
Click here to find out more about me
Click here for a list of my credits
Click here to find out if I’m available for work Click here to find out if I’m available for play Click here for pictures of me in my Speedos
Click here for information on my next party (romantic women only)
Click here to send me e-mail
Click here to post a message on my bulletin board (keep it sensitive——I have a poetic heart)
BULLETIN BOARD
Dear Gordo,
Thanks for the pictures. Is all of that you? If so, send more.
—Sue in Milwaukee
Dear Gordo,
I’m 23, I have big tits, I’m working on my master’s, and I could suck the filament out of a lightbulb without breaking the glass. Let me know if you’re ever going to be in Georgia and I’ll show you.
—Rae Ellen in Atlanta
Dear Pig,
You’re disgusting. If you ever got out of the 1970s, you might learn that they made this really incredible discovery: women actually have something more to offer than a dust rag and a hole. Assuming you have any brains, you might consider taking them out of your dick.
—Liz in Chicago
Dude.
I know it says Girls Only, but I’ve got a really creative mouth and I’m in L.A. too. Think about it.
—Blowbuddy
Gordon:
This is your father. I’ve been trying to reach you for three days, but the goddamned line is always busy. Universal should only know why.
If I don’t have a finished script in two weeks, you’d better see if Blowbuddy is willing to pay you, because nobody else will.
FROM THE DESK OF
Gordon Duboise
Pop:
Take your pick:
1. Two sportswriters, boy and girl. Hate each other on sight but fall in love anyway.
2. Bad boy meets bad girl. When they fall in love, they turn good. (Somebody dies in this one.)
3. Boy and girl meet in college, sleep together, it doesn’t work.
So they marry other people but wind up together anyway.
4. Secret agent falls in love with
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