All New Letters From a Nut by Alan. Marder Ted L. Nancy

So he makes obscene gestures at strangers as they pass. Instead of spewing out a filthy stream of vulgarities. Belive me, It can be quite troublesome to see an innocent couple enjoying the splashing water and warm sun and Frito approaches and gives them an obscene finger gesture or makes the sign of the *&%# you. It can get worse as Frito currently has 17 obscene gestures and ticks he displays. I will be happy to list all of them for you if you like. I keep a chart for travel situations like this. But what can I do? Frito is my companion.
    I will be arriving by raincage from Lodi. My Lodi # is K65D–. Can we make plans to go on a 14 day cruise, your finest extravagances please? Frito shaves every 30 minutes. I look forward to your reply with my request.
    Sincerely,

    F.D. Nancy
Frito likes limes.

    Full text of the above letter to follow.

    Cruise Deals
11111 Carmel Commons Blvd. Ste. 210
Charlotte, NC 28226
    June 16 th , 2009
    F.D. Nancy,
    Thank you for allowing us to help you reserve your cruise vacation. I will work with the cruise line in any way possible to accommodate your needs for travel.
    We can provide more information for your request but it will be best transmitted through email or telephone, I have listed my contact information below.
    If you are unable to email or phone, I would need a few more bits of information to provide you with a cruise price.
    -Dates you would be able to travel
-Departure city you prefer
-Unfortunately there are not any 14 day cruises offered to Bermuda, only 7 days with east coast departures. Is there another 14 day itinerary you would rather investigate, or would you like to quote the 7 day Bermuda itinerary?
-Cabin Category you prefer: inside, ocean view, balcony, suite
    Thank you again for thinking of CruiseDeals.com for your vacation assistance. I look forward to working with you.
    Best Regards,
    Alara Shannon
CruiseDeals.com
    Telephone: 800.668.6414 ext. 208
Email: [email protected]

    Full text of the above letter to follow.

    1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
    Alara Shannon / Cruise Information
Cruise Deals Co.
11111 Carmel Commons Blvd.
Suite 210
Charlotte, NC 28226
    8/3/2009
    Dear Cruise Deal Company, MS Shannon.
    I am sorry for the delay in replying. I have had my hands full with Frito. I took him on a 12 day Safari Business Luncheon in New Guinea and he had a relapse of his Tourettes Sign Language problem. He made many disgusting signs at peoples AND animals. (His Disease which i explained in prior letter: Frito suffers from TOURETTES SIGN LANGUAGE. he is a mute and makes obscene filthy vulgar gestures.) Finally he calmed down.
    Now. Down to my relaxing cruise set up through you. As I believe I mentioned in my first letter to you … I will be arriving by raincage from Lodi. My Lodi # is K65D–. They added an extra. We want to sail around Bermuda. 7 days as you suggested. Where do we depart from?
    The finest cabin. I think a breeze would be good for Frito. Let him get some air on that face of his and get out of his cloud.
    Please let me know all costs for this trip and fees for travel to boat and back for 2. Luxury please. We are ready for a relaxing time.
    Thank you,

    F.D. Nancy

    Full text of the above letter to follow.

    1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
    Franchise Information
SWENSONS ICE CREAM
210 Shields Court
Markham, Ontario
Canada L3R 8V2
    7/12/2009
    Dear Swensons Ice Cream,
    I am interested in investing money in SWENSONS ICE CREAM.
    Swensons is the finest food co. out there and I have secured money through a trampoline accident insurance payment and now want to invest.
    I have enjoyed SWANSONS FROZEN TV DINNERS for years. So what if you’re a letter off. It’s just one letter. And now I am told you will accept operators for your SWENSONS FROZEN TV ICE CREAM DESSERTS. What a fantastic idea.
    Please tell me how I can invest in a Swensons Franchise.
    Thank you,

    F.D. Nancy

    Full text of the above letter to follow.

    Dear F. D.