All the Things I Didn't See by Cindy Sutherland Page A

Sam’s bedside.
Josh took one last look at Sam and walked out the door. It was shaping up to be a long day.
    W
HEN Josh got out of the cab in front of his apartment building, he felt like it had been years since he’d been there. He headed inside and up the stairs, wishing, not for the first time, that the building had an elevator to get him to the fourth floor.
    As he walked down the hall toward his door he struggled with what to say to Stephanie, but he couldn’t think of anything that would make it easier on either of them.
    It was quiet as he unlocked the door, but that wasn’t unusual. Stephanie liked to sleep in on the weekends, and he realized with a start that it was Saturday. He dropped his keys on the little table by the door and walked into the kitchen.
    Opening the fridge, he grabbed a carton of orange juice and poured himself a glass. After he drank it, he put on a pot of coffee and made some toast.
    When it was ready, he made his way to the living room, turning on the TV, flipping channels aimlessly, and watched quietly as he ate, waiting for Stephanie to wake up.
    He wasn’t surprised when she stumbled into the living room a half hour later, roused from her sleep by the scent of freshly brewed coffee.
    She walked into the kitchen, poured herself a cup, and then joined Josh on the couch, sitting on the opposite end.
“So….” Josh wasn’t sure how to start.
She snorted. “I know.” She took another drink of her coffee. “This is kind of fucked up, huh?”
Josh looked down at his fingers, watching as they tangled together in his lap. Hands that had been touching Sam pretty much constantly for the past three days.
    “Yeah, it’s really fucked up, Steph.”
“Is Sam okay?”
“No. Not yet. But he will be.”
“Good… and Josh… I’m really sorry he got hurt.” Josh
    could tell she was sincere.
“Me too.”
    Josh started to shake, and Stephanie quickly put down her coffee and wrapped her arms around him. She held him as he cried out all his grief and anger, all the while whispering comforting words and petting his head until he finally calmed down enough to talk to her.
    “It wasn’t your fault, Josh,” she said firmly. “It was that whacko’s. He’s the only one who gets to take the blame here. And if I know Sam at all, he feels the same way.”
    Josh nodded. “Pretty much. I was just so scared, though, you know? I knew there was something wrong even before he walked up to us… but by then it was already too late.”
She sat up and let go of him, nodding agreeably as she picked her coffee up again. “It usually is.”
     
He looked up at her and sighed. “This isn’t the way I wanted this to go.”
     
Stephanie knew he wasn’t just talking about the conversation.
     
“Yeah, me neither.” She stood up and headed back to the kitchen for a refill.
    “I’m gonna pack up my stuff and head off to my sister’s later,” she said as she returned. “I think a few weeks in Boston would do me some good.”
“You don’t have to go, Steph. This is your place too.”
    She smiled at him. “Nah, this is your apartment, Josh. You lived here first. I’ll come back later and get the rest of my stuff.”
“I don’t know what to say… except that I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t apologize, honey. We just want different things out of life. I’m more of an instant gratification kind of person and you seem to have all the patience in the world when it comes to getting what you want.”
    She walked back over to him, and he stood up to face her.
“One day, Josh Kelly, you’re going to be a famous actor/director and I’ll get to say ‘I knew him back when…’ and I’ll be proud to say it.” She offered him a small smile. “But right now, I think I need someone who can put me first all the time. I’m a little selfish that way.”
“I never meant….” He struggled to get the words out.
“I know, Josh. If I thought that you’d just used me, I could be royally pissed. Hell, it might even