little than buying a motorbike,” he said.
She turned her head to find him watching her. If it was anyone else, she’d tell them where to stuff it, but she could see the concern in his espresso-dark eyes.
“ Maybe you can. But this is about what I want, and I want that bike.”
“ You said something last night. About being sick of waiting for people to leave you.”
Three cheers for her beer-lubricated mouth.
“Did I?”
“ Tell me you don’t think you had anything to do with Simon cheating on you? Because that is straight-up bullshit, Tara. It’s all on him, all of it.”
He sat up, no longer lazy and relaxed. Not wanting to be at a disadvantage, she sat up, too.
“I don’t think it’s my fault he cheated. But it’s my fault for being with him. That’s all on me.”
He frowned and she could see he didn ’t understand.
“ It’s hard to explain,” she said, thinking about all the elements that had fed into the unconscious decision she’d made to play it safe with Simon. Her father, her mother, the way things had been after he left...
And then suddenly she was talking, the words pouring out of her, almost as though she ’d been waiting for an opportunity to share this part of herself with him.
“ When my dad left, my mom fell apart. She loved him so much, and she just... couldn’t cope without him, I guess. She was so wounded and hurt and broken, and for a long time all she did was cry and spend days in bed and talk on the phone with Aunt Margot.” Tara swallowed past the tightness in her throat. She couldn’t think about those hard times without getting emotional. Life had been so precarious, every day had felt as though it balanced on the edge of disaster. “I felt so guilty. So responsible. I did everything I could to help out, but I couldn’t bring Dad back and that was what she wanted, more than anything.”
“ Your dad didn’t leave because of you and Scarlett, Tara,” Reid said.
“ I know. But something happened before he left... “ She drew her knees to her chest and looped her arms around them, needing the comfort as she gathered her courage. Then, her gaze fixed on the red and black plaid of the picnic blanket, she told him what she’d never told anyone else. “I came home from school early one day. I had a dentist appointment, and I was supposed to meet Mom at home and she was going to drive me to Dr. Cassidy’s. She wasn’t home when I got there, though. Dad was. And he was with someone. I could hear them when I let myself in, and I found them in the kitchen, kissing, half-undressed.”
She had to stop then, the old memory so powerful she felt physically ill. Reid shifted, turning to face her, reaching out to wrap his hand around her ankle. His touch was so reassuring, so grounding and safe, and she lifted her gaze from the blanket briefly to look at him.
His expression was patiently solemn as he waited for more.
“ He told me it was a mistake,” she said. “Told me it would never happen again. He cried... I’d never seen him like that. He made me promise that I would never tell anyone. He said he’d make it up to Mom, to me, to all of us. And I believed him.”
She saw comprehension dawn in Reid ’s eyes.
“ How long was it until he left?” he asked, his voice gravelly with what she suspected was anger.
And why not? It was an angry-making story. Her father had behaved appallingly. Weakly. Shamefully.
“A month. Just long enough for him to arrange things to suit himself. Take money from the mortgage, sort out a new place to live. Then we came home from school one day and he was gone and Mom was... broken.”
And Tammy Buck had never recovered, and Tara has spent the last thirteen years wondering what might have happened if she ’d said something about what she’d seen, instead of honoring her promise to her father.
“ Your father is an asshole.”
Trust Reid to put it so bluntly.
“ Yeah, he is. But we all loved him like crazy when he was around.
She turned her head to find him watching her. If it was anyone else, she’d tell them where to stuff it, but she could see the concern in his espresso-dark eyes.
“ Maybe you can. But this is about what I want, and I want that bike.”
“ You said something last night. About being sick of waiting for people to leave you.”
Three cheers for her beer-lubricated mouth.
“Did I?”
“ Tell me you don’t think you had anything to do with Simon cheating on you? Because that is straight-up bullshit, Tara. It’s all on him, all of it.”
He sat up, no longer lazy and relaxed. Not wanting to be at a disadvantage, she sat up, too.
“I don’t think it’s my fault he cheated. But it’s my fault for being with him. That’s all on me.”
He frowned and she could see he didn ’t understand.
“ It’s hard to explain,” she said, thinking about all the elements that had fed into the unconscious decision she’d made to play it safe with Simon. Her father, her mother, the way things had been after he left...
And then suddenly she was talking, the words pouring out of her, almost as though she ’d been waiting for an opportunity to share this part of herself with him.
“ When my dad left, my mom fell apart. She loved him so much, and she just... couldn’t cope without him, I guess. She was so wounded and hurt and broken, and for a long time all she did was cry and spend days in bed and talk on the phone with Aunt Margot.” Tara swallowed past the tightness in her throat. She couldn’t think about those hard times without getting emotional. Life had been so precarious, every day had felt as though it balanced on the edge of disaster. “I felt so guilty. So responsible. I did everything I could to help out, but I couldn’t bring Dad back and that was what she wanted, more than anything.”
“ Your dad didn’t leave because of you and Scarlett, Tara,” Reid said.
“ I know. But something happened before he left... “ She drew her knees to her chest and looped her arms around them, needing the comfort as she gathered her courage. Then, her gaze fixed on the red and black plaid of the picnic blanket, she told him what she’d never told anyone else. “I came home from school early one day. I had a dentist appointment, and I was supposed to meet Mom at home and she was going to drive me to Dr. Cassidy’s. She wasn’t home when I got there, though. Dad was. And he was with someone. I could hear them when I let myself in, and I found them in the kitchen, kissing, half-undressed.”
She had to stop then, the old memory so powerful she felt physically ill. Reid shifted, turning to face her, reaching out to wrap his hand around her ankle. His touch was so reassuring, so grounding and safe, and she lifted her gaze from the blanket briefly to look at him.
His expression was patiently solemn as he waited for more.
“ He told me it was a mistake,” she said. “Told me it would never happen again. He cried... I’d never seen him like that. He made me promise that I would never tell anyone. He said he’d make it up to Mom, to me, to all of us. And I believed him.”
She saw comprehension dawn in Reid ’s eyes.
“ How long was it until he left?” he asked, his voice gravelly with what she suspected was anger.
And why not? It was an angry-making story. Her father had behaved appallingly. Weakly. Shamefully.
“A month. Just long enough for him to arrange things to suit himself. Take money from the mortgage, sort out a new place to live. Then we came home from school one day and he was gone and Mom was... broken.”
And Tammy Buck had never recovered, and Tara has spent the last thirteen years wondering what might have happened if she ’d said something about what she’d seen, instead of honoring her promise to her father.
“ Your father is an asshole.”
Trust Reid to put it so bluntly.
“ Yeah, he is. But we all loved him like crazy when he was around.
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